Taking sick child home

[kel4377]

What is the name of your state? NY
My SD was over this weekend and got really sick. My husband called her mother and told her he preferred to take her home because she was really sick and wanted to be with her mom. He ended up bringing his daughter home, even though the mother didn't want him to, and she threw a fit!! She claims that she's not sick, even though she threw up a couple of times at our house, and she was accusing us of giving her something to make her sick, which is pretty pathetic to even think something like that!! Do you think it was the right thing for my husband to bring her home? She really is sick, even though she doesn't look it, and she kept saying she wanted her mommy because she didn't feel good. My husband just thought he was doing the best thing for his daughter. Was he? Now, after he brought her home, his ex is now saying that he'll never see his daughter again, that if he can't deal with her being sick, then don't be a father to her at all!

 

[nextwife]

DID his daughter expressly ASK to go to her mommy, or did daddy decide this? My daughter LOVES to have her daddy fuss over her when she is sick! He brings her warm tea with honey, cough medicine if she needs it, feels her forehead, takes the temp, and so on. I think mom is overreacting a bit, but I don't think a kid should be dragged around if they are feeling lousy! Personally, I don't understand why HE didn't parent her, UNLESS she really asked to go home so mommy could take care of her.

 

[kel4377]

Yeah, all's she kept saying was, "Mommy said if I'm sick I should go home" because that's what her mother had planted in her head. She has been sick this whole week and when my husband picked her up on Friday, his ex even told him so. Well, if that's the case, she should've been staying home in the first place. You're right, no kid needs to be dragged around when they're sick. And, now that he brought her home, his ex has to work tomorrow and she doesn't want to call in, so now she's gonna drag their daughter to another house so someone can watch her so she can go to work. Personally, I think she should stay home with her daughter so she can get better and not keep dragging her from home to home. And what makes it worse is that when he brought her home, his ex kept denying that she is or has been sick. Even though a kid sometimes doesn't look sick, it doesn't mean they're not. She looked fine all day while she was here, but she got really sick last night and sick again this evening.

 

[ARGHX2]

The mother is right in saying that the father should parent the child, even when sick. The mother had every right to say that he should keep her there because A) it was his time B) it is not the child's place to say where they go C) she had plans (work) based on the fact the child would not be there.

The mother shouldn't be expected to rearrange her plans, or have to call into work, that is an incredible inconveinince, not to mention that some workplaces do not look fondly on emergency time off, and some don't even offer sick days. If you want mom to stay employed, that is something you have to consider.

On one hand you chastize the mother for "putting it in the child's head" that she should ask to go home if she is sick, but then on the other hand you jump at the chance to do it. That makes no sense.

Now, mom isn't right for accusing dad of making the child sick, or telling him that he won't see the child again because of it...but I'm sure that was more out of anger at, what looks like from the mom's point of view, an unplanned "dump" of the child at home just so dad & SM didn't have to deal with barf.

Next time child is sick at dad's house, tell the child that mom is busy and she has to stay there, and then take great care of her.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Yep...

Dad should have done his job. Keep the daughter, and take care of her. I don't care what the daughter wanted, or what the ex wanted.... it's his daughter and his time, so to me... it's his resposibility.

But you know... she doesn't need to get so freaked out... why not take it as an opportunity to clarify what was obviously an area that was not so clear. He didn't know.. now he does. No biggie, right? Next time it won' be an issue.


LORD why do people over-react so much?

Lyle

 

[haiku]

I think this is "mountain out of molehill" stuff.

I know my steps have gotten sick with us like twice when we lived close by, and each time, they wanted to go home, mom wanted them home, and they went home.

We had no problem with them wanting to be in thier "own" beds.

now that we live far away it is not that easy, and if mom wants them we would have to have her come pick them up. And we nurse them here in thier "own" beds. I don't think it all means my husband is uncapable.

Its about communication and doing whats best for the kid, sometimes what the kid wants is not for the best, if the other parent is not receptive.

I think the key words in the OP are "she did not want dad to bring daughter home" but he did it anyway. That was putting the kid in the middle. The child should have been kept and nursed at dads. And the child could have been none the wiser. (mommy will call as soon as she gets the message you are sick sweety. or some such)

(if mom still needs a sitter you should offer to take the kiddo back)

her threat to never let him see her again is groundless and will only land her with a contempt charge by you if yo uchoose to go that route.

 

[kel4377]

Yeah, I do agree with the fact that my husband should have kept her with us. I didn't even know he was taking her home until after he did because I wasn't home at the time. The thing was that his ex told him if she got sick again, because she had gotten sick Friday night, that she should go home, and be in her "home". She still fails to realize that their daughter now has two homes, she says her house is her "home" and our house is just "daddy's house". So, she was the one that mentioned their daughter going home to her if she was still sick in the first place, and that's why my SD kept saying that she should go home, because that's what she was telling her when she spoke to her on the phone. I still think it's wrong that she is sick and the mom is shipping her off to someone else's house so she can go to work. Yeah, it's last minute, but what about when a kid wakes up during the week and they're sick, you stay home with them. At least that's what I do when my daughter is sick. I believe they should stay home to get better, not get sent to someone else's home, where there's also a possibility of getting other people sick. Now, maybe if you had a sitter that would come to your house to watch them, that would be different. If she would've had someone come to her house to watch SD, that's a little different.

 

[stealth2]

However, it isn't always possible to stay home and not lose your job. Sometimes there's no other choice.

As far as what happened with the child being sick - both parents are at fault. One for putting the ideas in the kid's head and the other for just going along.

 

[kel4377]

Yep, that's true, it is both their faults, because for one the mother shouldn't tell the child if she's sick she'll come home, especially when he ended up calling his ex to bring their daughter home, she didn't want him to!! And the worst part about everything is she can be pathetic enough to say that we're giving the daughter something to MAKE her sick!!! That's just sickening to even think about saying to someone!!!