teen out of control

[JTB]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

GA AND SC

WE ARE IN 2 HOMES, ONE IN GA AND ONE IN SC, WE HAVE 4 CHILDREN, 1 COLLEGE STUDENT AT HOME, ONE 16 YEAR OLD SON, ONE 10 AND YOUNGEST 8

OVER LAST YEAR WE HAVE DRASTICALLY MADE CHANGES IN OUR LIVES IN AN EFFORT TO PROVIDE WHAT WE FELT AND OUR SON FELT WAS BEST, THE HARDER WE TRY THE WORSE IT GETS.....

HE HAS THREATENED TO MAKE UP FALSE ACCUSSATIONS AGAINST US EACH TIME HE DOESN'T GET HIS WAY SUCH AS PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL ABUSES STATING THAT POLICE WILL TAKE OUR CHILDREN AND PLACE IN FOSTER CARE,

HE IS ALWAYS POTRAYING HIMSELF AS THE VICTUM AND HAS AN EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING THAT IS TOTALLY NON RELATED AND HAS CONVINCED HIMSELF HE IS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING... HE MAKES CONSTANT ATTEMPTS TO PROVOKE US TO ANGER, HE HAS RAGES OF ANGER AND HAS SLAPPED OUR YOUNGER CHILDEREN, HE HAS BEATED THE DOORS TRYING TO GET AT US AS PARENTS WHEN WE TRY AN EXTIT THE SITUATION TO ALLOW HIM TO CALM DOWN,

TROUBLE IS THERE REALLY ISNT ANYTHING FOR HIM TO BE UPSET ABOUT, IT IS ALL PERCIEVED

NOW THAT IT IS GONE ON WE ARE DEALING WITH SIMPLE TO LARGER ISSUES WHERE WE ADDRESS A SITUATION AND WE ARE DEALT ONE OF THE FOLLOWING

RESPONSES:

"NO, I'M FINE"
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO"
"NO YOUR NOT GONNA TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO"
"NO I AM NOT GONNA DO THAT"
"YOUR'E NOT GONNA"
"I AM GONNA"
"OH WELL"
"WHATEVER"
"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT"
"GO FOR IT"
IF YOU CALL POLICE THAT WILL BE THE WORST THING YOU EVER DID"

STUFF LIKE THAT, SO NOW BASIC THINGS LIKE,

PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES, GET UP FOR SCHOOL, ITS 1AM, LETS TURN THE CELL PHONE AND TV OFF AND GET TO BED

WE GET A "NO" I AM FINE - "I DON"T WANT TO DO THAT"

THEN USUALLY ONE OF THE ABOVE RESPONSES

WE CARE ABOUT OUR SON AND REALLY WANT TO HELP HIM, HOWEVER ARE NOW AT THE POINT OF PROTECTING THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS AND STOP THE ABUSE...

WE HAVE TAKEN HIM TO EVERY MEDICAL TEST YOU CAN IMAGINE TO JUST BE GIVEN NORMAL READINGS, OUTSIDE FAMILY AND INFLUENCES ARE TRYING TO PURSUADE US TO GET HIM ON MEDICATION FOR ADHD, ADD AND ALL THAT ....

REALLY THE PROBLEM IS IN HIS HEART AND WE WANT TO LOVE HIM TO RESOLUTION AND HELP HIM

I CANNOT IMAGINE DEALING WITH THIS AT THE COST OF TRAUMITIZING OUR OTHER CHILDREN....

I HAVE LEARNED TO STAY CALM AND NON REACTIVE IN THESE OUTBURSTS AND SITUATOIONS TO QUICKLY DEFUSE THE SITUATION IN AN EFFORT TO RESOLVE

MY WIFE AND COLLEGE DAUGHTER, YELL BACK AND USE SARCASISM AND GENERALLY WORSEN THE SITUATION AND CREATE REACTIONS VERSUS RESOLUTIONS OR AT LEAST A PROCESS OF RESOLUTION...

WE HAVE RELOCATED IN THIS ECONOMY AND SUFFERED SEVERE LOSSES AND HARDSHIPS BY PRIORITIZING A TOP RANKED CHRISTIAN SCHOOL AND CHURCH IN SC, WHICH HE LOVES SOCIALLY, I AM COMMUTING 3 HOURS TO WORK WHILE SEEKING OPPORTUNITIES IN THE AREA AND LIVE IN FEAR WHILE I AM AWAY THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN...MY INCOMES HAVE GONE FROM $185K PER YEAR TO SO FAR LESS THAN $20K PER YEAR DEALING WITH ALL THIS, AND WE ARE ON THE VERGE OF BK... ALL THATS OK, I ONLY CARE ABOUT THE WELL BEING OF MY SON AND MY FAMILY, MATERIAL THINGS CAN BE REPLACED, JUST STRIVING FOR BASIC NEEDS ...

I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS:

1-SHOULD MY WIFE AND I FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROTECTING THE CHILDREN GET A LEGAL SEPERATION OR DIVORCE AND ONE OF US TAKE HIM FOR A SEASON TO PROTECT THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS?

2- IF WE ARE IN SEPERATE HOMES AND SEPERATE STATES, AND I REMAIN WITH MY SON, IS THERE A TIME FRAME THAT NEEDS TO BE ESTABLISHED BEFORE THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE EFFECTED, IN OTHER WORDS, WHEN CAN I CALL POLICE DURING AN OUTBURST TO WHERE OTHER CHILDREN ARE NOT INVOLVED AND CANNOT BE TAKEN FROM THE HOME NO MATTER WHAT MY SON CREATES?

3- IS THERE ANYTHING THE POLICE WILL EVEN DO TO MY SON? IT APPEARS ALL LAWS ARE IN FAVOUR OF THE CHILD AND THEY KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY AND DO AND THE PARENTS AND FAMILY SUFFER BUT THERE IS NO CONSEQUENCE TO THE TEENAGER AT ALL? AT WHAT POINT SHOULD I INVOLVE AN AUTHORITY?

4- IN RESEARCHING I CANNOT FIND ANYWHERE THAT COULD BE AN OPTION, LIKE A MILLITARY ACADEMY OR PROGRAM TO SEND HIM, ONLY PRIVATE PLACES THAT COSTS ALOT AND MOST ARE FOR AFTER HIGH SCHOOL. HE IS 16,

5- I AM OPEN FOR ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS AND ADVICE... I TALKED TO A FRIEND IN A SHERRIFS OFFICE IN ANOTHER STATE AND HE SAYS HE DEALS WITH THIS ALL THE TIME, NOT HELPFUL, BUT GUESS I KNOW I AM NOT TOTALLY ALONE IN THIS. HE SUGGESTS GOING TO THE POLICE DEPT IN ADVANCE AND LOGGING SITUATIONS AND TELLING THEM OUR CONCERNS, I GUESS LIKE THIS BLOG, AND LETTING THEM NOTE FILE AND NOT BE CAUGHT BY SURPRISE.. HOWEVER SEEMS RISKY TO ME AND TOTALLY LEAVES MY FAMILY AT THE RISK OF A PERSON OR WHAT IF THAT OFFICER IS OFF THAT DAY.... JUST NOT AT PAECE WITH THAT

THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING I CAN DO, SURELY SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME HAS BEEN THRU THIS BEFORE?

HELP..... I CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE, I AM AT MY END...
what can we do????????

 

[JTB]

help

you are not alone, really nothing you can do?

 

[JETX]

what can we do?

1) Edit your post to remove the ALL CAPS!! It is rude and disrespectful.
2) While editing, your post should be brief and concise.

 

[Just Blue]

you are not alone, really nothing you can do?

Why are you responding to yourself?

 

[JTB]

couldn't tell if this post went on, i am all new at this..... seems like more concerned with my caps on and my response than really any concern, we thought maybe this would help us search for some answers or information from anyone else dealing with simular issues, sorry if i am new at all this, never posted anything before...

 

[Country Living]

couldn't tell if this post went on, i am all new at this..... seems like more concerned with my caps on and my response than really any concern, we thought maybe this would help us search for some answers or information from anyone else dealing with simular issues, sorry if i am new at all this, never posted anything before...

It's too difficult to read a post (especially a long post) that's in all caps. Plus, you added quite a bit of extraneous information that also makes your post difficult to read. I quit reading after the first paragraph.

Edit your post. Use upper and lower case letters. State the problem as succinctly as possible. How old is the child?

 

[quincy]

You mentioned that you took your son for a medical evaluation, to determine if there was an underlying medical reason for his change in behavior. Sleeping too much, changes in normal routine, personality changes, increased irrititability and increased secrecy can all be signs of alcohol or drug abuse, so I hope the medical evaluation included a screening for alcohol or drug abuse.

If there does not seem to be a medical cause, and alcohol and drug abuse, and ADD, ADHD et al, have been ruled out, and the behavior changes are not due to the normal behavior changes of a 16 year old boy (and often what is normal behavior for a 16 year old boy can seem abnormal to the parents), then I have some places for you to contact for advice and direction.

Georgia has adolescent health and youth development programs, and teen centers. You can go to the following sites for information on programs near you, or you can call (404) 656-6679 in Atlanta:

Georgia Division of Public Health | Adolescent Health and Youth Development or http://health.state.ga.us/pdfs/familyhealth/ahyd/TeenCenterContactList.pdf.

For South Carolina youth services, you can go to http://state.sc.us/djj/2009-csd.php or DJJ Local Resources. Click on your county for offices that can assist or direct you to assistance.

I also recommend you seek counseling, for your son and for your family. There are low and no cost counseling services available in both states. You and your family are going through some major life changes - and the stress of these changes can be exhibited in several ways. Your son may be acting out in frustration and fear - frustrated that he cannot help remedy the situation and fear that you cannot remedy it.

If you feel that your son is becoming a danger to you or your family, or to himself, contact the police and/or mental health services. I can understand your reluctance to contact the police in advance of any problems, but you can seek advice on the advisability of this at the offices listed above.

I do not think that a separation or a divorce is a solution - it can, and probably would, create more problems not less, not only for your 16 year old son but for the other children in your family, as well.

I do not, off-hand, see any legal solution to your problem.

Good luck.

 

[Antigone*]

I want to know why the out-of-control teen still has a cell phone, tv, and other amenities?

If my teen ever went out of control the way you describe, he would have a mattress on the floor and his dresser ~ that is it!!!!!

 

[racer72]

I have heard the Brazil therapy method works extremely well in these types of cases.

 

[Indiana Filer]

I have heard the Brazil therapy method works extremely well in these types of cases.

I've wanted to recommend the Brazil method in my presentence reports for juveniles, but I don't think my judge would agree. (At least not on the record. Off the record, maybe.)

 

[JTB]

#7 reply****************************.....Thank You so much, finally someone who seems to offer some help.... apprecaite it and looking into it

 

[JTB]

#8 reply---------- i totally understand your thoughts here, we have attempted the taking of phove and privelages only to be victum of rage and loacking ourselves in the bathroom while he tried to beat the door down..... guess i should call the police and let him tear the whole family apart then he gets off scott free, i am in jail under false acusations, our kids are traumitized and placed in foster care and my wifes on the street in a cardboard box with no incomes******************************************.....just isn't that simple.... it appears kids have all the law and parents have no rights whatsover......thats what my dillema is, has anyone else ever been thru any of this??????????????????????//HELP!

 

[JTB]

# 9 reply********************************************************.....just don't know what brazil therepy is?

 

[Antigone*]

#8 reply---------- i totally understand your thoughts here, we have attempted the taking of phove and privelages only to be victum of rage and loacking ourselves in the bathroom while he tried to beat the door down..... guess i should call the police and let him tear the whole family apart then he gets off scott free, i am in jail under false acusations, our kids are traumitized and placed in foster care and my wifes on the street in a cardboard box with no incomes******************************************.....just isn't that simple.... it appears kids have all the law and parents have no rights whatsover......thats what my dillema is, has anyone else ever been thru any of this??????????????????????//HELP!

You are allowing yourself to be bullied by this child. When he acts up you call the police. If he decides to play the game then you one up him and allow him to be taken into the foster care system.

At this point in time he knows he has you bent over a barrell. You need to toughen up. There is no easy fix to this whatsoever because you let it go too far.

 

[Just Blue]

Courtesy of "He Who Shall Not Be Named".


Tell your son that you need some 'bonding' time so you have decided to take him on a Father/Son trip to Rio. Tell him you will be leaving early in the morning so that the two of you can 'hit the beach and babes' before the sun goes down. Call the airlines and order one roundtrip ticket for you and a one-way ticket in your son's name.

The next morning stop at the ATM and withdraw $200. Then proceed to the airport.

Upon arrival at Rio, take your son to the hotel and tell him that you will need a rest before hitting the babes that night but he is free to explore. Also explain to him that it would not be safe to carry his billfold or passport as they are eaily stolen. You will have them put in the hotel's safe. THen hand him the $200 and pat him on the back with a hearty "Have a good time".

Once he has left the hotel, take out a sheet of hotel stationary and write the following:

Dear son,
You have been a real prick lately, and since you don't seem to care who you hurt with your anger, drugs and alcohol, it seems you are adult enough to care for yourself.

Therefore, I am leaving you with $200 to give you a start in life. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Dad

Take both passports and any credit cards from his wallet, pack them away, collect your things and leave the hotel, returning to the airport with your ROUNDTRIP ticket and go home.

He has JUST BECOME A MAN.