Teenage Boy and Problems

[meghamann]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

Father and I have been going through custody battle for over a year now. Our final day in court is this week. Right now it is one week on one week off for two kids, ages 14 and 12.

Everything has been going somewhat smoothly until this last week. The 14 y/o decided to fabricate some stories and said I hit him, I punch my 5 y/o in his nose and give him bloody noses all the time, and he is fearful to be with me. Social services were involved and the police. That morning the 14 y/o was just grounded from his cell phone and told he could not see his girlfriend because of him disobeying me. He also had found out the night before that his father was going to be camping with his gf and her family that weekend. His paternal grandparents picked both children up from school, without my knowledge, and would not give them back to me. I got them back by going to police and showing it was my court ordered time with them but had my 14 y/o stay at my parents home so he could cool off.

I spoke with SS, she stated she didnt believe anything 14 y/o had said, there were holes in his story and when he stated I was good with the infant and shouldnt take him away from me, she was floored. She also stated she found out his father was going camping that weekend with his (14 y/o) gf and her family and thinks he thought if he said he didnt want to come by me he'd end up going with his gf, her family, and his dad camping.

This week was to be my week and the GAL last Friday emailed saying she thought the 14 y/o needed to cool off and stay at his dads. I am upset since he has had a week and a half to cool off and she conviently emailed Friday afternoon when nothing could be done, plus this Sunday is his bday and it is my year with him.

Court is late next week and I am wondering if I should just not fight anymore and let him be with his dad? The things I am worried about though is his grades are horrible, F's and D's, and his father lets him be with his gf 7 days a week and I fear her getting pregnant very soon. His father seems to let him do whatever he wants and I think if I am not a part of his life he will fail and amount to nothing being given no direction on anything or being taught morals, guidelines, respect, etc.

Should I just let the 14 y/o be with his dad and leave it open for him to come whenever he wants and let him know I just want him to be happy and wont force visitation on him? I dont want him to think I am giving up on him, I just want him to be happy and my other kids happy as well and am tired of fighting.

 

[ErinGoBragh]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

Father and I have been going through custody battle for over a year now. Our final day in court is this week. Right now it is one week on one week off for two kids, ages 14 and 12.

Everything has been going somewhat smoothly until this last week. The 14 y/o decided to fabricate some stories and said I hit him, I punch my 5 y/o in his nose and give him bloody noses all the time, and he is fearful to be with me. Social services were involved and the police. That morning the 14 y/o was just grounded from his cell phone and told he could not see his girlfriend because of him disobeying me. He also had found out the night before that his father was going to be camping with his gf and her family that weekend. His paternal grandparents picked both children up from school, without my knowledge, and would not give them back to me. I got them back by going to police and showing it was my court ordered time with them but had my 14 y/o stay at my parents home so he could cool off.

I spoke with SS, she stated she didnt believe anything 14 y/o had said, there were holes in his story and when he stated I was good with the infant and shouldnt take him away from me, she was floored. She also stated she found out his father was going camping that weekend with his (14 y/o) gf and her family and thinks he thought if he said he didnt want to come by me he'd end up going with his gf, her family, and his dad camping.

This week was to be my week and the GAL last Friday emailed saying she thought the 14 y/o needed to cool off and stay at his dads. I am upset since he has had a week and a half to cool off and she conviently emailed Friday afternoon when nothing could be done, plus this Sunday is his bday and it is my year with him.

Court is late next week and I am wondering if I should just not fight anymore and let him be with his dad? The things I am worried about though is his grades are horrible, F's and D's, and his father lets him be with his gf 7 days a week and I fear her getting pregnant very soon. His father seems to let him do whatever he wants and I think if I am not a part of his life he will fail and amount to nothing being given no direction on anything or being taught morals, guidelines, respect, etc.

Should I just let the 14 y/o be with his dad and leave it open for him to come whenever he wants and let him know I just want him to be happy and wont force visitation on him? I dont want him to think I am giving up on him, I just want him to be happy and my other kids happy as well and am tired of fighting.

You should be a parent to your child and not let him go live someplace where it is going to be easy street.

I'm sorry, but as a parent, you shouldn't have their happiness be your primary concern, especially not when you are concerned about them knocking up their GF. You should be concerned about the child being raised to be a good, productive, contributing member of society as an adult.

 

[GinAA]

And the other issue is that you and dad have to get on the same page about his disciplin. I have been going through the same problem with my 15 yr old and until his father and I started "working together" my son would play each of us equally, to get what he wanted.

Now that we talk, email and text about every issue, my son has no where to go but to be honest and do what he is told. He is much happier, we are much happier and the police are much happier.

I know it's a hard thing to try and do with an EX but your son is the most important factor in all this and HE is the one that will ultimatly be hurt if you just give up and let him live with his father without consequeces. And don't think that lets you off the hook. You are still his parent.

Good Luck.

 

[meghamann]

I agree on both points. Trust me I have tried a tremendous amount of times communicating with his father and have no success. His dad says what goes on at his house is not of my concern when I think it is since he can't keep his grades up and is allowed to do whatever he wants. There are no consequences at all when with his father. I am not giving up on my son, but I do not want one child to be responsible for me losing 5 others if he continues to make up lies and tries to have the kids taken away from me by social services. He has gone way to far and puts the other kids in the middle because of it. Luckily the 12 y/o was talked to as well and told them he was lying and nothing happened at all. Whose to say that happens next time though? My son is making the other children miserable by his bad attitude. I have him in counseling, group therapy, and nothing seems to help. He hates me because I am strict.

 

[GinAA]

I agree on both points. Trust me I have tried a tremendous amount of times communicating with his father and have no success. His dad says what goes on at his house is not of my concern when I think it is since he can't keep his grades up and is allowed to do whatever he wants. There are no consequences at all when with his father. I am not giving up on my son, but I do not want one child to be responsible for me losing 5 others if he continues to make up lies and tries to have the kids taken away from me by social services. He has gone way to far and puts the other kids in the middle because of it. Luckily the 12 y/o was talked to as well and told them he was lying and nothing happened at all. Whose to say that happens next time though? My son is making the other children miserable by his bad attitude. I have him in counseling, group therapy, and nothing seems to help. He hates me because I am strict.

I have 2 younger children and have come very close to giving up and sending my son to live with his father because I was very concerned for thier well being. It's a tough situation.

Have you ever talked to his girlfriend's parents? I have done this a few times and it has helped somewhat. I just explain that my son has restrictions and such and have gotten a good response from the other parents in phone calls and texts when my son shows up at their house or asks to participate in family things with them. It caused my son to be quite a bit more honest with me about what he wanted to do.

Counseling is a good idea too and it does take time to make progress. Keeping in contact with his teachers and his friends parents.

I don't know, my son never did anything too bad except not come home some nights and I had to call the police to pick him up.

Good luck.

 

[meghamann]

I have talked several times to her parents. After father starting talking to her parents, she hates me, her parents hate me. Her mom just called police on me other day claiming I text her daughter which I did not do and offered my phone records to the police. So I have ceased contact with the gf and her parents. I am sick of being harassed by the police and nothing ever comes out of it.

 

[meghamann]

So just an update on this situation. We went to court and the judge believed everything the GAL said. The GAL never had talked to the social worker, the report hadn't even been written up yet but she said based on social services being called (which was done by his dad along with our son's gf mother) that she was recommending our sons live with dad. Judge went along with her recommendation and said I shouldn't have punched my son out. (son's wording).

Now social worker has come out and finally spoke to my other chidlren that live here and needs to talk to the 14 who fabricated the story. Upon her first phone call to him he told her he didnt have time for her. Since my lawyer spoke to the worker he has filed an appeal because the social worker said everything the GAL said in court is the complete opposite of her findings and her report will reflect so. The GAL went as far to say she spoke with both boys and they both said they want to live with their dad when our 12 y/o never talks to her. The GAL had a cop that was going to testify saying I am the difficult one when I have never even seen or spoke to him before. Mind you all the cops in the city are friend's of our son's father and his family.

What can I do to show the true colors of this GAL and that everything out of her mouth are lies without having the kids go to court? The GAL had a tenant I just recently evicted as one of her witnesses!!! My tenant had me jumped, had someone break down my door, etc and this was her witness?!?

 

[PQN]

Did you lawyer object to her fabrications? Did he ask for a continuance until the social services report could be submitted?

 

[meghamann]

Yes and judge wouldnt allow continuance. The hearing before that we were told by judge a decision should have been made by then and the next hearing would be trial, but there should be no witnesses. GAL told my lawyer at a meeting we had with her, after he stated we would see her at trial, that it wasnt a trial and there would be no witnesses because judge had other cases that day. She came with witnesses we came with none since she told us there would be no witnesses as judge had said.

My lawyer objected to fabrications, we came to court with police reports made by our 14 y/o son against the FATHER to the extent of our son writing a journal he gave to police stating how his dad hits him, chokes him, threw him against wall and GAL would not even read any police reports or the letter. Judge did and said he didnt care he was going off of last social service report. GAL said she didnt care if the social service report, not done yet, gave me a glowing recommendation, she wants the kids with the father.

Now we filed appeal since the order she said I agreed to had language in there that was never discussed while in court along with this new information from the social worker.

Sorry so long. I dont know what info is important and not.