teenager no longer wants to visit father

[msmagoo173]

What is the name of your state? nj

i've been divorced about 12 yrs. daughter is 16.5. ex and i have had a decent working relationship for most of those years. daughter has visited father on alternate weekends, alternating holidays, gone on family vacations...in short, we've managed to maximize her involvement w/ both my family and his.

at this point in her life, daughter is becoming resentful of having to stop her routine and visit her father for what is now very often a contentious and unpleasant experience (father has remarried and has two young sons (3 and 1)). she has activities and interests that often conflict w/ "his time" and he is (and has been), depending on the activity, either totally or mostly, unwillingly to accomodate her needs.

her father is also becoming agitated on these activities infringement on "his time" and is becoming threatening in mentioning going back to court. saying how "we have a LEGAL agreement" that he has her on alternate weekends.

my position is that this is a dispute between our daughter and her father and that taking ME to court will do nothing to solve the problem.

my question is does my daughter have the right, at 16.5, to decide what/when visitation w/ her father will occur? i believe she still wants a relationship w/ him but would like more input in the timing and duration. i will support whatever actions SHE is comfortable taking.

btw, daughter excels in school (A student, 4 AP classes as a now junior), has many friends, is active in school clubs/activities, and has the opportunity to pursue a high level in her chosen sport (which is the main bone of contention w/ her father as he sees no value in this sport and has never fully supported her participation in it).

thank-you.

edited to add, we have, in the past, been able to "switch" weekends to benefit all parties and i've been supportive of extra time he's asked for.

 

[stealth2]

my position is that this is a dispute between our daughter and her father and that taking ME to court will do nothing to solve the problem.

And you'd be wrong. YOU are the one who is under a court order, and YOU are the one who has to follow it until/unless it's modified. Which means that you make the kid go on visitation if Dad insists. Period.

You can try and take it to court for a modification. Whether a judge will allow her to make the decision is possible, but there's not way to predict the result with any degree of accuracy.

 

[Zephyr]

you have to have the child available for dad for his time, she cannot decide not to go, it is unfortunate that he does not support her activities, but he is right, his time is his to do with as he pleases.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? nj

i've been divorced about 12 yrs. daughter is 16.5. ex and i have had a decent working relationship for most of those years. daughter has visited father on alternate weekends, alternating holidays, gone on family vacations...in short, we've managed to maximize her involvement w/ both my family and his.

at this point in her life, daughter is becoming resentful of having to stop her routine and visit her father for what is now very often a contentious and unpleasant experience (father has remarried and has two young sons (3 and 1)). she has activities and interests that often conflict w/ "his time" and he is (and has been), depending on the activity, either totally or mostly, unwillingly to accomodate her needs.

her father is also becoming agitated on these activities infringement on "his time" and is becoming threatening in mentioning going back to court. saying how "we have a LEGAL agreement" that he has her on alternate weekends.

my position is that this is a dispute between our daughter and her father and that taking ME to court will do nothing to solve the problem.

my question is does my daughter have the right, at 16.5, to decide what/when visitation w/ her father will occur? i believe she still wants a relationship w/ him but would like more input in the timing and duration. i will support whatever actions SHE is comfortable taking.

btw, daughter excels in school (A student, 4 AP classes as a now junior), has many friends, is active in school clubs/activities, and has the opportunity to pursue a high level in her chosen sport (which is the main bone of contention w/ her father as he sees no value in this sport and has never fully supported her participation in it).

thank-you.

If daughter refuses to go, and you don't make her~ then you risk the father filing contempt against you in court.

You need to file in court to modify visitation. Make sure you are able to prove your daughter's extended involvement in the sport you refer to, and her opportunities if she is allowed to maintain that commitment. Her excellent grades will help the judge see she is mature and responsible. It will be up to the judge whether or not to allow it~ though when I see it happening, it's usually because of the circumstances you describe (excelling in sports, etc.)

Be willing to allow alternate visitation time for Dad, perhaps mid-week dinner visits or rotating visitations on days daughter does not have extracurricular events planned.

 

[titansfan]

untill shes 18 the court order MUST be followed regardless

yuor ex is right-you have a legal agreement and it must be followed.dad's visitation comes before your daughter's activities, and he is not required to take her to them. keep letting your daughter decide she isnt going to see dad, and see how fast dad gets custody.