Temporary Custody...?

[MissLeapy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

Hi my name is Kaley, I'm a single mom with a son the age of 2(will be 3 in March 2010). My ex and I broke up(no we were not married) in March of this year and have been pretty bouncy with custody of our son. I mean that to say, we haven't sat down to say who he will be with the majority of his life now that we are no longer together.

I liked to think that we were just responsible enough to not have to argue and duke it out in court. I was wrong.

A little background may help to say that ever since my son was born his father has not lived up to any obligation concerning him; whether that be saving money for our sons food/clothes/home instead of spending, or staying at home so he can spend any time with him. This all lead to me trying to make sure our family stayed above water by doing whatever I could. Be that getting a job for a couple hours a day or asking my parents for help. Well to stay in tone with my ex's personality, he made me quit my job because he refused to watch his own son while I had to work(after he made me cut my hours to just saturday and sunday). Two months later I was kicked out of his parents house (we had lost our trailer b/c he didn't care much about paying bills).

My son and I went to live with my parents(about 4 hours away- same state) with the promise that he would save money so we could afford our own place. i was with my parents for a year before we finally broke up, and in all that time he may have come to see our son 8 times, and only sent money twice ($200 on each occasion). Being the little town that it was I was unable to find a job, so I would do odds and ends for family and friends to earn what I needed to take care of my sons needs- food/clothes/toys/etc..

I've recently moved back to the area, met a great man, will soon be married and expecting late next year. Recently as well my ex got a new job and makes almost twice what he was before (yet still unable to save anything- and living with his parents still). He wanted to set up one of those refillable credit cards for our son and he said he would put $50 a week on it. He put $20 to open it with and his new girlfriend was the one to load it next with $50. This was about 2 1/2 months ago. Haven't heard a thing more about it.

Now last week my ex called and wanted to talk about our son and what we are going to do. Now that he is being kicked out of his parents house he believes that it will be in our sons best interest to be with him. I disagree. On the grounds that he has shown no interest or responsibility in helping to raise our son. nor even call to check and see how he is doing. His parents call and come to see him more than he has ever.

This may sound like a rant and trashing of my ex, but it really isn't. I haven't spoken a bad word about him as a person, and would never keep him away from his son. I have told him on multiple occasions that he is free to come and pick him up/call/txt anything to do with his son and I welcome it. I WANT my son to know his father. But he still refuses to agree to me keeping him like I have been for the past year already with no complaints.

I will agree to Joint Legal Custody; but as far as who has physical custody- I believe I should. He wants to bring up that I wont be able to handle it with a new baby on the way and all kinds of other non sense (even so much as bringing up "Well he's a boy we have more in common"). They only thing he really has on me is a job. Though my fiancee has no problems with handling all the income(hes navy) while I'm pregnant and looking into school so I can further my career once our child is born. Even though my ex has no place to live and his work schedule would require him to stick our son in daycare or have someone else taking care of him as he wouldn't be able to. Yet he still wants to sit down with me, my fiancee and his new girlfriend to "figure out something with OUR son." I have in no way brought my current boyfriend into any of our talks, b/c it is just between myself and my ex- yet someone he barely has any connection with is allowed to sit in and talk about what to do with our son? Not a situation I care to be in.

I've been told that before I talk to my ex about just going through the court system I should get temporary custody. Now this i have to agree with. My ex is a very easily angered person and I honestly believe that if I told him I wanted to settle through court, then he would turn around and get Temp Custody and take him away from me- immediately. I have no doubts about that. So, I do think I should get Temporary Custody now without his knowledge then discuss going to court over this.

How I do that, is a mystery. I have read that I have to file a motion for it- but is that immediate? Or do I have to have a hearing? Does the father have to know, will he be brought into the hearing? i was thinking of going in the morning to the local juvenile courthouse and getting this all done, but I'm really at a lose of how to do this.

Please help. (And terribly sorry for the long post!)

~KaleyWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

Hi my name is Kaley, I'm a single mom with a son the age of 2(will be 3 in March 2010). My ex and I broke up(no we were not married) in March of this year and have been pretty bouncy with custody of our son. I mean that to say, we haven't sat down to say who he will be with the majority of his life now that we are no longer together.

I liked to think that we were just responsible enough to not have to argue and duke it out in court. I was wrong.

A court order protects ALL of you - it really is best to get it all done officially.

A little background may help to say that ever since my son was born his father has not lived up to any obligation concerning him; whether that be saving money for our sons food/clothes/home instead of spending, or staying at home so he can spend any time with him. This all lead to me trying to make sure our family stayed above water by doing whatever I could. Be that getting a job for a couple hours a day or asking my parents for help. Well to stay in tone with my ex's personality, he made me quit my job because he refused to watch his own son while I had to work(after he made me cut my hours to just saturday and sunday). Two months later I was kicked out of his parents house (we had lost our trailer b/c he didn't care much about paying bills).

Which is good, but not really relevant.

My son and I went to live with my parents(about 4 hours away- same state) with the promise that he would save money so we could afford our own place. i was with my parents for a year before we finally broke up, and in all that time he may have come to see our son 8 times, and only sent money twice ($200 on each occasion). Being the little town that it was I was unable to find a job, so I would do odds and ends for family and friends to earn what I needed to take care of my sons needs- food/clothes/toys/etc..

I've recently moved back to the area, met a great man, will soon be married and expecting late next year. Recently as well my ex got a new job and makes almost twice what he was before (yet still unable to save anything- and living with his parents still). He wanted to set up one of those refillable credit cards for our son and he said he would put $50 a week on it. He put $20 to open it with and his new girlfriend was the one to load it next with $50. This was about 2 1/2 months ago. Haven't heard a thing more about it.

Now last week my ex called and wanted to talk about our son and what we are going to do. Now that he is being kicked out of his parents house he believes that it will be in our sons best interest to be with him. I disagree. On the grounds that he has shown no interest or responsibility in helping to raise our son. nor even call to check and see how he is doing. His parents call and come to see him more than he has ever.

This may sound like a rant and trashing of my ex, but it really isn't. I haven't spoken a bad word about him as a person, and would never keep him away from his son. I have told him on multiple occasions that he is free to come and pick him up/call/txt anything to do with his son and I welcome it. I WANT my son to know his father. But he still refuses to agree to me keeping him like I have been for the past year already with no complaints.

I will agree to Joint Legal Custody; but as far as who has physical custody- I believe I should. He wants to bring up that I wont be able to handle it with a new baby on the way and all kinds of other non sense (even so much as bringing up "Well he's a boy we have more in common"). They only thing he really has on me is a job. Though my fiancee has no problems with handling all the income(hes navy) while I'm pregnant and looking into school so I can further my career once our child is born. Even though my ex has no place to live and his work schedule would require him to stick our son in daycare or have someone else taking care of him as he wouldn't be able to. Yet he still wants to sit down with me, my fiancee and his new girlfriend to "figure out something with OUR son." I have in no way brought my current boyfriend into any of our talks, b/c it is just between myself and my ex- yet someone he barely has any connection with is allowed to sit in and talk about what to do with our son? Not a situation I care to be in.

I've been told that before I talk to my ex about just going through the court system I should get temporary custody. Now this i have to agree with. My ex is a very easily angered person and I honestly believe that if I told him I wanted to settle through court, then he would turn around and get Temp Custody and take him away from me- immediately. I have no doubts about that. So, I do think I should get Temporary Custody now without his knowledge then discuss going to court over this.

How I do that, is a mystery. I have read that I have to file a motion for it- but is that immediate? Or do I have to have a hearing? Does the father have to know, will he be brought into the hearing? i was thinking of going in the morning to the local juvenile courthouse and getting this all done, but I'm really at a lose of how to do this.

Please help. (And terribly sorry for the long post!)

~KaleyWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You need to file to legally establish paternity (if that hasn't been done already), to petition for custody and child support. Request temporary physical custody while you do this.

There are quite a few forms here which may help: Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court Forms

 

[Isis1]

phew. okay.


so, short story.

child is 3, you and dad not together. no paternity established, no custody orders. no support orders.

child has been living with you full time for the past year. not only are you the sole parent at this time, but you have status quo.

dad is getting kicked out and he thinks NOW is the best time to have custody? *snort* is he on drugs?

go to the courthouse. file to establish paternity/custody/visitation/support.

you are agreeable to joint legal custody, so that's good. since the child is only 3, school is a factor in two years so make sure a school schedule kicks in when the child is of age.

you will have to serve dad. yes, he will need to be present at the hearing. court orders are your friends. he cannot claim custody based on you having another child. this isn't china. you are allowed to have more than 1 child.

check your courthouse online site for a self help section. some courts have self help counters that have packets that have all the forms along with it.

 

[MissLeapy]

So file for paternity first, what's exactly involved in all of that? Do I need to have his birth certificate/S.S Card with me?

How long does that normally take?

Honestly I havent been at all worried about the "Support" portion...

But, I have to file for the Custody hearing (for the Joint Legal and such) BEFORE I file for Temporary Custody?

 

[Isis1]

So file for paternity first, what's exactly involved in all of that? Do I need to have his birth certificate/S.S Card with me?

How long does that normally take?

Honestly I havent been at all worried about the "Support" portion...

But, I have to file for the Custody hearing (for the Joint Legal and such) BEFORE I file for Temporary Custody?

because i am not so familar with virgina court....i did a bit of hunting. i am not familiar with your forms.....but it seems forms 600-699 are for domestic relations.

http://www.courts.state.va.us/forms/district/dc_forms_list.pdf

you would file for all actions at the same time, you would include a copy of the birth certificate. is the father's name listed?

you will also need to file for temp orders based on status quo. you as the custodial parent, with visitation for dad until pending orders of the court.

then i found this manual for instructions on the forms you fill out...


http://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/legalresearch/resources/manuals/dcforms/dc600sdomesticrelations.pdf

 

[MissLeapy]

because i am not so familar with virgina court....i did a bit of hunting. i am not familiar with your forms.....but it seems forms 600-699 are for domestic relations.

http://www.courts.state.va.us/forms/district/dc_forms_list.pdf

you would file for all actions at the same time, you would include a copy of the birth certificate. is the father's name listed?

you will also need to file for temp orders based on status quo. you as the custodial parent, with visitation for dad until pending orders of the court.

then i found this manual for instructions on the forms you fill out...


http://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/legalresearch/resources/manuals/dcforms/dc600sdomesticrelations.pdf

Yes the father's name is on the birth certificate. Will it matter if our son has his last name and not mine- will that be harder to do?

I think I'm getting this now, atleast I hope so, hah. thank you for all your help, I've never been a court person, so I'm pretty lost when it comes to this kind of thing.

 

[MissLeapy]

Also...

What exactly will make a difference in a custody hearing? Circumstances referring to income, residence and things like that. Here is my and my ex's setup:

ME:

Job? No, working on setting schooling up
Form of Income? Military Fiancee provides
Residence? Two bedroom apartment.
State provided Income? Food Stamps
Medical for Child? He is on My Medicaid as well as his father's insurance- but his father refuses to give me a card and was against me putting him on Medicaid... which he still doesn't know about.


HIM:

Job? Yes, roughly for the past 6 months.
Form of Income? Job, pays no bills.
Residence? Currently with parents until the 18th, then unknown.
State Provided Income? No
Medical for Child? Yes

Do I have a right to be upset about him setting up and promising a weekly payment for things our son needs- then not doing it at all? i haven't brought itup to him b/c I've been set on believing if he cant remember to do it himself- then it must not be important to him... I've been providing for our son up until now.


Also, do I have a right to refuse a "sit down" between him and his new girlfriend and my fiancee? I've strictly just kept it between me and my ex when it concerns our son, and he is very adamant about my fiancee not paying for anything for him, or taking care of him (even though its been ok for him to do up until now) yet he can now insist that his girlfriend be present? When I know he has cheated on her- and have proof? No I would never bring that up... but I dont see a reason for her to have a huge involvement in this when it seems he doesnt care much about her. I dont want my son getting hurt b/c he is attached to one of these girls and then ripped away when his dad is done with them... Do I have aright to feel that way, and refuse to sit down with them to discuss our son?

And I know that she would be the one to take care of my son as my ex's hours at work are 2-12pm, yet even at home he doesn't come in until 3am, and sleeps until noon. Even when his parents pick up our son to spend the night, my ex refuses to watch him in the morning b/c he will not get up before noon to do so. Nor do I recieve any calls or txt ever from him regarding wanting to see his son, or even talk to him- I hear more from his parents on that matter.

Also... If my fiancee (we will be married hopefully in Jan, or April- he leaves on deployment in between-) gets his reinlistment, we will be moving to CA in late April- how will that affect custody? Could that be a big factor in me NOT getting physical custody? I have sat down and figured it all out and is possible to do whether I drive my son cross country to see his father, or my ex's step mother goes to CA every two weeks on business and has offered to fly him back every couple months or what not that we can agree on. I WANT my son to see his dad and have no problems making that happen. But I still believe that I should have physical custody.

I'm trying desperately to prepare myself in every way shape and form, and I hope these questions arent to far out there...

 

[TheGeekess]

You need to read some other posts in this part of the forum. You will get an education just from that.

 

[MissLeapy]

You need to read some other posts in this part of the forum. You will get an education just from that.

I've been reading other threads in this section of the forum for oh... about 3 hours now(lol) and yes I have learned some things I didn't know before, I'm still curious as how some of my previous asked questions can turn out in the court environment...

If there are certain threads to pinpoint the questions I asked I'd be more than happy to read them specifically- though right now I'm just kind of going off what I see, still with no absolute answers, although I am still learning.

 

[Proserpina]

Also...

What exactly will make a difference in a custody hearing? Circumstances referring to income, residence and things like that. Here is my and my ex's setup:

ME:

Job? No, working on setting schooling up
Form of Income? Military Fiancee provides
Residence? Two bedroom apartment.
State provided Income? Food Stamps
Medical for Child? He is on My Medicaid as well as his father's insurance- but his father refuses to give me a card and was against me putting him on Medicaid... which he still doesn't know about.


HIM:

Job? Yes, roughly for the past 6 months.
Form of Income? Job, pays no bills.
Residence? Currently with parents until the 18th, then unknown.
State Provided Income? No
Medical for Child? Yes

Do I have a right to be upset about him setting up and promising a weekly payment for things our son needs- then not doing it at all? i haven't brought itup to him b/c I've been set on believing if he cant remember to do it himself- then it must not be important to him... I've been providing for our son up until now.

Without a court order he's not legally obliged to pay a cent.

Also, do I have a right to refuse a "sit down" between him and his new girlfriend and my fiancee?

Absolutely. This is between the parents, and only the parents.

I've strictly just kept it between me and my ex when it concerns our son, and he is very adamant about my fiancee not paying for anything for him, or taking care of him (even though its been ok for him to do up until now) yet he can now insist that his girlfriend be present? When I know he has cheated on her- and have proof? No I would never bring that up... but I dont see a reason for her to have a huge involvement in this when it seems he doesnt care much about her. I dont want my son getting hurt b/c he is attached to one of these girls and then ripped away when his dad is done with them... Do I have aright to feel that way, and refuse to sit down with them to discuss our son?

And I know that she would be the one to take care of my son as my ex's hours at work are 2-12pm, yet even at home he doesn't come in until 3am, and sleeps until noon. Even when his parents pick up our son to spend the night, my ex refuses to watch him in the morning b/c he will not get up before noon to do so. Nor do I recieve any calls or txt ever from him regarding wanting to see his son, or even talk to him- I hear more from his parents on that matter.

Also... If my fiancee (we will be married hopefully in Jan, or April- he leaves on deployment in between-) gets his reinlistment, we will be moving to CA in late April- how will that affect custody? Could that be a big factor in me NOT getting physical custody? I have sat down and figured it all out and is possible to do whether I drive my son cross country to see his father, or my ex's step mother goes to CA every two weeks on business and has offered to fly him back every couple months or what not that we can agree on. I WANT my son to see his dad and have no problems making that happen. But I still believe that I should have physical custody.

I'm trying desperately to prepare myself in every way shape and form, and I hope these questions arent to far out there...

Be aware that your if you are allowed to take kiddo with you (which isn't a guarantee, though military moves are more likely to be approved than others) that you'll probably be bearing the cost of sending kiddo to Dad during his visitation however that happens.

 

[Isis1]

okay...let's see.

how long have you been on food stamps? state aid medi-cal? cuz dad will soon find out about that as soon as the state jumps on him for support.

now, you being unemployed and dad being employed, doesn't matter for custody.

in order for dad to have custody, there has to be a change of circumstance. and from the sounds of it, there will be one in April.

do not, under any circumstance agree to meet with his girlfriend.

like said, can't get mad at dad for not paying for support. he's not court ordered to. it looks great on you that you have been allowing visitation, and looks great on dad that he was giving you money voluntarily.

now, when you try to argue about how you should have physical custody while moving cross country....you biggest point will be not on why you should retain custody, but why dad is not capable of having custody. then why the child's stability should not change.

 

[MissLeapy]

okay...let's see.

how long have you been on food stamps? state aid medi-cal? cuz dad will soon find out about that as soon as the state jumps on him for support.

I was granted food stamps and medicaid both in Sept of this year; and because I refused to file for the child support and stated that he was about to start paying, they didn't see any reason to force the paperwork- guess that was dumb on my side. But I had been informed that if I EVER file for child support that my ex will no longer retain a civil relationship with me for our son. I was still trying to keep everything as civil as possible- which I'm still doing seeing as how I'm not limiting or forcing him to do anything.

like said, can't get mad at dad for not paying for support. he's not court ordered to. it looks great on you that you have been allowing visitation, and looks great on dad that he was giving you money voluntarily.

now, when you try to argue about how you should have physical custody while moving cross country....you biggest point will be not on why you should retain custody, but why dad is not capable of having custody. then why the child's stability should not change.

The only he himself hasn't given me. His girlfriend has given me a total of $70 for our son. Not him. She authorized, paid out of her own pocket for it all-which since it was online transfers to a credit card- I have the acct #'s and such. That withen the past year doesnt really look like much to me... but I could be mistaken.

His father's capacity for custody- could that be determined by how much he has seen/time spent/talked to/checked up on his son? His work hours, who would be taking care of him when he is at work(which Ive stated is pretty much all day, and dad refuses to change sleeping schedule even for a couple hours when he has him). I'm just wondering what the different factors are that they will look at- I dont want to bring up anything that isnt relevant. I dont like tit-for-tat situations, lol.


Right now, I myself am my sons only stability. I'm the only thing that has remained the same since he was born. following his father for the first 1yr+ we moved around quite a bit. I've only been in my current residence since May, and Jan I will be going back to my parents (where I was for the last year) until my fiancee is back and our baby is born(all of my doctors are up there), then going to CA(maybe).

He brings up my lack of a "steady" residence, but each one is planned out. my son has his own room in each home- I know when we will be moving and how long we'd be there. He knows my parents home very well and loves being around them. Could be my upcoming moving around be a big factor? Even when he doesnt have a home yet?

My parents home is 3+ hours away and I'm able to bring my son down and back up every two weeks, or he knows he/or even his parents are welcome to come get him for the weekend, or longer. We've done this before, he just hasn't made much of an attempt. Honestly I dont understand why he is so adamant about me not being "fit"...

 

[MissLeapy]

Also, would it be better to talk to an attorney before court/or hire one? I really dont have the money for one in the least but I'm afraid that if my ex does get a lawyer for this, he will win over me...

 

[my life is mine]

Most court houses in VA have an in-take officer that can help you start things along.

You take ID, proof of residence, childs birth certificate and sometimes they will ask for childs SS card.

They will take all your information, they will ask you Dad's information.

Dad will be served to appear at court (depending on area) within a month or three. Usually by Sheriff or a deputy Sheriff, even in the larger city areas.

You can also start this process with your food stamp caseworker, he/she will supply the information you need.

Nearly all of VA has gone to garnishment, to head off situations down the line where a paying parent is refusing to pay.

You most likely will be inputed an income, as VA is a dual income state.

Since you at this time are not married to military that will not take effect with custody and visitation.

To move, I would ask that your court order reflect that you can move with child, and negotiate from there.

You will have to prove, since this is not in reality a military move, why a move would be better for the child.

 

[MissLeapy]

Most court houses in VA have an in-take officer that can help you start things along.

You take ID, proof of residence, childs birth certificate and sometimes they will ask for childs SS card.

They will take all your information, they will ask you Dad's information.

Dad will be served to appear at court (depending on area) within a month or three. Usually by Sheriff or a deputy Sheriff, even in the larger city areas.

Now if it does take over a month or so- do I have to re-file if I get married in Jan b/c I will have a different last name as well as being able to include the military situation then?

You most likely will be inputed an income, as VA is a dual income state.

I'm kind of confused about this- what do you mean inputed an income?

Since you at this time are not married to military that will not take effect with custody and visitation.

To move, I would ask that your court order reflect that you can move with child, and negotiate from there.

You will have to prove, since this is not in reality a military move, why a move would be better for the child.

This goes back to the question above; If I end up getting married before the actual hearing(or pre-trial) will it count then? Do I have to re-file with the new information Or just wait and add it when I go to court?

As far as the military move goes, it is still up in the air- all depends on his reenlistment. Then its mandatory. A complete home port change for their entire boat. I would ask that my court order reflect a move with him- does that also apply to moving in with my parents in jan- or just something big as a cross country move?


ALSO.

A quick question about Jurisdiction.

My son and I both live in Hampton currently but our legal address is in Buena Vista. We moved to Hampton in May but went back to Buena Vista to help my grandmother in august and came back early oct- as well as visiting frequently to see his other family.

While in BV I filled out all the information regarding Food Stamps and Medicaid for us, so with that we are registered there.

I never thought to change the address when I came back b/c I already knew I would be going back in Jan to finish off my pregnancy as my fiancee will be on deployment.

Now his father has been a resident of Hampton all his life, as well as myself and it is where our son was born. Like I've stated before my son and myself went to BV for a year before coming back this May.

So if it takes about a month- 3 months to have him served, and I am back in BV how do I file? Do I have to re-file again now that we are in a different county? Or can I just file in Hampton- as thats where my son was born and where we resided for a majority of his life(and are currently in?) & will I be able to file in Hampton if my legal address is still BV?