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The Long Story Continues

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Tim B

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? California

This question is about a very old problem, and I have asked about it here before, but I need to know something so here I am once again.

In 1989, after a long argument about my wife's alcoholism, my wife left with my 3 year old son. I have not seen him since. It was as if she just fell off the face of the Earth. She just disappeared. At first I tried to find him, but as time went by I was running out of ideas and money, so I resigned myself to the fact that I would not find him, until he found me. And I made sure that was possible, always listing myself in the phone book, updating my driver's license every time I moved, listing myself on websites like www.switchboard.com and www.usa.com, etc.

Well, 16 years has gone by now, and after all that time, the long awaited letter showed up today. My Son wrote to me through the Social Security Administration and wants to know who I am, and where I have been all these years. At first I was just in shock. I couldn't believe it finally happened.

But as the day wore on I started to think about some things I know may make you think I'm cold hearted, but I really do need to consider them. In 1988 I was ordered to pay $108.00 a month (18% of my income at the time) as Child Support. I would have been more than happy to pay it. However, after my wife disappeared in 1989, I had no idea where to pay it to.

In 1990 I called the District Attorneys office in Alameda County, California and spoke to one of their Family Support Officers and explained the situation. I was told that she had kidnapped him as defined in federal and state parental kidnapping laws, and that since I had no idea where she was, that I couldn't very well be held responsible for that. She had commited a crime, not me. However, while they were saying she had commited a crime, they did nothing about it.

I tried everything I could to get them to try and find my Son. I spent hours at the Law Library, and every time I came up with something, nothing ever became of it. There was always some reason why I couldn't do anything. Some rule of law, some legal standard I didn't meet, some counties won't call other counties, I didn't have enough money... It was always something. And I felt let down by the system. So as I said before, I resigned myself to the fact that I had to wait for him to contact me.

Even in 1989 dollars, $108.00 a month wasn't much and I would have and could have paid it at the time. But since I never knew where to send it, it was never paid. My wife and I got back together for a short time after the Court Hearing in 1988 so technically I would assume I wouldn't be having to worry about the time from August 1988 to September 1989, but the rest of the time adds up to $20,736.00. Not including any interest anyone might attach to it.

I am disabled and living on Social Security, which is very limited. And I certainly don't have $20,736.00 plus interest. So I have two main questions, and please don't think I am cold hearted for asking them...

Can my wife that I haven't seen in 16 years, whom I have never been able to get a divorce from or pay Child Support to because I don't know where she is, take me to Court for back payments of Child Support? And if so, can anyone take my Social Security, which is all I have to take?

Don't get me wrong, I have missed my Son dearly all these years. And I want to contact him and tell him I do exist, and that I do love him and have thought of him almost every single day. But I am getting old, I am disabled, and I have nothing to offer him other than a Father's love and moral support. I can not afford to lose my Social Security. I am already barely able to get by as it is.

What should I do? Should I go see a Lawyer? Where do I stand here? I'm confused about the possible problems in this situation.

Thanks for letting me vent my frustration, if nothing else...

Tim
 
Last edited:


pojo2

Senior Member
If these are things you need to ask and things that matter in you contacting your son, then please don't for his sake as well as yours.

If he is 19 how old could that make you unless you started very late having children, 40 ish?
 

Gracie3787

Senior Member
Tim B said:
What is the name of your state? California

This question is about a very old problem, and I have asked about it here before, but I need to know something so here I am once again.

In 1989, after a long argument about my wife's alcoholism, my wife left with my 3 year old son. I have not seen him since. It was as if she just fell off the face of the Earth. She just disappeared. At first I tried to find him, but as time went by I was running out of ideas and money, so I resigned myself to the fact that I would not find him, until he found me. And I made sure that was possible, always listing myself in the phone book, updating my driver's license every time I moved, listing myself on websites like www.switchboard.com and www.usa.com, etc.

Well, 16 years has gone by now, and after all that time, the long awaited letter showed up today. My Son wrote to me through the Social Security Administration and wants to know who I am, and where I have been all these years. At first I was just in shock. I couldn't believe it finally happened.

But as the day wore on I started to think about some things I know may make you think I'm cold hearted, but I really do need to consider them. In 1988 I was ordered to pay $108.00 a month (18% of my income at the time) as Child Support. I would have been more than happy to pay it. However, after my wife disappeared in 1989, I had no idea where to pay it to.

In 1990 I called the District Attorneys office in Alameda County, California and spoke to one of their Family Support Officers and explained the situation. I was told that she had kidnapped him as defined in federal and state parental kidnapping laws, and that since I had no idea where she was, that I couldn't very well be held responsible for that. She had commited a crime, not me. However, while they were saying she had commited a crime, they did nothing about it.

I tried everything I could to get them to try and find my Son. I spent hours at the Law Library, and every time I came up with something, nothing ever became of it. There was always some reason why I couldn't do anything. Some rule of law, some legal standard I didn't meet, some counties won't call other counties, I didn't have enough money... It was always something. And I felt let down by the system. So as I said before, I resigned myself to the fact that I had to wait for him to contact me.

Even in 1989 dollars, $108.00 a month wasn't much and I would have and could have paid it at the time. But since I never knew where to send it, it was never paid. My wife and I got back together for a short time after the Court Hearing in 1988 so technically I would assume I wouldn't be having to worry about the time from August 1988 to September 1989, but the rest of the time adds up to $20,736.00. Not including any interest anyone might attach to it.

I am disabled and living on Social Security, which is very limited. And I certainly don't have $20,736.00 plus interest. So I have two main questions, and please don't think I am cold hearted for asking them...

Can my wife that I haven't seen in 16 years, whom I have never been able to get a divorce from or pay Child Support to because I don't know where she is, take me to Court for back payments of Child Support? And if so, can anyone take my Social Security, which is all I have to take?

Don't get me wrong, I have missed my Son dearly all these years. And I want to contact him and tell him I do exist, and that I do love him and have thought of him almost every single day. But I am getting old, I am disabled, and I have nothing to offer him other than a Father's love and moral support. I can not afford to lose my Social Security. I am already barely able to get by as it is.

What should I do? Should I go see a Lawyer? Where do I stand here? I'm confused about the possible problems in this situation.

Thanks for letting me vent my frustration, if nothing else...

Tim
Your situation is VERY complicated , so you really need to speak to an attorney about it. Alot of attorney's will do consultations for low cost, so call around. I would also get two opinions on it also. Good luck, and I hope that you and your son can get to know each other and enjoy each other.
Gracie :)
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
If the purpose in contacting you was to go after child support...you can be found easily these days....your son wouldn't have needed to write you a letter to do that. Any child support agency could have tracked you down. Meeting or not meeting your son won't change that.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
pojo2 said:
If these are things you need to ask and things that matter in you contacting your son, then please don't for his sake as well as yours.

If he is 19 how old could that make you unless you started very late having children, 40 ish?
People can become disabled and get Social Security benefits before they are 65 years old pojo2. Don't jump to conclusions about the posters age just because he gets Social Security. He even stated he was disabled.

Tim, as for your question... SSDI benefits are garnishable but SSI is not. They wouldn't take all of your SS income, only what the court order is for, plus arrearages and it would be taken out monthly.

The thing is... if she decides to come after you now you can use the doctrine of laches as a defense. Google that phrase... "Doctrine of laches" to find out more information on it.

And by all means, see your son. Answer his questions honestly, even if he doesn't want to hear the truth.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
MissouriGal said:
People can become disabled and get Social Security benefits before they are 65 years old pojo2. Don't jump to conclusions about the posters age just because he gets Social Security. He even stated he was disabled.

Agreed. My dad was 46 when he became severely disabled due to a brain tumor. And accidents can happen at ANY age.

And, yes, there are parents eligable for SS retirement who may have minor children. My husband is nearly 60 and we have an 8 year old, although we are both very healthy and active.
 

Tim B

Junior Member
Thank you for your replies. I will look into this "Doctrine of laches" thing. I will also call the SSA and ask them specifically what parts of my benefits are granishable as well. I mostly get SSDI, but there is some SSI and California SSP in there as well. I believe it's about 70%\20%\10%.
 

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