They Don't Know Them!

[LilCountry]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I have known each other for over 8 years and coming up in Oct. we will have been married for a year. We came from broken families and he has a 2 1/2 year old son and I have a 2 year old daughter. We love our kids very much and think of them as our own.

The biological mother to his son took off the week of Easter of 2007, showed up in Oct 2007 and only saw the child for 15 min. After that we haven't heard anything from her. She does not pay child support, help with medical bills, and in Oct. stated to us that she did not want the motherly role to their son, just call her Auntie whenever she comes around.Wehave not seen nor heard from her since Oct 27th. During this time their son has grown to me and started to call me Mommy. He had nothing to do with his biological mother. We have tried to contact her about letting me adopt their son due to the best interest of the child but she never responed to the letters.

Same with my daughter. My husband has helped me raise her since she was 6 months old. She has only seen her biological father 3 times her whole life. (when she was 5 month, 6 months, and 9 months and it was only for a few hours) He had told me yes that he would sign over his rights in court to the judge at a custody hearing, but later that month told me no because it would look bad on him giving up rights to one and might lose his 1st daughter from his previous realtioship. He is supposed to pay child support, but some months i might get 30 dollars and sometimes (hardly Never) I might get over a hundred, if not any at all... He is in Jail right now for back child support for his other daughter, but is facing jail time for my daughter as well.

So now that you have heard the story, do we have a good chance of getting the legal right taken away? We are not to be mean, but we raise our kids as our own, we only want what is best for the kids. Don't want people coming in and out whenever they might have time to see them and hurt them. The kids don't know the biological parents which is really sad, but they only look at them as strangers. In Both cases we are the SOLE legal and physical custody to our own kids, but we only want to make things legal and to protect our kids from getting hurt... Also, in case something was to happen to us we want to know that the kids will be able to stay with each other and the family that they know. We have total 3 kids (mine, his, and ours) but love each and every one of them asif they are our own.

Thanks!
Lil Country

 

[CourtClerk]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I have known each other for over 8 years and coming up in Oct. we will have been married for a year. We came from broken families and he has a 2 1/2 year old son and I have a 2 year old daughter. We love our kids very much and think of them as our own.

But what's yours is yours, what's his is his and they are not yours together.

The biological mother (mother - the only one he has) to his son took off the week of Easter of 2007, showed up in Oct 2007 and only saw the child for 15 min. After that we haven't heard anything from her. She does not pay child support, help with medical bills, and in Oct. stated to us that she did not want the motherly role to their son, just call her Auntie whenever she comes around.Wehave not seen nor heard from her since Oct 27th.

She doesn't have to see you, nor does she have to exercise visitation with the child if she doesn't want to. Unfortunate as it is, she's not required to visit with the child. Is there child support ordered? Is there a medical support order? Has dad attempted to hold her responsible if there is an order and she is not complying?

During this time their son has grown to me and started to call me Mommy. He had nothing to do with his biological mother. We have tried to contact her about letting me adopt their son due to the best interest of the child but she never responed to the letters.

BAD MOVE. You know your name and it is NOT mommy. You need to tell him that and correct him if he is calling you mommy (which, you are NOT). If DAD has tried to contact her and she hasn't responded, what did he do next? Just send another letter? Yeah, that's productive.

Same with my daughter. My husband has helped me raise her since she was 6 months old. She has only seen her biological father (father - the only one she has) 3 times her whole life. (when she was 5 month, 6 months, and 9 months and it was only for a few hours) He had told me yes that he would sign over his rights in court to the judge at a custody hearing, but later that month told me no because it would look bad on him giving up rights to one and might lose his 1st daughter from his previous realtioship. He is supposed to pay child support, but some months i might get 30 dollars and sometimes (hardly Never) I might get over a hundred, if not any at all... He is in Jail right now for back child support for his other daughter, but is facing jail time for my daughter as well.

So, if you've gotten money from him for CS, then he hasn't abandoned the child.

So now that you have heard the story, do we have a good chance of getting the legal right taken away? We are not to be mean, but we raise our kids as our own, we only want what is best for the kids.

Yours and mine. You two do not share children in common. Your ex, although marginally is supporting your child.

Don't want people coming in and out whenever they might have time to see them and hurt them.

Do you know the statistics for second and subsequent marriages???? Rethink your statement. And if anyone is "coming in and out whenever" it is because you put the children in that position by picking that person as their parent.

The kids don't know the biological parents which is really sad, but they only look at them as strangers.

Yeah, sad.

In Both cases we are the SOLE legal and physical custody to our own kids, but we only want to make things legal and to protect our kids from getting hurt... Also, in case something was to happen to us we want to know that the kids will be able to stay with each other and the family that they know. We have total 3 kids (mine, his, and ours) but love each and every one of them asif they are our own.

Isn't that grand??? Hire an adoption attorney

 

[LilCountry]

But what's yours is yours, what's his is his and they are not yours together.

She doesn't have to see you, nor does she have to exercise visitation with the child if she doesn't want to. Unfortunate as it is, she's not required to visit with the child. Is there child support ordered? Is there a medical support order? Has dad attempted to hold her responsible if there is an order and she is not complying?

BAD MOVE. You know your name and it is NOT mommy. You need to tell him that and correct him if he is calling you mommy (which, you are NOT). If DAD has tried to contact her and she hasn't responded, what did he do next? Just send another letter? Yeah, that's productive.

So, if you've gotten money from him for CS, then he hasn't abandoned the child.

Yours and mine. You two do not share children in common. Your ex, although marginally is supporting your child.

Do you know the statistics for second and subsequent marriages???? Rethink your statement. And if anyone is "coming in and out whenever" it is because you put the children in that position by picking that person as their parent.

Yeah, sad.

Isn't that grand??? Hire an adoption attorney

WOW! This is long...

First start here! I did tell him from the beginning time and time again that I wasn't his mommy that my name was ****** but he kept on... The family did the same as well... My daughter calls him Daddy because that is all that she has ever knew.

The son's Mother Will not come around here due to the fact that she never showed back up for court. And I have to say no my daughter wasn't planned I did use prtection but nothing is 100% but i am greatful for her and it's sad to say that he isn't being the father that he should be and No Not really is he supporting her! He is right at 4,000 behind in back child support which only started when she was 4 months old.

The Issue with the real mother yes they have one but it's supposed to be handled between each other. But she never showed up for the other court dates, he figured that she wouldn't show up for that one either!

We do have one daughter together she is 3 months old... hehe

and thank you for your comments! they are helpful!

 

[CourtClerk]

WOW! This is long...

First start here! I did tell him from the beginning time and time again that I wasn't his mommy that my name was ****** but he kept on... The family did the same as well... My daughter calls him Daddy because that is all that she has ever knew.

Your daughter needs to stop calling him Daddy for the same reason. That's NOT her daddy. For a LONG time, my son used to look at every animal and call it a cow or a dog. Do you know what I kept doing each and every time he called something a cow or a dog that wan't a cow or a dog (actually called a fat woman a cow once), I corrected him. No, that's a cat, no that's a bird, etc. After a while, he stopped calling random animals (and people) cows. Your daughter has no business calling that man daddy if he's not her father. His child has no business calling you mommy if you aren't his mother. Plain as that.

The son's Mother Will not come around here due to the fact that she never showed back up for court.

That has nothing to do with anything.

And I have to say no my daughter wasn't planned I did use prtection but nothing is 100%

If you had sex (protected or not), you planned her. Unless you were raped, or were 5 and didn't know where babies came from, your pregnancy was intentional. Abstinence is 100% effective, 100% of the time. I guarantee it.

but i am greatful for her and it's sad to say that he isn't being the father that he should be and No Not really is he supporting her!

You stated that you received money from him in CS. That is support. What I said was although negligible, you have received support. That is a FACT.

He is right at 4,000 behind in back child support which only started when she was 4 months old.

OK, but what does that have to do with what I said???

The Issue with the real mother yes they have one but it's supposed to be handled between each other. But she never showed up for the other court dates, he figured that she wouldn't show up for that one either!

Him "figuring" is doing nothing to aid the situation.

We do have one daughter together she is 3 months old... hehe

Well good for you.

 

[LilCountry]

Well all I am saying that we are not going to Depriving the kids of a mother and a father! That's why we stoped contrecting them and Both Real Mother and Real Father know that the kids call us Mommy and Daddy and have no problem with it! LIke i said earlier The real Mom doesn't want the mother role That is was she said! She said "I am not coming back as the Mommy nor wanting the Mommy role, lets just call me Autie **** or a friend of the family!" And the real Father he said he doesn't care, he also he is glad that she has him! That's just what I am going by and I don't see the problem with giving them that..
You don't have to be a Mother by blood or a Daddy by blood you can be a Mommy/Daddy By heart. Thats why kids get Adopted every day...

 

[CourtClerk]

Thats why kids get Adopted every day...

You want to know the difference between your situation and adopted children?

Adopted children are the children of the parents LEGALLY. Therefore, for all intents and purposes and for every purpose under the law, they are mommy and daddy by virtue of a judge making it so. I have 2 adopted siblings. I have an adopted child. I was mommy after the signature on the order, not before.

 

[LilCountry]

You want to know the difference between your situation and adopted children?

Adopted children are the children of the parents LEGALLY. Therefore, for all intents and purposes and for every purpose under the law, they are mommy and daddy by virtue of a judge making it so. I have 2 adopted siblings. I have an adopted child. I was mommy after the signature on the order, not before.

Okay I get your point! Back to what I was asking from the get go! Does it or does it not sound like we might have a good case? We do want to Adopt each others kids, we want to make our home complete for the kids sake! Which later in the long run when they are old enough to understand things, we will sit down and talk about the "real" parents... Not bashing them, because I think every child should know their real parents... Like I have said earlier as well, i have talked to a few lawyers and they say they think so, but I was just trying to see what others may think... Do ya kinda understand where I am coming from?

 

[CourtClerk]

If all of the NCP's are in agreement, then get the adoption.

I for sure would like to see you married more than almost a year before you did it though. I personally think the 1 year marriage thing is ridiculous. It should be more like 5 - 7 years.

 

[LilCountry]

We have a loving marriage and i don't see how being married right at a year is any different from being married for 5 -7 years! But Thanks! I will get the paperwork started! Thanks and have a great day!!!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

WOW! This is long...

First start here! I did tell him from the beginning time and time again that I wasn't his mommy that my name was ****** but he kept on... The family did the same as well... My daughter calls him Daddy because that is all that she has ever knew.

The two year olds have learned these words from you and hubby. Do you think it is natural instinct on a two year old's part? What confuses me, is that you both have two year olds, yet knew each other for 8 years, and you now have a child together. You both obviously were with your *X*s at least 3 years ago.


The son's Mother Will not come around here due to the fact that she never showed back up for court. And I have to say no my daughter wasn't planned I did use prtection but nothing is 100% but i am greatful for her and it's sad to say that he isn't being the father that he should be and No Not really is he supporting her! He is right at 4,000 behind in back child support which only started when she was 4 months old.

The Issue with the real mother yes they have one but it's supposed to be handled between each other. But she never showed up for the other court dates, he figured that she wouldn't show up for that one either!

We do have one daughter together she is 3 months old... hehe

and thank you for your comments! they are helpfull.

hehe.

 

[fairisfair]

personally, I have a stepfather that I call Dad. He never adopted me... and I seem to be reasonably well adjusted at least most of the time.

He is the man who raised me, fed me, clothed me and was a father to me when mine could not be.

He is my dad.

nobody TAUGHT me to do it.

 

[LilCountry]

WOW! This is long...

The two year olds have learned these words from you and hubby. Do you think it is natural instinct on a two year old's part? What confuses me, is that you both have two year olds, yet knew each other for 8 years, and you now have a child together. You both obviously were with your *X*s at least 3 years ago.


The son's Mother Will not come around here due to the fact that she never showed back up for court. And I have to say no my daughter wasn't planned I did use prtection but nothing is 100% but i am greatful for her and it's sad to say that he isn't being the father that he should be and No Not really is he supporting her! He is right at 4,000 behind in back child support which only started when she was 4 months old.

The Issue with the real mother yes they have one but it's supposed to be handled between each other. But she never showed up for the other court dates, he figured that she wouldn't show up for that one either!

We do have one daughter together she is 3 months old... hehe

and thank you for your comments! they are helpfull.

hehe.

We were child-hood friends! That's how I knew for for over 8 years... we have always been friends... When his X (which was a girl i knew and went to school with) got pregnant she did it behind his back! yeah okay i know what ya'll are going to say, but he did give her the money to be on birth control but she put the money in her pocket and didn't get on it and that's how our son came along... Kids do pick up on things on their own! I work with my kids very hard on learning! I have flash cards and they see in the books that I read that Daddy is the one who is with them taking care of them and so is the mommy! And No I left my ex because he tryed to run me over with a car while i was pregnant with HIS child when i was 5 month pregnant.

 

[LilCountry]

personally, I have a stepfather that I call Dad. He never adopted me... and I seem to be reasonably well adjusted at least most of the time.

He is the man who raised me, fed me, clothed me and was a father to me when mine could not be.

He is my dad.

nobody TAUGHT me to do it.

THANK YOU! I AM GLAD THAT SOMEONE CAN SEE WHERE I AM COMING FROM ON THAT NOTE!!!!!!!!!

 

[LilCountry]

Thanks

thank you for all those that commented back to me on my entry that I posted here!

 

[LdiJ]

personally, I have a stepfather that I call Dad. He never adopted me... and I seem to be reasonably well adjusted at least most of the time.

He is the man who raised me, fed me, clothed me and was a father to me when mine could not be.

He is my dad.

nobody TAUGHT me to do it.

I am going to agree with you as well, with this specific set of facts. Both of the children's other parents have abdicated the parental role. The mother of one child even said that she wants to be called "auntie".

In an instance like that, I don't have a problem with a stepparent being called mommy or daddy. I have a serious problem with it when children DO have an active mother or father in their lives....even if that parent is only marginally active.

However, its also critical that the parents be honest with the children, in age appropriate ways, so that the children grow up understanding that there was another mother/father out there, in case that mother/father ever pops back into the child's life.

As far as adoption is concerned in this particular scenario, its far too soon to be contemplating that, in my opinion. The abdicating parents haven't been gone long enough, and the couple has not been married long enough.