This is Frustrating

[KKHeuser]

I'm in Ohio. This is a very frustrating situation and I hope someone can help me with it. Since my sister, whom this case involves, doesn't have internet access she has asked me to help her get all the information she can. Ok here's the situation. April 2002 my sister filed for divorce from her husband of 3 years. They had two very small children at the time, the youngest was barely 4 months old. During their marriage several of us witnessed him abusing both of the children. When they were divorcing he kidnapped the children and left them alone with his father who was intoxicated and passed out. Both where in dire need of diaper changing and feeding when my sister armed with a CPO retrieved them from the apartment. When they went to court this man was given visitation rights. The first one he arranged he did not show up to pick them up and then he never made arrangements again. He didn't even show up for their final court hearing. He never contacted her or any of us for 14 months at which point her attorney told her that she was under no obligation to respond to his call since it fell well beyond the statute. When she asked if she needed to file abandonment on her ex her attorney said no it was not necessary. Then her ex started showing up at family members houses and then finally my sisters house. He watched the house prior to knocking on the door, waiting for her new husband to leave her and the children alone. My sister called the police but, he left before they arrived. A month ago she received a summons to a contempt hearing. Her ex is claiming that his recent attempts to exercise his visitation were actually attempts made before the statute ran out!! He's an unstable individual who kicked this baby's basinet and screamed in her face at 2 weeks old!! He made his choice by not contacting my sister and now a Magistrate is trying to make my sister allow him to take the children for visits when those children now 4 and 2 do not know him!! Is there anything we can do to stop this before it causes emotional damage to these children?

 

[djohnson]

Nothing. He is still the father. Your sister made the choice when she chose him. She will have to live with those consequenses the rest of the children childhood. She can't prove he didn't attempt. It would be her word against his saying she denied visitation. It's your job as mother to explain that he is their father to try and make the transition easier for them. It doesn't matter what it does to you. If he is abusive and you can prove it, then you may have something to go on and go back to court and ask for supervised visitation. The question is though how is your sister going to prove it?

 

[KKHeuser]

Nothing. He is still the father. Your sister made the choice when she chose him. She will have to live with those consequenses the rest of the children childhood. She can't prove he didn't attempt. It would be her word against his saying she denied visitation. It's your job as mother to explain that he is their father to try and make the transition easier for them. It doesn't matter what it does to you. If he is abusive and you can prove it, then you may have something to go on and go back to court and ask for supervised visitation. The question is though how is your sister going to prove it?

She lived with us for six months following the divorce and custody hearings. We had caller Id and I was the one who primarily answered the phone as she was having to work 10hrs a night to support herself and slept for a portion of the day and spent the rest of it with the children. He did not call our house at all. Her ex moved a couple of months after the divorce and did not call to provide contact information. So, when my sister and the children moved into their own place she was unable to pass along that information to him. I lived in that same house for another several months with the same number, no calls. When I moved I listed my new number in the phone book. No calls. Not one of our family members saw or heard from him for 14 months and has filled out affidavits to this fact. She also has a dozen witnesses to his abuse of the children and the courts still granted him unsupervised visititation..

 

[kat1963]

It doesn't matter what he did prior to the divorce being final, the judge will not hear it or be able to consider it again. The fact is the judge gave him visitation rights despite the accusations your sister made. She refused visitation. Please call your sister & find out which OH statute gives the custodial parent the right to terminate visition without obtaining a court order FIRST. Do note that if he's paying child support it is still considered contact.
KAT

 

[djohnson]

Also keep in mind that hearsay means even less when coming from a family member. The judge understands that families will lie for each other. What is stopping his family from saying they were with him when he called and no one would answer and they would hang up , or he went to pick the kids up and they weren't there or were refused. You are too full of emotion and what YOU think is right to see both sides.

 

[KKHeuser]

It doesn't matter what he did prior to the divorce being final, the judge will not hear it or be able to consider it again. The fact is the judge gave him visitation rights despite the accusations your sister made. She refused visitation. Please call your sister & find out which OH statute gives the custodial parent the right to terminate visition without obtaining a court order FIRST. Do note that if he's paying child support it is still considered contact.
KAT

I don't need to call my sister I will look it up in my husbands papers I am a step mom as well. He chose not to exercise his visitation for 14 months!!! Statute is in Article 27 I believe it's call. He has not willingly paid child support. He has only paid the equivilant of 2 months out of two years and the reason is because everytime CS enforcement garnishes his pay check he quits his job.

 

[KKHeuser]

Also keep in mind that hearsay means even less when coming from a family member. The judge understands that families will lie for each other. What is stopping his family from saying they were with him when he called and no one would answer and they would hang up , or he went to pick the kids up and they weren't there or were refused. You are too full of emotion and what YOU think is right to see both sides.

Number one My family would not lie for any of us because we aren't that close. Number two the abuse witnesses were not limited to family members only she had neighbors who witnessed this as well. Number three his family has disowned him with exception to his father who only appears when he wants money or a place to stay since my sister's ex has neither he's probably not seen his drunken father since the divorce began.

 

[djohnson]

Number one My family would not lie for any of us because we aren't that close. Number two the abuse witnesses were not limited to family members only she had neighbors who witnessed this as well. Number three his family has disowned him with exception to his father who only appears when he wants money or a place to stay since my sister's ex has neither he's probably not seen his drunken father since the divorce began.

Since you seem to have all the answers (reminds me of my sixteen year old), then why are you here asking questions. You go into court with your sister with that attitude and see what happens. We are trying to tell you what will matter and what won't, that you have to have proof, and hearsay isn't proof. But you go on and represent your sister to save her money since you are so smart and see how it goes. Your sister made the choice to let him be the father of these children. She can't just change her mind now, the are half his. You can't prove he hasn't tried to see them and she has been refusing. The key word is prove.

 

[stealth2]

Were any of these witnesses disturbed enough to actually report the abuse?

 

[KKHeuser]

Were any of these witnesses disturbed enough to actually report the abuse?

Honestly, I don't know about the neighbors. I didn't report it to the police but, I did inform my sister about what I saw and heard. That was one of the reasons she left him.

 

[kat1963]

Article 27 what of what??? You made a statement of legal fact don’t walk away until you provide proof. If there is such a thing, I want to read it, seriously I do. You don't know because there simply isn't one that states the custodial parent can, on a whim, terminate the non custodial parent’s right to visitation WITHOUT A COURT ORDER. I sure hope your sister realizes that contempt is actually criminal and the judge can put her in jail and/or fine her for her actions. Did she give 30 days notice to the ex AND courts PRIOR to any change in address or telephone number? Of course not, she thinks she's above the law. Child support enforcement was informed right away though I'm sure. Well that's fine. Come back next year when the judge changes custody because if this keeps up, it will happen regardless of what allegations your family makes against him.
I totally agree if the other poster that if your sister goes into court with your attitude the judge is going not only put her in her place, he’ll add some too just for good measure.
KAT

 

[VeronicaGia]

When they were divorcing he kidnapped the children and left them alone with his father who was intoxicated and passed out.

If there was no custody order, both had equal rights to custody and therefore, there was no kidnapping. And if there was a custody order and this was done on his court ordered visitation time, once again, there was no kidnapping.

Your sister needs to follow the court order or learn the hard way. If she didn't want this man to be the father of her children, she shouldn't have had children with him. He is still, and always will be, the father. The sooner she accepts that, the easier her life will be.

 

[KKHeuser]

Article 27 what of what??? You made a statement of legal fact don’t walk away until you provide proof. If there is such a thing, I want to read it, seriously I do. You don't know because there simply isn't one that states the custodial parent can, on a whim, terminate the non custodial parent’s right to visitation WITHOUT A COURT ORDER. I sure hope your sister realizes that contempt is actually criminal and the judge can put her in jail and/or fine her for her actions. Did she give 30 days notice to the ex AND courts PRIOR to any change in address or telephone number? Of course not, she thinks she's above the law. Child support enforcement was informed right away though I'm sure. Well that's fine. Come back next year when the judge changes custody because if this keeps up, it will happen regardless of what allegations your family makes against him.
I totally agree if the other poster that if your sister goes into court with your attitude the judge is going not only put her in her place, he’ll add some too just for good measure.
KAT

I don't feel your attack was justified in any way. I said I will have to look it up in my husbands' divorce papers!! I am in the process of finding those papers to copy to you the exact placement of the 1 year and 1 day statute. For the record my sister did not on a whim decide to refuse him visitation when he did finally call someone to arrange for visitation it was 14 months after the last time he had contacted anyone and her ATTORNEY told her she was under no obligation to return his call because of the statute. I do know that my sister did inform ATTORNEY of her new address and phone number because I accompanied her to his office to do so. Whether or not she did so with the courts I don't really know. Her ex was no where to be found and as I said had made no effort to contact anyone until about two months ago. My sister would not willingly commit any crime, she couldn't even leave her ex before he raped her (hence the cause of her second pregnancy) because of her son. She is a strong believer in a child needing both parents and was more than accomodating when they were going through the divorce. It's not her fault that he didn't want anything to do with those kids until he found a girlfriend desperate to play mommy... I know this to be fact because I've known his girlfriend since I was in High school.

 

[KKHeuser]

If there was no custody order, both had equal rights to custody and therefore, there was no kidnapping. And if there was a custody order and this was done on his court ordered visitation time, once again, there was no kidnapping.

Your sister needs to follow the court order or learn the hard way. If she didn't want this man to be the father of her children, she shouldn't have had children with him. He is still, and always will be, the father. The sooner she accepts that, the easier her life will be.

Okay so what you're all saying is that this man can disappear for two years at a time and come back demanding visitation! What kind of sense does that make?? That's no kind of life for those poor kids, it's inhumane! Convicted murders are treated better. So here let me come to your house and take your very young kids for a weekend without them having met me before. Not only will your kids be confused but, they will be emotionally traumatized. Oh and let me do this once every two years. to make sure the constant emotional upheaval leaves a lasting result. If my sister's ex had been a father and exercised his visitation rights we'd have no problem. She would have welcomed his being a part of their lives. HE chose to disappear, HE chose not to have anything to do with those children, HE chose not to pay child support. Her Attorney told her not to respond to her ex's phone call two months ago so if she is in contempt then so is he. And he should be more guilty than she because he's supposed to know the law and counsel others.

 

[stealth2]

Honestly, I don't know about the neighbors. I didn't report it to the police but, I did inform my sister about what I saw and heard. That was one of the reasons she left him.

Well, then it's all crap in terms of court. It wasn't important enough for anyone to call CPS or the cops.