Thoughts on costody??

[FLORIDANOW]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

It started about a year and a half ago, the mother(custodial) and i (non-custodial) went to court and had visitation, and child support orders placed. I started paying child support through the court and started my normal visitation schedule. Now before the order was placed by the court i had been going three years with visitation being every other weekend, then it just got to where we couldn't agree on birthdays, holidays,ect. So we went to court almost two years ago, and everything was fine for about a month, then she decided to leave her husband that she just recently had a daughter by and move in with a new boyfreind. Things went downhill from there, as soon as the divorce was final and child support was being paid to her by the ex-husband and me, she quit her job. She has since moved several times, living with at least three different guys that i know of, and had to change my sons schools three times.

Now just to give you a better understanding of whats going on, my wife and i have kept a very close relationship with my sons grandmother ( on my ex's side) so evertime she drops him off, which is at least 3-4 days at a time almost everyweek, she will call us and let us know. So for almost a year now she hasn't worked, moved 3-4 times, and for days at a time will leave him at her parents house to party.

I understand it takes alot for the father to get costody, and i have alot of proof of what she is doing wrong, myspace/facebook pictures of her at clubs and parties with dates on them, which should be days that she should have him, such as school nights and weekends that i dont have him. Then i have her grandmother who tells me everything, and has been a big help but isnt sure she would testify if it came to that. She has been abused before, and has actually been kicked by her husband infront of my son(my son is the one that told me) for telling me how often they keep him.

So i would like to know how i would stand in getting costody of my son, i understand there are many variables that go into deciding costody, and any further information you might need to answer please ask. As for myself, i'm married with a job, and no other kids other than my son.


Thank you for your time.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

It started about a year and a half ago, the mother(custodial) and i (non-custodial) went to court and had visitation, and child support orders placed. i started paying child support through the court and started my normal visitation schedule. Everything was fine for about a month, then she decided to leave her husband that she just recently had a daughter by and move in with a new boyfreind. Things went downhill from there, as soon as the divorce was final and child support was being paid to her by the ex-husband and me, she quit her job. She has since moved several times, living with at least three differnt guys that i know of, and had to change my sons schools three times.

Now just to give you a better understanding of whats going on, my wife and i have kept a very close relationship with my sons grandmother ( on my ex's side) so evertime she drops him off, which is at least 3-4 days at a time almost everyweek, she will call us and let us know. So for almost a year now she hasn't worked, moved 3-4 times, and for days at a time will leave him at her parents house to party.

I understand it takes alot for the father to get costody, and i have alot of proof of what she is doing wrong, myspace/facebook pictures of her at clubs and parties with dates on them, which should be days that she should have him, such as school nights and weekends that i dont have him. Then i have her grandmother who tells me everything, and has been a big help but isnt sure she would testify if it came to that. She has been abused before, and has actually been kicked by her husband infront of my son(my son is the one that told me) for telling me how often they keep him.

So i would like to know how i would stand in getting costody of my son, i understand there are many variables that go into deciding costody, and any further information you might need to answer please ask. As for myself, i'm married with a job, and no other kids other than my son.


Thank you for your time.

Her moving the child and changing schools 3 times in a matter of a year and half along with you actually having the child what looks like the majority of time could I believe count as a substantial change in circumstances. I think you may have a case. Fathers have just as much right to file for custody as mothers do. Now leave out the petty stuff like her out at clubs on her nights with your child. It is her life and those pictures arent going to help you. You dont have to agree with her lifestyle but that is really none of your business.

 

[FLORIDANOW]

Her moving the child and changing schools 3 times in a matter of a year and half along with you actually having the child what looks like the majority of time could I believe count as a substantial change in circumstances. I think you may have a case. Fathers have just as much right to file for custody as mothers do. Now leave out the petty stuff like her out at clubs on her nights with your child. It is her life and those pictures arent going to help you. You dont have to agree with her lifestyle but that is really none of your business.

Sorry, must not have been as clear as i wanted to be. I have only had basic visitation with my son for the past 4-5 years. Only the last 1 1/2 - 2 years have been court ordered.

She now will have him lie about his behavior at school and where he is during the week.

 

[Isis1]

Sorry, must not have been as clear as i wanted to be. I have only had basic visitation with my son for the past 4-5 years. Only the last 1 1/2 - 2 years have been court ordered.

She now will have him lie about his behavior at school and where he is during the week.

so then prove her wrong.

why would she lie about his behavior? what are you saying? what is she saying?

where is her legal residence? in the school district? grandma's residence? is that in the school district? are you in that same school district?

when husband kicked mom, is this the same husband she left?

have you shown up for ALL your visitation?

mom's partying ways while the child is being watched for, is not against the law. now if she dragged the child with her to the clubs, you might have a different story.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Sorry, must not have been as clear as i wanted to be. I have only had basic visitation with my son for the past 4-5 years. Only the last 1 1/2 - 2 years have been court ordered.

She now will have him lie about his behavior at school and where he is during the week.

His behavior at school is easy get the school records. Of course can you prove that his behavior at school is not your fault? You already stated you have 4-5 days out of the week. Do you see where I am going with this? Also if she chooses to go out and use her mom as a babysitter or anyone else that again in not your business. Leave the petty stuff out ok? Do you have proof you have the child as often as you claim?

 

[FLORIDANOW]

so then prove her wrong.

why would she lie about his behavior? what are you saying? what is she saying?

where is her legal residence? in the school district? grandma's residence? is that in the school district? are you in that same school district?

when husband kicked mom, is this the same husband she left?

have you shown up for ALL your visitation?

mom's partying ways while the child is being watched for, is not against the law. now if she dragged the child with her to the clubs, you might have a different story.

The behavior that she is having him lie about is disruptive behavior at school, also him being tardy 1-2 times per week. Which comes from her leaving my son at her parents house and them not being able to get him to school on time.

I'm not in the school district, not even in the same county.

I have shown up for ALL visitations, and actually get him an extra day every once in awhile.

 

[FLORIDANOW]

His behavior at school is easy get the school records. Of course can you prove that his behavior at school is not your fault? You already stated you have 4-5 days out of the week. Do you see where I am going with this? Also if she chooses to go out and use her mom as a babysitter or anyone else that again in not your business. Leave the petty stuff out ok? Do you have proof you have the child as often as you claim?

It is the grandparents of my son that have him most of the time, not me. They keep him at least 1-2 days a week, recently it has been almost all week that they keep him. I dont have him during those times, if i did i would think it would be a no brainer if i could get him.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

It is the grandparents of my son that have him most of the time, not me. They keep him at least 1-2 days a week, recently it has been almost all week that they keep him. I dont have him during those times, if i did i would think it would be a no brainer if i could get him.

Ok thank you for clarifying the wording was confusing.Now you not being in same school district should not make it so you cant get copies of school records. Fax machines, US postal services ect.... We have all kinds of nifty ways to get information from point A to point B nowadays

 

[Isis1]

The behavior that she is having him lie about is disruptive behavior at school, also him being tardy 1-2 times per week. Which comes from her leaving my son at her parents house and them not being able to get him to school on time.

I'm not in the school district, not even in the same county.

I have shown up for ALL visitations, and actually get him an extra day every once in awhile.

okay, the school would have records of those. no need to bring in the child about that.

tardiness is also a school record. again, no need to bring the the child in on that.

and school records of how often he changes schools.

what are his grades like?

 

[FLORIDANOW]

It is the grandparents of my son that have him most of the time, not me. They keep him at least 1-2 days a week, recently it has been almost all week that they keep him. I dont have him during those times, if i did i would think it would be a no brainer if i could get him.

Here is a timeline

11/2000 he was born and at that time we lived together.

2005- we broke up and she kept my son and i gave her money each week and vivitation every other weekend.

2007.5-we went to court and had visitation and child support determined by the judge.

2008-She divorced from her husband, quit working, moved several times, and started leaving my son with her parents through the week.

Recent-Has him lie to me about where he stays during the week, still leaving him with her parents during the week, still has no job.

 

[FLORIDANOW]

okay, the school would have records of those. no need to bring in the child about that.

tardiness is also a school record. again, no need to bring the the child in on that.

and school records of how often he changes schools.

what are his grades like?

Last year the teacher told me that they could have failed him, but they try to avoid failing kids at such an early grade. He is in the 3rd grade now. And i want to keep him out of this as much as possible, thats why i want some honest opinions, the last thing i want to do is drag him through something like this if i dont think i have a really good chance of getting him.

 

[Isis1]

Here is a timeline

11/2000 he was born and at that time we lived together.

2005- we broke up and she kept my son and i gave her money each week and vivitation every other weekend.

2007.5-we went to court and had visitation and child support determined by the judge.

2008-She divorced from her husband, quit working, moved several times, and started leaving my son with her parents through the week.

Recent-Has him lie to me about where he stays during the week, still leaving him with her parents during the week, still has no job.

okay. let's solve THIS problem instantaneously. stop asking the child those questions. that's it. no more. problem solved. child doesn't feel the need to betray mom, and can not feel the need to lie to dad.

whooosh! all done...

none of your business if mom has a job or not. mom is allowed to have babysitters.

 

[FLORIDANOW]

Ok thank you for clarifying the wording was confusing.Now you not being in same school district should not make it so you cant get copies of school records. Fax machines, US postal services ect.... We have all kinds of nifty ways to get information from point A to point B nowadays

Yeah, sorry...i kinda jumped the gun when i posted the thread. I need to take a little more time and read it over better....

 

[Isis1]

Last year the teacher told me that they could have failed him, but they try to avoid failing kids at such an early grade. He is in the 3rd grade now. And i want to keep him out of this as much as possible, thats why i want some honest opinions, the last thing i want to do is drag him through something like this if i dont think i have a really good chance of getting him.

now, the grade issue. might be where you have a case. is child in tutoring? how can you better the child's day to day life to help him suceed? has the child been evaluated for any learning disabilities? therapy?

 

[FLORIDANOW]

okay. let's solve THIS problem instantaneously. stop asking the child those questions. that's it. no more. problem solved. child doesn't feel the need to betray mom, and can not feel the need to lie to dad.

whooosh! all done...

none of your business if mom has a job or not. mom is allowed to have babysitters.

This is where i get confused, you say she can have babysitters, but she has two kids, she has a daughter from her ex-husband, and my son. She has no job, so why does she need a babysitter for up to five nights out of the week??