TN Family Law Question

[AngelEyezTN]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

I am at a total loss as to what to do. I was divorced over
a year ago. My ex and I have joint custody of our two sons.
We share time equal, rotating every other week. He is
remarried and my 10 yr old son keeps coming back here with
bruises from being hit with a belt (usually it is stepmom
who does the bruising but sometimes it's my ex). My son
spent half of last school year showing his teacher bruises
that were left on him by my ex and his new wife and nothing
was ever done. I don't know what to do! I can't really
afford to hire an attorney at this point, as I am remarried
and have a baby on the way so I'm not working but there must
be SOMETHING I can do! I feel so helpless and my oldest son
is suffering. As a side note, I use to work for Children's
Services so I know the criteria for child abuse and this is
abuse if I've ever seen it, but everyone wants to think I'm
just being a typical 'ex' rather than a concerned parent. I
have spoken with my ex about this and he insists there are
no bruises and if so they weren't 'intentional' AS IF THAT
MATTERS! He seems to think that it's ok that our 10 yr old
has bruises on his arms and legs (the fronts of his legs,
not the back...nowhere near his bottom end). On top of all
this my ex continues to 'threaten' that if I cause any
problems he will takes my sons away from me (because he can
afford a lawyer and I can't) so I'm frustrated and don't
know what to do! PLEASE HELP ME!

 

[Ohiogal]

You are kidding right?

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

I am at a total loss as to what to do. I was divorced over
a year ago. My ex and I have joint custody of our two sons.
We share time equal, rotating every other week. He is
remarried and my 10 yr old son keeps coming back here with
bruises from being hit with a belt (usually it is stepmom
who does the bruising but sometimes it's my ex).

Why haven't you called CPS? Reported the abuse -- because if your child is returning from there bruised then it is ABUSE!

My son
spent half of last school year showing his teacher bruises
that were left on him by my ex and his new wife and nothing
was ever done.

Why do you expect the teacher to do something if YOU do NOTHING?


I don't know what to do! I can't really
afford to hire an attorney at this point, as I am remarried
and have a baby on the way so I'm not working but there must
be SOMETHING I can do! I feel so helpless and my oldest son
is suffering. As a side note, I use to work for Children's
Services so I know the criteria for child abuse and this is
abuse if I've ever seen it, but everyone wants to think I'm
just being a typical 'ex' rather than a concerned parent. I
have spoken with my ex about this and he insists there are
no bruises and if so they weren't 'intentional' AS IF THAT
MATTERS! He seems to think that it's ok that our 10 yr old
has bruises on his arms and legs (the fronts of his legs,
not the back...nowhere near his bottom end). On top of all
this my ex continues to 'threaten' that if I cause any
problems he will takes my sons away from me (because he can
afford a lawyer and I can't) so I'm frustrated and don't
know what to do! PLEASE HELP ME!

And so therefore you let your ex dictate everything and you have refused to call Children's Services even though you used to work for them and know the criteria? If you dont do something NO ONE ELSE WILL! Oh and if you have let it go on all this time and someone else reports it, you are just as guilty as dad.

 

[AngelEyezTN]

I'm not completely stupid

Of course DCS has been called, on more than one occasion. I know how they work and obviously that has gotten me NOWHERE! I come to ask for advice and I'm attacked because I didn't bother to say that DCS has been contacted but in the state of TN they are worthless and I know it firsthand? And am accused of being as 'guilty' as my ex because I'm backed into a corner? No how a pictured a 'helpful' discussion forum to be.

 

[Silverplum]

Of course DCS has been called, on more than one occasion. I know how they work and obviously that has gotten me NOWHERE! I come to ask for advice and I'm attacked because I didn't bother to say that DCS has been contacted but in the state of TN they are worthless and I know it firsthand? And am accused of being as 'guilty' as my ex because I'm backed into a corner? No how a pictured a 'helpful' discussion forum to be.

This is NOT a "discussion" forum. This is a LEGAL INFORMATION forum. We're not here to help you figure out your life; some folks here help with LEGAL issues.

And the OBVIOUS thing for you to have done is call DCS -- if you did, don't you think that would have been extremely valuable info to include in your first post?

We only know what you tell us. Now, which genius was it that decided what to include in their post? Hmmmm?

 

[acmb05]

And so therefore you let your ex dictate everything and you have refused to call Children's Services even though you used to work for them and know the criteria? If you dont do something NO ONE ELSE WILL! Oh and if you have let it go on all this time and someone else reports it, you are just as guilty as dad.

Actually Ohiogirl teachers ARE required to report any signs of abuse.

Reports of abuse comming from the new stepmom could be looked on as just revenge but a teacher reporting it would carry more weight.

 

[AngelEyezTN]

Well now why would I bother to ask a question of very critical strangers if I didn't feel like I had exhausted all efforts short of retaining an attorney? I mean come on, I WORKED for DCS so duh that was my first line of defense! When that did me no good I told my son to show the bruises to his teacher and tell her what happened....thought that maybe a teacher reporting the abuse would get a response since a response to a seemingly pissed off ex-wife wasn't coming. And as far as I can tell.....some 'legal forum' this is....I've yet to receive a response that was LEGAL rather than CRITICAL!

 

[Ohiogal]

Actually Ohiogirl teachers ARE required to report any signs of abuse.

Reports of abuse comming from the new stepmom could be looked on as just revenge but a teacher reporting it would carry more weight.

Yeah I knew that but the tone of the note just... my mind slipped. I know they are mandated reporters. However that brings up a next question -- is there really bruises that look like abuse? Or are they bruises that look like a normal kid falling down? See where i am going with this. If mom knows how CPS works could she have been pushing for junior to talk to a teacher to get a teacher to report it and the teacher didn't really see anything that needed reported?

 

[Ohiogal]

Well now why would I bother to ask a question of very critical strangers if I didn't feel like I had exhausted all efforts short of retaining an attorney? I mean come on, I WORKED for DCS so duh that was my first line of defense! When that did me no good I told my son to show the bruises to his teacher and tell her what happened....thought that maybe a teacher reporting the abuse would get a response since a response to a seemingly pissed off ex-wife wasn't coming. And as far as I can tell.....some 'legal forum' this is....I've yet to receive a response that was LEGAL rather than CRITICAL!

You did receive legal answers. You telling your son to tell his teacher -- no wonder teacher didn't report. Teacher probably thought it was nothing more than a civil squabble and didn't want to be used. And she probably didn't see anything that was "abuse" but rather just bruises -- and kids get bruises. Especially if they are running around.
Teacher: Yes junior?
Junior: Mommy wanted me to show you my bruises. She said to tell you stepmommy did this to me.
Teacher: Oh okay.

 

[AngelEyezTN]

OK, makes sense but I never told him to tell her anything other than the truth, whether stepmom did it or my ex did it. My son came to me with it so I went to my ex and that didn't help so I went from there. I don't know what it takes to not sound like a bitter ex-wife. Does it help that I left his sorry, druken ass? Does it matter that his drinking is so much of a problem that it was put in the divorce papers that he cannot consume alcohol around the kids but that he does it anyway? Does it matter that, until now, I haven't mentioned this to try to make him look bad? Does it matter than throughout all of this I never bothered to mention that stepmommy is barely half my sons age, which means that, barring a miracle, she couldn't have birthed him? Does it matter that I've never bothered to mention that at 21 she has 3 kids of her own that she does NOT have custody of, only weekend visitation and now has a newborn with my ex? I mean I have not set out to make them look bad, I only want my children to be safe and not come back to me with bruises, which is why I tried talking with them FIRST. Simply telling them that I thought spanking that resulted in bruising and 'manhandling' that results in fingerprint bruising, is EXCESSIVE punishment! I know that teacher have to report abuse so I was hopeful that it would get looked into, but alas that did not happen. What more is it that I should do that I haven't already done? I don't want to take the kids from their father, I've never wanted that. I just feel like they are using excessive force in their physical punishment and want the excessiveness to stop! Oh and I suppose that it doesn't help ME any that my ex has been with the Sheriff's Dept (corrections officer, not on the road) for 9 years. Wish he would keep his temper and excessive force contained to the inmates that he likes to unnecessarily beat the hell out of that I got to hear about on a regular basis rather than our kids!

 

[Ohiogal]

OK, makes sense but I never told him to tell her anything other than the truth, whether stepmom did it or my ex did it. My son came to me with it so I went to my ex and that didn't help so I went from there. I don't know what it takes to not sound like a bitter ex-wife. Does it help that I left his sorry, druken ass?

Nope. Because the time for that to be brought up was at the divorce hearing. Not for a modification.

Does it matter that his drinking is so much of a problem that it was put in the divorce papers that he cannot consume alcohol around the kids but that he does it anyway?

Then what you should have done was file a motion to show cause on the contempt as long as you can PROVE that he is drinking alcohol around the kids -- and your child telling you is not proof.

Does it matter that, until now, I haven't mentioned this to try to make him look bad?

Truthfully it makes you look worse -- as in, they wouldn't buy the first story so now I have to add to it to get their sympathy/support/whatever. Usually once it goes from stepmom being abusive -- well dad's a drunk. And if that doesn't do it the next thing you will tell us is that HE hits the kids. And then it will be he sleeps around and yada yada yada. The drinking, the sleeping don't really matter when it comes to custody. again if you can prove the drinking file a motion to show cause.

Does it matter than throughout all of this I never bothered to mention that stepmommy is barely half my sons age, which means that, barring a miracle, she couldn't have birthed him?

She is barely half your son's age? Your son is how old? 7? So stepmom is 3 and 1/2 years old? Maybe 5 if the kid is 10? good grief. Your ex would then be a pedophile which would impact the children. But then again how did the 5 year old beat your child so severely with a belt to leave bruises?

Does it matter that I've never bothered to mention that at 21 she has 3 kids of her own that she does NOT have custody of, only weekend visitation and now has a newborn with my ex?

You meant twice his age? That makes more sense. And basically it is all irrelevant. means nothing that she does not have custody of her kids all the time. You don't know the specifics of her custody of the children. You just want to paint a horrible picture of her -- which reflects just as bad on you. When you fling dirt you better hope the wind doesn't kick up because you can end up just as dirty.

I mean I have not set out to make them look bad, I only want my children to be safe and not come back to me with bruises, which is why I tried talking with them FIRST. Simply telling them that I thought spanking that resulted in bruising and 'manhandling' that results in fingerprint bruising, is EXCESSIVE punishment! I know that teacher have to report abuse so I was hopeful that it would get looked into, but alas that did not happen. What more is it that I should do that I haven't already done? I don't want to take the kids from their father, I've never wanted that. I just feel like they are using excessive force in their physical punishment and want the excessiveness to stop! Oh and I suppose that it doesn't help ME any that my ex has been with the Sheriff's Dept (corrections officer, not on the road) for 9 years. Wish he would keep his temper and excessive force contained to the inmates that he likes to unnecessarily beat the hell out of that I got to hear about on a regular basis rather than our kids!

PROVE IT! Prove anything that you are saying. Seriously. You say stepmom is beating your son and now you are saying it is dad and you are flip flopping in order to make a story that we will buy and it hurts your credibility -- and you really dont' know who is doing it so how do you know it is even happening? Unless you have facts and can prove that everything you are saying is true, then you have nothing. If you are concerned, take the children to the doctor so the doctor can examine their bruises -- especially if they appeared only after dad has them. Get medical documentation. Are the kids in counseling? If not, why not? And if so, talk to the counselor and see if they have reported any abuse to her/him -- if not then it may not be happening. It may just be a story that junior is telling to you to get attention.

 

[AngelEyezTN]

First I'm not flip flopping anything. The first post says that BOTH ex and stepmommy are being accused as the culprits by my son, not simply one or the other. And the entire point is that what is important is whether or not they are leaving bruises on my child, otherwise I would gladly 'fling dirt' because the fact is, I have nothing to hide, period. And I suppose if I wanted HER to look bad I would say that just she is being an ass to my kid, but that isn't the case. And yes I DO know the specifics of her situation with her other kids, otherwise I wouldn't bother to bring it up. But of course I suppose she could have lied to me about what happened and that maybe those court papers were forgeries but it's highly unlikely. And in my opinion, this 'legal discussion' is over.

 

[Ohiogal]

First I'm not flip flopping anything. The first post says that BOTH ex and stepmommy are being accused as the culprits by my son, not simply one or the other. And the entire point is that what is important is whether or not they are leaving bruises on my child, otherwise I would gladly 'fling dirt' because the fact is, I have nothing to hide, period. And I suppose if I wanted HER to look bad I would say that just she is being an ass to my kid, but that isn't the case. And yes I DO know the specifics of her situation with her other kids, otherwise I wouldn't bother to bring it up. But of course I suppose she could have lied to me about what happened and that maybe those court papers were forgeries but it's highly unlikely. And in my opinion, this 'legal discussion' is over.

I didn't think there was a doubt that your son is bruised. And again I ask -- have you taken him to a doctor or counseling? As for it being over, then goodbye. You have gotten the legal answer to your questions.

 

[Mrsduc11]

Wow, I am just amazed. Someone comes on here for advice and she is attacked. My advice is to stay the hell away from FreeAdvice. It seems that the only "advice" they can give you is to point out what a bad parent you are and to "PROVE IT! Prove anything that you are saying."
Do you people really have nothing better to do than to tear another person down and make them feel like garbage? Were you not ever told to be polite to people? Did you have a lesson in manners growing up? Seriously, you all really need to get a life.
Are the people replying to this really lawyers? If so, you are in the wrong profession.

 

[fairisfair]

Wow, I am just amazed. Someone comes on here for advice and she is attacked. My advice is to stay the hell away from FreeAdvice. It seems that the only "advice" they can give you is to point out what a bad parent you are and to "PROVE IT! Prove anything that you are saying."
Do you people really have nothing better to do than to tear another person down and make them feel like garbage? Were you not ever told to be polite to people? Did you have a lesson in manners growing up? Seriously, you all really need to get a life.
Are the people replying to this really lawyers? If so, you are in the wrong profession.

are you an idiot? Of course she is going to be told to prove it. That is her burden in a court of law, she will have to prove it. The fact that she thinks that it is true, is not enough, the fact that we believe that it is probably true, is not enough, she will have to prove it. I think you may have been looking for Oprah or Montel and accidentally ended up here. This is not a tell you what you want to hear, warm and fuzzy site.

 

[Rushia]

I think you may have been looking for Oprah or Montel and accidentally ended up here. This is not a tell you what you want to hear, warm and fuzzy site.

Come on over here. Silver and I are cowering in fear and watching people sing hymns!!!!

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=327791