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Troubled Teen and Age of Majority

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stevethomas

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? - NY
Our oldest son is 17 1/2 years old, is a drug user (mostly pot but others also), failed out of his junior year of high school, comes and goes as he pleases, will not help out at home and is generally disobedient ... based on some of this type of behavior (threats of violence, damaged property, theft, etc.) my wife had an order of protection against him requiring him to not use drugs, to go to school, obey curfew, and not be violent ... he voilated this order and spent a day in county jail ... at the subsequent court hearing he was ordered to go to out patient drug rehab ... he also was assigned a parole officer ... currently he continues to use drugs, go out all hours of the night and be a general pain ... his drug rehab councilor is telling him that, in NYS, he has a right to stay with us until he is 21 and that we have to support him ... he is using this to be even more disobedient ... believe me, we have tried everything to get him help ... unfortunately, until he realizes this is a problem, he will not fix it and we all suffer ... at this point my wife and I want him out of the house ... we are even willing to move to a different state if that is what it takes ... what can we do ??? ...
 


Wolflmg

Member
If I were you I take away his cell phone, any of his toys, his car, everything. The only places he goes school and home. I would also get him into a drug rehab program, even if you have to take him kicking and screamning, or look into putting him into a military school and have them deal with him.

How long has your son been like this? In most cases teenagers turn to drugs and violent behavior from dramanic changes in the home, whether a death of a love one, divorce in the family, lack of friends, suffers from depresion and the list can go on. Kids don't become violent over night, normaly something happened to them and in some cases they don't know how to deal with it so they turn to drug and other dangerious things.

If your son doesn't get the help he needs. He'll end up in bigger trouble as he gets older or even worse.
 

stevethomas

Junior Member
Troubled Teen

Tried the taking away priviledges part ... this worked for a short period of time but no longer ... we can not stop him from leaving the house as he has friends that have cars (he will have them park a bit aways and then run out of the house to them) ... he is in drug rehab but it has been ineffective ... we are pushing for inpatient but the courts and the insurance company are hesitent given the drug of choice is pot (I somewhat understand their point on this) ... in any case, drug rehab ony works if you believe it is a problem and want to stop ... from his perspective this is acceptable behavior and he is going only because it is a court order ... he has been treated for depression (inpatient) and at one time had an active suicide plan ... death of his grandmother could have been triggerring event as well as a girl friend break up ... we have had him reevaluated on this and the consensus is that he no longer has a plan and there is no need for further in patient treatement ... he was going to counciling but the councilor refused to continue because of his ongoing behavior ... we are currently trying to get him evaluated for bipolar disorder ... militatry school for a 17 1/2 year old is also not an option ... they do not exist ... our problem is that he is affecting his younger brother (and us) ... at this point we can not accept that he has a free ride with us until he is 21 ... 6 more months wll be hard enough ... we need to know what the laws are in NYS for age of majority ...
 

Wolflmg

Member
Here are some troubled teen and young adult programs I found that deal with teen and young adults, with such behavior. They might be something to look into. Otherwise the best thing for him would be to get in trouble with the law and learn things the hard way, only problem with that is, how much trouble do you want him to get into. Hopefully these sites will help you out.

http://www.boot-camp-boot-camps.com/resources/United_States/NY/
http://www.adirondackleadership.com/
http://www.aspeneducation.com/
http://www.wildernessquest.com/
http://www.strugglingteens.us/?source=google
http://www.parentteenguide.com/index.html?ptggo=troubled+teen
http://www.leadershipworks.org/
http://www.wilderness-programs-info.com/
http://www.liahonaprogram.com/?src=overture
 

stevethomas

Junior Member
Age of Majority

I am still looking for advice on NYS age of majority ... in particular, can my wife and I kick our 18 son out of the house legally ??? ... his rehab councilors are telling him we cannot until he is 21, or married, or has a job ...
 

Wolflmg

Member
stevethomas said:
I am still looking for advice on NYS age of majority ... in particular, can my wife and I kick our 18 son out of the house legally ??? ... his rehab councilors are telling him we cannot until he is 21, or married, or has a job ...
From my understanding in New York age of majority is 21.
 

smutlydog

Member
stevethomas said:
What is the name of your state? - NY
Our oldest son is 17 1/2 years old, is a drug user (mostly pot but others also), failed out of his junior year of high school, comes and goes as he pleases, will not help out at home and is generally disobedient ... based on some of this type of behavior (threats of violence, damaged property, theft, etc.) my wife had an order of protection against him requiring him to not use drugs, to go to school, obey curfew, and not be violent ... he voilated this order and spent a day in county jail ... at the subsequent court hearing he was ordered to go to out patient drug rehab ... he also was assigned a parole officer ... currently he continues to use drugs, go out all hours of the night and be a general pain ... his drug rehab councilor is telling him that, in NYS, he has a right to stay with us until he is 21 and that we have to support him ... he is using this to be even more disobedient ... believe me, we have tried everything to get him help ... unfortunately, until he realizes this is a problem, he will not fix it and we all suffer ... at this point my wife and I want him out of the house ... we are even willing to move to a different state if that is what it takes ... what can we do ??? ...
Have any of the drug councilors given you any insight as to why he has so much anger inside of him? That needs to be established before a solution can be found. The anger had to come from somewhere. And no I am not assuming it came from you or your wife.

At this point you and your wife should get counciling. You probably should have done that a long time ago. It helped me tremendously with my son.
 

clarehart

Junior Member
New York. The age of majority in New York state is 18. I have been in your shoes. However, by law, until the age of 21, you are required to provide him with financial necessities, not luxeries. Necessities by definition are food, clothing and shelter only. You can do that by means of a homeless shelter. Additionally, I would suggest that you obtain orders of protection for your family - through Family Court, so that if and when he does set foot on your property, you can have him arrested for trespassing or if you know he is in possession of drugs, he could be arrested for that as well. At that point, perhaps he could be court mandated into treatment. If you want him to remain in your home and you have zero tolerance for drug use, set your boundaries - that he cannot live in your home until he completes a rehab. program. If I may also suggest, try Al-Anon or
Nar-Anon and educate yourself about addiction and the effects it has on you.
 

ddpat1006

Junior Member
clarehart said:
New York. The age of majority in New York state is 18. I have been in your shoes. However, by law, until the age of 21, you are required to provide him with financial necessities, not luxeries. Necessities by definition are food, clothing and shelter only. You can do that by means of a homeless shelter. Additionally, I would suggest that you obtain orders of protection for your family - through Family Court, so that if and when he does set foot on your property, you can have him arrested for trespassing or if you know he is in possession of drugs, he could be arrested for that as well. At that point, perhaps he could be court mandated into treatment. If you want him to remain in your home and you have zero tolerance for drug use, set your boundaries - that he cannot live in your home until he completes a rehab. program. If I may also suggest, try Al-Anon or
Nar-Anon and educate yourself about addiction and the effects it has on you.
New York**************.....What is the name of the law that says you need to provide support until age 21?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
sending your son in a wilderness program for troubled teens might help a lot. Why? Because I used to send my troubled 16 year old son in a program like that and it helps a lot. Why don't you try it for your son too.[/url]
How do you figure that they'll be able to send their 23 year old son to a wilderness program?

Please don't revive long-dead threads.
 

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