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Stumpedinpa

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Hi, I came on here a couple of weeks ago and it didn't end well. I blew a gasket, called some names and booked. I most likely deserved some of what I got but I was angry. I wish to apologize for two reasons. 1) I'm generally not like that and I am sorry. 2) I need help. It seems to me out of all of the places I've been on the internet and all of the research I've done in the last 3 weeks, this forum has scared me the most.

Without getting into the story again I just have a general question, I understand if no one wants to help, i probably deserve that, but right now I'm desperate for answers.

We got custody as we were acting in loco parentis. When I came here everyone kept saying I am nobody. I am not a parent. Freaked me out and made go nuts. Again I am sorry. But I really really need to know, why? The law, why? Why am I a nobody and why am I not a parent? I don't understand.

If in the state of PA a 3rd party can get custody for acting in place of a parent for a substantial amount of time, and the court deemed we had enough standing to grant us custody, legally what is the problem?

"duck and cover"
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Hi, I came on here a couple of weeks ago and it didn't end well. I blew a gasket, called some names and booked. I most likely deserved some of what I got but I was angry. I wish to apologize for two reasons. 1) I'm generally not like that and I am sorry. 2) I need help. It seems to me out of all of the places I've been on the internet and all of the research I've done in the last 3 weeks, this forum has scared me the most.

Without getting into the story again I just have a general question, I understand if no one wants to help, i probably deserve that, but right now I'm desperate for answers.

We got custody as we were acting in loco parentis. When I came here everyone kept saying I am nobody. I am not a parent. Freaked me out and made go nuts. Again I am sorry. But I really really need to know, why? The law, why? Why am I a nobody and why am I not a parent? I don't understand.

If in the state of PA a 3rd party can get custody for acting in place of a parent for a substantial amount of time, and the court deemed we had enough standing to grant us custody, legally what is the problem?

"duck and cover"

Aw come on - you're asking questions in a vacuum now. That's a huge wide-open question - we're going to need more than that.
 

Stumpedinpa

Junior Member
Aw come on - you're asking questions in a vacuum now. That's a huge wide-open question - we're going to need more than that.
We were granted custody of a little girl whom we are not biologically related too. We started taking care of the child fully in the summer of last year. In April we filed for custody, had our conciliation conference and it was agreed upon by the parties, my husband, myself and the bio mom that we all share legal custody, we get primary physical and mom gets partial w/some stipulations.

Recently this same terminology has been being thrown around, nobody, not a parent. This is freaking me out because I just can't get it into my head why? I know I must be dense and right now I feel that way because I just don't get it.

As I said the court deemed we had standing to file for custody. If we didn't they wouldn't have let us file or if they did let us file we wouldn't have gotten anything.

When I was here the last time I was told that down the road I can be in for a big surprise or a lot of heartbreak because I am not a parent, I am a nobody. Why? If the court says it is so, why should I be worried? :(
 

I'mTheFather

Senior Member
The court didn't deem you a parent. The court deemed you a custodian, and did so with the mother's agreement.

If the mother changes her mind, her rights are superior to yours.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
We were granted custody of a little girl whom we are not biologically related too. We started taking care of the child fully in the summer of last year. In April we filed for custody, had our conciliation conference and it was agreed upon by the parties, my husband, myself and the bio mom that we all share legal custody, we get primary physical and mom gets partial w/some stipulations.

Recently this same terminology has been being thrown around, nobody, not a parent. This is freaking me out because I just can't get it into my head why? I know I must be dense and right now I feel that way because I just don't get it.

As I said the court deemed we had standing to file for custody. If we didn't they wouldn't have let us file or if they did let us file we wouldn't have gotten anything.

When I was here the last time I was told that down the road I can be in for a big surprise or a lot of heartbreak because I am not a parent, I am a nobody. Why? If the court says it is so, why should I be worried? :(

Based on this I have absolutely no clue. You're not a parent, no - but you're the legal custodian of the child. You obviously had standing, because here you are.

The only thing I can think of was a thread I vaguely remember because I was one of the few posters who was trying to get you info. Were people offended that it might have been your husband and not you?

No? Nothing like that? Maybe I have delusions of grandeur or something :)

So, as it stands now, you, Mom & your husband share custody of a little girl with your home being the primary placement. Let's just start there. What's your question?
 

Stumpedinpa

Junior Member
The court didn't deem you a parent. The court deemed you a custodian, and did so with the mother's agreement.

If the mother changes her mind, her rights are superior to yours.
Thank you.

Would that mean we would have to go back to court? Would it then have to go in front of a judge? Or is that it, end game, we're out of the picture?

Even if it isn't in the best interest of the child to be with mom?

Would a lawyer be able to help?
 
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Silverplum

Senior Member
You don't understand why you are not a parent to this child??

You didn't give birth. You didn't adopt. You are not a parent. I don't know how much simpler it could be.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Thank you.

Would that mean we would have to go back to court? Would it then have to go in front of a judge? Or is that it, end game, we're out of the picture?

Even if it isn't in the best interest of the child to be with mom?

Would a lawyer be able to help?
Go back to court for....?

You acted in loco parentis, which gave you ample standing to file for custody. Mom agreed to the custody arrangement you mentioned here. Once it becomes an order (if it hasn't already), there would need to be a change of circumstances in order to change that order. It doesn't suddenly go back to Mom just because she changes her mind if that's the reason.

Help me out here. What am I missing?
 

Stumpedinpa

Junior Member
You don't understand why you are not a parent to this child??

You didn't give birth. You didn't adopt. You are not a parent. I don't know how much simpler it could be.

Lol, I understand that I did not birth this child. However I have been acting as her parent, doing everything her parent should have been doing for almost a year now. She's 18 mos old.

I actually wasn't trying to be so literal. I was just curious as to why people kept saying that in regards to custody.

:)
 

Stumpedinpa

Junior Member
Go back to court for....?

You acted in loco parentis, which gave you ample standing to file for custody. Mom agreed to the custody arrangement you mentioned here. Once it becomes an order (if it hasn't already), there would need to be a change of circumstances in order to change that order. It doesn't suddenly go back to Mom just because she changes her mind if that's the reason.

Help me out here. What am I missing?
That's the exact reason I came back here. By people saying that I was not a parent and that I was a nobody I was/am concerned that somehow although we have a court order it can be overturned if or because the mom changes her mind.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
That's the exact reason I came back here. By people saying that I was not a parent and that I was a nobody I was/am concerned that somehow although we have a court order it can be overturned if or because the mom changes her mind.
You have custody by a court order. The court will now treat you the same way as it treats Mom - a significant change of circumstance is required to modify, and changing her mind does not meet that burden.

And this is something she agreed to which makes it just about impossible for her to appeal.

Still no idea, but yeah - if you have a court order, and you're all custodians in varying degrees, the rules apply to all of you.
 

Stumpedinpa

Junior Member
You have custody by a court order. The court will now treat you the same way as it treats Mom - a significant change of circumstance is required to modify, and changing her mind does not meet that burden.

And this is something she agreed to which makes it just about impossible for her to appeal.

Still no idea, but yeah - if you have a court order, and you're all custodians in varying degrees, the rules apply to all of you.

Whew do I feel better now, lol.

Thank you Proserpina and all very much. I sincerely appreciate your helping me.

;)
 

I'mTheFather

Senior Member
I think I remember some of the particulars. Correct me if I'm wrong.

The child is the daughter of OP's son's former girlfriend. The child is not the son's child. The mother is quite young and lived at the OP's house for quite some time with her child, even after the mom and OP's son broke up.

I believe it became so heated because the OP pretty much bashed the young mother for not caring for her child the way OP expected she would.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I think I remember some of the particulars. Correct me if I'm wrong.

The child is the daughter of OP's son's former girlfriend. The child is not the son's child. The mother is quite young and lived at the OP's house for quite some time with her child, even after the mom and OP's son broke up.

I believe it became so heated because the OP pretty much bashed the young mother for not caring for her child the way OP expected she would.
Oh yeah, I remember now.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
OP, the thing you have to remember is that even in many cases where the parent of a young child has dragged their kid from crack house to crack house, let them sleep in the crib next to the prostitutin' bed, or just dropped them off with a relative and disappeared for years, those folks are usually given a chance (or chances) to get their act together and parent. The parents' rights to raise their child are very strong.

Sometimes these bad parents do change 5, 10 years into the child's life. Others are hopeless. While you have custody of this child, whether that's one year or 18 years, be ready to help this mother be a mother if that's what she decides to do.
 

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