trust fund not being used properly

[beth_parr]

What is the name of your state?Michigan

My mom has a trust fund set up by my dead grandfather. She gets a check every month. it isn't very much. I beleive that the amount of the check is actually dividens from stocks. Anyways my question is in the past when my mom was really in need of money like if a crisis happened she could submit a letter to the trust people and they would give her so much money to take care of what she needed to take care of.
well my mom had a stroke in nov 2000 and is paralyzed and does not speak. my father is conservator of her estate. The problem is he won't ask the trust fund for anything. He pays for her insurance, prescriptions, durable medical equipment, and her care,( she requires 24hour care) and anything else she needs out of his pocket or he uses what little money comes from the checks each month. He always complains that he is broke and he is always bouncing checks. The problem i have is the trust is set up to take care of my mom. My mom needs to be in a nurseing home,(she lives with me and I take care of her). I have been doing this since jan of 2001. I am only 25 and have a family of my own and it is hard for me to care for my mom, especially when I can't leave her for more than a hour alone. We can't even go to the movies with our kids or do anything because she needs someone here incase something happened. My dad does come over twice a day but it's only for about 2 hours. And when he comes in the morning it's like 4am and we are all asleep. So we only get 2 hours a day free time. My dad pays me barely minimum wage. I have told him I can't afford to this anymore. I can't pay my bills and want to go to college and get a better paying job. I have asked him to go thru the trust fund to have them pay me for my mom's care at a higher rate so I can at least pay my bills and go to school, or to put her in a nurseing home and have the trust pay for that. he refuses to do it, saying it's too complicated and they will just give him the runaround. I don't know what to do. I have been doing this for going on 6years physically and emotionally it's draining I feel like i am trapped. I do have a sister and we have family in the area but no one but me is willing to care for my mom. My sister lives like 5 min away and she visits my mom like 2-4 times a year.
any suggestions? My dad is also very stubborn and old. he is reluctant to change anything and he thinks i can actually live off 200 a week. I have 3 kids, there is no way i can do this. Even with there fathers paycheck it doesn't even begin to cover our bills.

thanks,
beth

 

[divgradcurl]

What is the name of your state?Michigan

My mom has a trust fund set up by my dead grandfather. She gets a check every month. it isn't very much. I beleive that the amount of the check is actually dividens from stocks. Anyways my question is in the past when my mom was really in need of money like if a crisis happened she could submit a letter to the trust people and they would give her so much money to take care of what she needed to take care of.
well my mom had a stroke in nov 2000 and is paralyzed and does not speak. my father is conservator of her estate. The problem is he won't ask the trust fund for anything. He pays for her insurance, prescriptions, durable medical equipment, and her care,( she requires 24hour care) and anything else she needs out of his pocket or he uses what little money comes from the checks each month. He always complains that he is broke and he is always bouncing checks. The problem i have is the trust is set up to take care of my mom. My mom needs to be in a nurseing home,(she lives with me and I take care of her). I have been doing this since jan of 2001. I am only 25 and have a family of my own and it is hard for me to care for my mom, especially when I can't leave her for more than a hour alone. We can't even go to the movies with our kids or do anything because she needs someone here incase something happened. My dad does come over twice a day but it's only for about 2 hours. And when he comes in the morning it's like 4am and we are all asleep. So we only get 2 hours a day free time. My dad pays me barely minimum wage. I have told him I can't afford to this anymore. I can't pay my bills and want to go to college and get a better paying job. I have asked him to go thru the trust fund to have them pay me for my mom's care at a higher rate so I can at least pay my bills and go to school, or to put her in a nurseing home and have the trust pay for that. he refuses to do it, saying it's too complicated and they will just give him the runaround. I don't know what to do. I have been doing this for going on 6years physically and emotionally it's draining I feel like i am trapped. I do have a sister and we have family in the area but no one but me is willing to care for my mom. My sister lives like 5 min away and she visits my mom like 2-4 times a year.
any suggestions? My dad is also very stubborn and old. he is reluctant to change anything and he thinks i can actually live off 200 a week. I have 3 kids, there is no way i can do this. Even with there fathers paycheck it doesn't even begin to cover our bills.

thanks,
beth

Talk to an elder law attorney, see if there is a way you can be granted conservatorship of your mom -- that way you could potentially be in a position to request money from the trust for her care, or to have her placed in a care facility, or both.

 

[beth_parr]

i really am hopeing it does not come down to that. It would cause problems within our family. I know my dad would be pissed. He does not like to be told what to do and he would think i was undermining him if did that. I wish there was an easier way to handle the situation, but talking to him hasn't helped. I also can't afford a lawyer.

 

[divgradcurl]

i really am hopeing it does not come down to that. It would cause problems within our family. I know my dad would be pissed. He does not like to be told what to do and he would think i was undermining him if did that. I wish there was an easier way to handle the situation, but talking to him hasn't helped. I also can't afford a lawyer.

Not to be blunt or insensitive, but what do you expect? If your dad is unwilling to do anything and is putting this heavy burden on you and your family, well, I hate to tell you this, but you already have problems within your family.

If dad won't work with you, you either have to do something (like getting a lawyer involved), or just deal with things the way they are. Wishing things were different isn't going to change anything, and nobody here has a magic wand that can resolve your issues while still maintaining family harmony (such as it is). Contact your state's bar association for a referral to free or low cost legal services, if you have a law school in the area you could also see if they provide services to those who can't afford a lawyer.

 

[beth_parr]

thanks for the info i don't mind hearing the truth. i know i can either just sit and deal with the situation or i can do something about it. It just sucks that is has to come down to this is all.

 

[Dandy Don]

So sorry you have to live with such a difficult situation.

If you know who the trustee of the trust is, you need to be contacting the trustee to get a copy of the trust and to also find out for what reasonable purposes the trust allows payment. It's a bit odd for your father to not be getting help from the trust if it is allowable, as that would make his financial burden easier. Let's hope there is enough money in the trust to help pay for a caregiver or for institutional care.

Have you considered contacting Medicare to see if your relative would qualify for benefits under their program?

 

[beth_parr]

I know there is more than enough money to pay for her care. My sister and I are the benificiaries(sp?) and ever since we turned 18 we get quartly reports from the trust. Also because of this same reason my dad has to give us reports every year on his spending, he also has to provide the court with the same info. However that report was due in August and he got an extension till September, but he still hasn't gotten it done. he says he has been too busy working, he is working about 60 hours a week.

 

[Dandy Don]

It won't be very expensive to just CONSULT with a family law or elder care attorney to find out what your options should be. A consultation to get all your questions answered should be no more than $100-$200.

If the trust was set up to help pay for her care, then something is wrong if the money is not being used for that. Was she seriously ill and in need of care when the trust was drawn up?

You will probably need to ask the court to appoint someone to be her guardian/conservator and have that person take over the responsibility and expense of her medical care, if father doesn't want to take on that responsibility.

DANDY DON IN OKLAHOMA ([email protected])

 

[beth_parr]

the trust was set up by her father before he died. She wasn't ill or anything it's just that he was vice president of the largest pharmacutical company in the world(at the time). It was a large amount of money and he didn't want it squandered. he had 3 kids and he did this for all of them. and all of the grandchildren, (my cousins, sister and I) are the benificiaries when our parents die.