Trying to find a case in Vermont

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? Vt.....I am going back to court to "try" and get some parental say in my son's education and medical needs. My son's father has sole legal custody. As you all know I have had some issues with being left out as mom, and all school information and IEP's were signed by the stepmom as guardian and parent alongside my ex's. She also signed emergency card as guardian, and my name was completely excluded. I have finally received all copies from the school which proves all this. My ex "now" is willing to put my name and address information on everything, but I cannot trust this for each school year at this point. Since he forgot for the last 5 years to do so. My ex did not inform me of new diagnosis's needed for my son's educational needs, nor did he include me on my sons IEP which left me frustrated getting this information from the school since my ex's wife signed as guardian/parent also. I do not want to go to court only to find out getting 50% say can only be accomplished by another custody battle. I do not want to uproot my son. What I do want to accomplish in court is just being legally involved. Seems stepmom has more say than I do when it comes to my son's needs. I cannot accept this. My ex says he can have her as a legal guardian and it is legal for him to exclude me and have her sign for medical emergencies, educational needs, and so on without consenting with me. This is NOT right. So please advice me what my best recourse can be so that I am allowed as a mom, to have some legal involvement in my son's life, other than using the 14th amendment as my only argument. Thanks Faith

 

[CJane]

Well, it's likely to be a battle because it DOES involve 'taking' power from your ex and forcing him to share it - on paper anyway.

My court battle was ONLY to change legal custody as well. Stupidhead had sole legal though he was ordered to confer with me about decisions... he just chose not to. I filed for a modification to joint-legal... it took almost a year to get to trial and cost a fortune. Physical custody of the children did not change.

You will need to file to modify custody and state in your motion that you are seeking to modify LEGAL custody from SOLE to JOINT (quit referring to it as 50%). State your reasons for wanting to make the change, you being excluded from medical/educational records, etc.

You need to NOT focus on him not consulting you since as SOLE LEGAL CUSTODIAN he does not have to. But excluding you from records IS an issue. That needs to be your focus.

Also cite his unwillingness to adjust parenting time to better suit your work schedule.

I'm in a way different state, but in my state there are 8 'best interest factors' that the court uses to determine custody. 7 of the 8 were found to be equal at both houses. The one that won my case for me was "Which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent, continuing and meaningful contact with the other parent" Prove that's you.

 

[faithnlve]

Hi Cjane....He recently has been letting me take him when I want. Plus, since this whole mess with the school stuff, he has been open to me much more. BUT, what blew me away is I trusted he had me on my sons educational information, and what blew me away even more is he let his new wife sign as parent/guardian and she did not give any information about the real mom and listed herself as the "other parent". That is why I cannot believe anything my ex tells me, and even though it seems he is now being "nice" and giving me all the time with my son I want, I lost 5 crucial years of my son's needs, and was excluded from my son's educational team getting to know me. (oh and to repeat myself to others...I called the school every year, and to no avail letting my X know I was not getting school info on my son). I was hoping someone knew how I could find a case with these issues I could use in court. I am going to go pro se since I cannot afford an attny. But I do have an attorney who is advising me on my steps in the courtroom. Thanks again...Cjane....Faith

 

[faithnlve]

Well, today I got off the phone with the school and found out this information:

That stepparent's are allowed to make school decisions if the custodial parent gives them that right, without consenting with other parent.

Stepparent's can sign as guardian/parent since the school looks as the step as another parent involved with the care of the student.

Even though mom was excluded from information, it is the duty of the custodial parent to inform the non custodial parent not the schools. And the school is not required to question the custodial parent in regards to information of non custodial parent.

I feel the dad has let the new spouse just take over.....I am not saying he is not an involved parent, but by allowing the new spouse to sign, make decisions, and fill out school forms, she has purposely shoved mom aside. My name was on nothing!

What is even more confusing, is when I checked on my son's medical information, his doctors office does have me listed as other parent. They told me that the step is not listed as other parent due to the fact if something happened to my son and they could not reach the father, then legally they have to contact me.

Now, how is it the school can allow the step then to SIGN as parent/guardian and give the school "permission" to do medically what is necessary? This seems wrong. The fathers signature is not even on the emergency card, only the step.

I would like to go back to court to ask to change full legal to shared legal, but feel the court will not find enough of a change of circumstance to do so even though my ex completely excluded me from any and all information in regards to my son's special needs. I had no idea my son had an IEP for 2 years until recently. The school had no idea I was even still in the picture with my son. Is there anyway I can get shared legal in Vermont? Vermont is so backwards, the courts decide which parent gets full everything. There is no joint unless both parents agree. I would agree, but my ex would not. Please help....Faith

I had a hard time getting his records even though I called each year since the school at first wanted me to prove by court order that my rights were not revoked. Which they were not. This is so frustrating has a mom, I feel as though my son life was stolen from me. It hurts.

 

[CJane]

Faith, I know you're looking for help and I know you feel desperate right now. But you have posted the same question and received the same answers over and over. You can accomplish NOTHING without trying.

You will have to decide if it's worth the battle and honestly, I can't see you prevailing without an attorney. I mean no offense, but you're not cut out to go pro se.

So figure out what you're capable of taking on and whether or not you're willing to fight a potentially losing battle and then if you think you are, hire an attorney.

Otherwise, leave things as they are and force yourself upon the school. Make sure they have your information by going there and giving it to them. Make a pest of yourself. Take the initiative to involve yourself in the child's schooling.

And while it's not the school's responsibility to inform you of anything, if you provide them with SASEs, they will likely mail you everything that they send hom to Dad.

My school has a website with a mailing list that you can subscribe to and get reminders of everything.

Even if you had joint legal, it's likely all of this would still be a fight just because your ex is the way he is.

Decide what you're up for. I don't think we can continue to help you until you decide what you're doing.

 

[faithnlve]

Faith, I know you're looking for help and I know you feel desperate right now.

Your right CJane....I am totally desperate, and at a loss. I hate the idea of a court battle, and agree with you 100% to involving myself on my own. I guess I need to take a deep breath and look at this logically. Let me ask you this then: How would you handle yourself (if in my shoes) at an IEP meeting with the stepmom sitting there making the decisions on your child? I can get separate meetings for parent/teacher conferences, but IEP meetings are once a year. The school does not separate the IEP's between parents for some reason. I will be invited to this meeting and will have input. But, I know this woman, she will be creative in letting me know that she has been the one all along taking care of my sons educational needs, and I cannot just come in making decisions after two years since she knows his needs better than I do at this point. I have zero respect for this woman due to all this mess she created. I would love some advice on how to handle myself in this situation. Thanks again CJane......Faith

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Kill 'em with kindness! Smile on your face ... professionally .... remember that swiss cheese tongue is GREAT!