• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Unhappy Daughter

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

T

Tclark

Guest
What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

My daughter is supposed to have visitation every other weekend with her father. She cries everytime she has to go and begs me not to make her. She is 7 1/2 years old and has a very active life playing fastpitch softball. She spends alot of time with her friends and her father lives 45 minutes away so when she is there she does not get to see them. I hate making her go but I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any advice?
 


F

frusteratedgf

Guest
Tclark said:
What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

My daughter is supposed to have visitation every other weekend with her father. She cries everytime she has to go and begs me not to make her. She is 7 1/2 years old and has a very active life playing fastpitch softball. She spends alot of time with her friends and her father lives 45 minutes away so when she is there she does not get to see them. I hate making her go but I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any advice?
Have you talked to dad to maybe work something out?
 
T

Tclark

Guest
We have talked, he said a few months ago that he would not make her go if she did not want to, that lasted about 1 month now he is back to making her go now matter what she wants. His exact words were "I don't care if she wants to come or not, she is coming!"
 
F

frusteratedgf

Guest
Tclark said:
We have talked, he said a few months ago that he would not make her go if she did not want to, that lasted about 1 month now he is back to making her go now matter what she wants. His exact words were "I don't care if she wants to come or not, she is coming!"
It sounds like a lose lose situation for everybody...Your daughter has a life and doesn't want to leave it behind everyother weekend...You don't want to see your daughter upset, and the daughter doesn't want to go and see her father...that probably upsets him a lot also. Is there anyway he would move closer? I'm not a lawyer, but I don't think a judge will take away his visitation for every other weekend, considering its not that much to begin with. I understand where you are coming from though.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
Tclark said:
What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

My daughter is supposed to have visitation every other weekend with her father. She cries everytime she has to go and begs me not to make her. She is 7 1/2 years old and has a very active life playing fastpitch softball. She spends alot of time with her friends and her father lives 45 minutes away so when she is there she does not get to see them. I hate making her go but I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any advice?


My response:

While the following opinion deals with California, rest assured that the vast majority of jurisdictions see life this way - -

Implementing a visitation order necessarily turns upon the custodial parent's ability to make the child available for visitation. A custodial parent probably has sufficient control over a child of "tender years" to compel the child to visit with the other parent under the terms of the court order; and the custodial parent's failure to comply would thus be punishable by contempt.

In other words, since this is your daughter's father, and the parent/child relationship is far more important that "softball" (regardless of whether the child thinks so or not), it is your duty as the custodial parent to take your child by the hand and physically place her in daddy's car, and close the door - - even if she's screaming, yelling and stomping.

You see, what you're currently doing is "instilling" your daughter with the ability to make the final decision by screaming, yelling and stomping. When she finally figures out that nothing she says, or how much she yells, screams and stomps has no effect on her going with her father, only then will she willingly go.

That's your job to accomplish. Until you succeed in this endeavor, you could be termed, and found guilty of, "visitation interference."

In other words, it's your job to make the decision, and not your child's decision by "acting out". It may hurt in the short term, but your daughter will be far better off in the long run when she finally discovers who's the boss.

You're the boss, not your daughter.

IAAL
 
Last edited:
T

txkowgirl6

Guest
Why not compromise a little for the child's sake. couldn't Dad take her to her practices and softballs games, watch her and see what her life is like, maybe find her some friends that play around where he lives and she would enjoy her visit more. He's only 45 minutes away for crying out loud, that's how far I drive to work. I know I'd want my child to enjoy there visits and want to come back. When we live 3 hours from my stepkids we planned around their stuff so we could see them play and got them involved in the community we lived in. It's really not that hard.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
txkowgirl6 said:
Why not compromise a little for the child's sake. couldn't Dad take her to her practices and softballs games, watch her and see what her life is like, maybe find her some friends that play around where he lives and she would enjoy her visit more. He's only 45 minutes away for crying out loud, that's how far I drive to work. I know I'd want my child to enjoy there visits and want to come back. When we live 3 hours from my stepkids we planned around their stuff so we could see them play and got them involved in the community we lived in. It's really not that hard.

My response:

First, let me say right here at the beginning that I fully understand (and even perhaps agree) with what you are saying; "it's really not that hard."

However, we must remember that this is father's visitation time, and since he is the parent, and this is "his" visitation time, ultimately it is "his" decision how his time is spent with his child.

For all we know, he has other ideas in mind, or he just hates baseball, and wants to spend his time at the beach, or at the horse track with his daughter. It's his decision.

When his daughter is old enough to start making some of her own decisions, then perhaps, father may become more flexible. But until that day arrives, there is no law that says he must have "his" time dictated by his child's extracurricular activities.

It is Mom's job to deliver daughter on the appointed date and time. PERIOD.

IAAL
 
C

craftymom

Guest
I'm just wondering why in the world you have your daughter signed up for activities on her father's time in the first place?

I could see if she wanted to do extra-curriculars, and then you sat down with DAD and asked HIS opinion about how to work things out (i.e. exchanging weekends, having "make-up time"). You, however, sound as though you have allowed all of your daughter's "wants" to over-ride her "needs". I mean come on!!! She's only SEVEN!! Playing a sport, and playing with friends that she probably sees every day in school ( on the playground, on the bus, etc.) is more important than her relationship with her dad?!?!?! How selfish of you to put her in a position of having to "choose sides".
 
It is sad that everyone here views it as "thier time" because quite honestly it is the childs life.............. Yes maybe they don't have the"right to say what they want" at thier younger age but remeber they will remember when they get older and not bother with the parent when they are of age. Children should be aloud to live as much as a normal life as possible under these hard situations. If two people where toghter the child or children would be involved in extras and no one be be keeping score of time but happy there children are happy and involved in something. Too many parents never see the big picture and then they wonder why kids are resentful to them try putting the kids needs first on some issues and let them enjoy there lives. Granted the law doesn't acknowldge this thought,but maybe if they did life would be raising less stressed out kids.
 
C

craftymom

Guest
Naturalmom said:
It is sad that everyone here views it as "thier time" because quite honestly it is the childs life.............. maybe they don't have the"right to say what they want" at thier younger age but remeber they will remember when they get older and not bother with the parent when they are of age.

Too many parents never see the big picture and then they wonder why kids are resentful
I agree with your points that it is the child's life, and that too many parents never see the big picture. Because of these two statements, the children in these situations can't HAVE a "normal" life---also because of the divorce itself....

I wonder, though, which parent were you referring to that a child wouldn't bother with when they become of age? The one that INSISTS on visitation regardless of activities, or the one that DENIES a bond by scheduling them in the first place?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
This really doesn't need to be *that* difficult. It's unlikely that this child is the only one in the entire league that has divorced parents. My kids played soccer & baseball despite visitation. I spoke with the two of them before every registration and told them that they could play BUT would have to miss games on the w/e's they were with Dad because that took precedence (and Dad lives too far away to make his participation feasible). At the beginning of the season I spoke with each coach, and informed them of the situation. There was never a problem, and that included when they played on travelling teams. They accomodate - because there are A LOT of kids in the same situation.

Would it be great if Dad participated? Sure it would. But it should be his choice to do so. Not because Mom made the decision - that really is not fair to him.
 
P

paperclip

Guest
Just my 2 cents
It’s funny how I am reading opinions from both sides of the fence here, and agree with both. All of the statements posted makes senses. But, one thing you don’t understand is the parent does not set the schedules for practices or games. That is the job of the director. And they say if you miss to many practices and/or games, you can’t be on the team. Depending on their age, it is like getting fired from a job, (meaning the feeling of ) or because of your mom or dad, you are not good enough to play with us. The child feels rejected from their peers and it’s all mom or dads fault. I agree It is a no win situation.
It is as if, “you come from a broken home, so you don’t belong anymore, and have no choice.” It is so sad.
 
Last edited:

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
paperclip said:
But, one thing you don’t understand is the parent does not set the schedules for practices or games. That is the job of the director. And they say if you miss to many practices and/or games, you can’t be on the team.
In all honesty - if a 7 1/2 yo is on a team that is *that* competitive, there's a bigger problem.

This is the first year out of 5 that one or both of my kids isn't playing on an organized team - and we *never* ran into that problem. The coaches are always understanding when the kid has to miss a game due to visitation - especially when they make every other practice and game. I've yet to have one that penalized a child for something out of their control like this.

It *can* become more of an issue when the kids get older and play more competitively - but that's the not situation this Mom is in right now. By the time that problem presents itself - the situation may be completely different.
 
C

craftymom

Guest
VERY well put momma_tiger.
The only other bit I could add is that, in all the places I've lived, I've never seen a registration form that *didn't* have a place where I could state "preffered practice days". I've found that most associations will abide by the requests and 'assign' a child to a particular team/coach that will be practicing on those days, especially when you explain the situations.
 
Last edited:
The parent I refferred to was the one who would not let the child have a life or at least a childs life which would mean the parent who would not allow them to particpate in there activities. The ideal situation is first both side to put their issues aside and let the children have their lives. The ncp and cp that I do know that have made this a point even though they cannot stand each other,the ncp realizes and puts"thier times issues"away the children go happily to the ncp with no resentment and they have a much more loving relationship for that and both parents can attned functions toghterwith out the stress. Inclusion comes freely then. Give the kids a break they did not ask for this nor should they have to pay the price for it either. Plus as the cp much of "our time is spent" runnign kids to thier activites should we also get hours credit for that. Since it is interferiring with our time???????
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top