rocknrollmommy
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALIFORNIA (but want to move to Oklahoma)
Background:
My daughter's father and I live together. Our daughter is 11 months old. This last week I finally ended out dieing relationship due to a number of things, namely neglect (of me, not our daughter).
I have been unemployed and actively seeking work for over a year now. My (now ex) boyfriend only wanted me to get a job in the evenings that paid well since we could not afford childcare and the waiting list for state assistance is roughly 2 years long. I was collecting unemployment that ran out in February of this year. Every penny I got went to bills, rent, and support of our daughter. I paid for everything and my boyfriend only paid his half of the rent. After my funds ran out, he had to pay for everything while I was searching for a job and had grown tired of doing so. He would eat while he was on his way home from work and force me to "find" something to eat at our home. Normally, it was a can of vegetables or a single can of tuna. Occasionally, he would bring something home to share. I had signed our daughter up for WIC so she was always taken care of. I had previously stocked up on diapers and wipes, so that wasn't an issue either.
He worked 40+ hours a week and as soon as he came home or woke up on the weekends he would immediately go to his computer to play an online computer game. He would play this game for 60+ hours a week. I have been the sole provider for our daughter during this first year of her life- emotionally and physically, although not always financially. My (ex) boyfriend would rarely speak to me and when he did, it was to make me feel as if I never did anything right. I have begun to sink into a depression because of this. He never shows me affection. I'm basically a roommate. I spent the last bit of money I had to seek couple's therapy which worked for about a month before he reverted back to his old ways.
I'm stressed with trying to find a job, trying to "fix" our relationship and make it work, and trying to take care of our daughter- basically on my own. After a year of threats, I finally told him this week I am leaving him. I had just moved to California 2 years ago from Oklahoma so all of my family and support system is 1600 miles away. My family is coming out to visit for our daughter's birthday the beginning of August and have agreed to help me make the cross country move at that time. I am unable to stay in California and live on my own to raise our daughter. The last thing I want to do is take her away from her father, but I have no other choice.
My concerns/questions are the following:
1. I've asked what he would like to have as far as visitation (I am adamant about taking our daughter with me) and he says he doesn't know and is thinking about it. He has briefly mentioned fighting me for full custody.
2. Am I even able to move before we come to some kind of agreement? I'm financially unable to fly back and forth for court dates, etc. if we go to court in California.
3. I would like to file for custody in Oklahoma, but I've heard that I must reside there for 6 months before I can do so. Is this correct?
4. I've read that he can file an injunction or obtain an ATRO in order to prevent me from leaving the state with our daughter. How does this work? Could he file AFTER I move and force me to move back? What happens if he files and I have no place to live?
5. When it comes to visitation, how is that normally worked out when the parents live in different states and the child is so young? Do I pay for him to fly out? Does he pay for us to fly back? Is the one of us supposed to pay to put the other up in a hotel for the duration of the visitation?
I'm sorry for the complete overload but I wanted to present everything in case questions were brought up.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Background:
My daughter's father and I live together. Our daughter is 11 months old. This last week I finally ended out dieing relationship due to a number of things, namely neglect (of me, not our daughter).
I have been unemployed and actively seeking work for over a year now. My (now ex) boyfriend only wanted me to get a job in the evenings that paid well since we could not afford childcare and the waiting list for state assistance is roughly 2 years long. I was collecting unemployment that ran out in February of this year. Every penny I got went to bills, rent, and support of our daughter. I paid for everything and my boyfriend only paid his half of the rent. After my funds ran out, he had to pay for everything while I was searching for a job and had grown tired of doing so. He would eat while he was on his way home from work and force me to "find" something to eat at our home. Normally, it was a can of vegetables or a single can of tuna. Occasionally, he would bring something home to share. I had signed our daughter up for WIC so she was always taken care of. I had previously stocked up on diapers and wipes, so that wasn't an issue either.
He worked 40+ hours a week and as soon as he came home or woke up on the weekends he would immediately go to his computer to play an online computer game. He would play this game for 60+ hours a week. I have been the sole provider for our daughter during this first year of her life- emotionally and physically, although not always financially. My (ex) boyfriend would rarely speak to me and when he did, it was to make me feel as if I never did anything right. I have begun to sink into a depression because of this. He never shows me affection. I'm basically a roommate. I spent the last bit of money I had to seek couple's therapy which worked for about a month before he reverted back to his old ways.
I'm stressed with trying to find a job, trying to "fix" our relationship and make it work, and trying to take care of our daughter- basically on my own. After a year of threats, I finally told him this week I am leaving him. I had just moved to California 2 years ago from Oklahoma so all of my family and support system is 1600 miles away. My family is coming out to visit for our daughter's birthday the beginning of August and have agreed to help me make the cross country move at that time. I am unable to stay in California and live on my own to raise our daughter. The last thing I want to do is take her away from her father, but I have no other choice.
My concerns/questions are the following:
1. I've asked what he would like to have as far as visitation (I am adamant about taking our daughter with me) and he says he doesn't know and is thinking about it. He has briefly mentioned fighting me for full custody.
2. Am I even able to move before we come to some kind of agreement? I'm financially unable to fly back and forth for court dates, etc. if we go to court in California.
3. I would like to file for custody in Oklahoma, but I've heard that I must reside there for 6 months before I can do so. Is this correct?
4. I've read that he can file an injunction or obtain an ATRO in order to prevent me from leaving the state with our daughter. How does this work? Could he file AFTER I move and force me to move back? What happens if he files and I have no place to live?
5. When it comes to visitation, how is that normally worked out when the parents live in different states and the child is so young? Do I pay for him to fly out? Does he pay for us to fly back? Is the one of us supposed to pay to put the other up in a hotel for the duration of the visitation?
I'm sorry for the complete overload but I wanted to present everything in case questions were brought up.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
