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unwed mom-to-be

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kmf05

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Ohio
I recently found out I am pregnant. The father is in the military and currently is residing in North Carolina. My wish is to raise the child alone. I am financially able to do this. I do not want anything from the father. He says he has rights and he wants to exercise his rights as the father. I ask him if he would agree to terminate his parental rights, but so far he has refused to agree to do such a thing. He says he will be a part of the child's life. Being unwed, what rights to the child does he have?
 


Rushia

Senior Member
kmf05 said:
What is the name of your state? Ohio
I recently found out I am pregnant. The father is in the military and currently is residing in North Carolina. My wish is to raise the child alone. I am financially able to do this. I do not want anything from the father. He says he has rights and he wants to exercise his rights as the father. I ask him if he would agree to terminate his parental rights, but so far he has refused to agree to do such a thing. He says he will be a part of the child's life. Being unwed, what rights to the child does he have?
As soon as he establishes paternity he can file for visitation, you can file for support....etc etc and the next 18 years of dealing with each other.
 

Happy Trails

Senior Member
I don't understand why you wouldn't want him to be a part of his child's life.

Edit: Rushia already answered your question. So he does have rights, but I just wanted to add that you can't force him to terminate his parental rights.
 
Last edited:

Wolflmg

Member
It seems to me he's a pretty good guy. Most guys in situations like this, wouldn't want anything to do with you or the kid, and paying support. It seems that he want to be in the childs life and take responsibility for his actions. Your actually pretty lucky if you think about it.

Why would you put down a guy, that wants to owe up to his actions and take responsibility for them? Not saying you have to marry the guy or anything, but this is his baby too. And every kid deserve to know who their parents are, even if their parents aren't married or together.
 

kmf05

Junior Member
Yeah, he is a great guy. He not only wants to take responsibility for his child, but he continually tells me he wants to be with me and my 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. One-of-a-kind ... I know. The thing is, he lives hundreds of miles away from me. He is in the military, which I worry about. I know I cannot FORCE him to terminate his parental rights, I just asked him if he would consider it. My preference is to just raise the baby on my own. I am not sure as to what rights he would have to the child after he/she is born ... if any.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
kmf05 said:
Yeah, he is a great guy. He not only wants to take responsibility for his child, but he continually tells me he wants to be with me and my 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. One-of-a-kind ... I know. The thing is, he lives hundreds of miles away from me. He is in the military, which I worry about. I know I cannot FORCE him to terminate his parental rights, I just asked him if he would consider it. My preference is to just raise the baby on my own. I am not sure as to what rights he would have to the child after he/she is born ... if any.
Well, sweetie - you were happy enough to include him in your life to get pregnant by him. Now you can be happy enough to have him a part of his child's life. Is your daughter's father involved in her life? Or did you cut him out, too?
 

kmf05

Junior Member
My daughter's father CHOSE to not be a part of her life. And she and I have done just fine without him ... as I will do just fine with this baby once it is born. What can he do? We're not married. What right does he have?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
kmf05 said:
Yeah, he is a great guy. He not only wants to take responsibility for his child, but he continually tells me he wants to be with me and my 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. One-of-a-kind ... I know. The thing is, he lives hundreds of miles away from me. He is in the military, which I worry about. I know I cannot FORCE him to terminate his parental rights, I just asked him if he would consider it. My preference is to just raise the baby on my own. I am not sure as to what rights he would have to the child after he/she is born ... if any.
Ok...this is how it works.

I assume that since you don't want him involved, you won't be allowing him to sign the affidavit of paternity at the hospital. (which actually is better...paternity should really be established by DNA).

Therefore, when the child is first born he won't have any rights at all....because he won't be the legal father of the child.

It will be up to him to file to establish paternity. Once he does that (which will take a few months to accomplish once he files), then he will have the option to file for visitation and some form of custody. You will also have the option to file for child support...plus the child would be entitled to some military benefits as well.

Since dad is in the military...and lives a long way away, the most he can hope for is joint legal custody (joint decision making) and the right to visit the child in your community.

Once he has established a bond with the child, and the child is a little older, then he will have the option to get visitation in his own community, for more extended lengths of time. How fast that will happen depends a great deal on his military career, and his available time to visit...whether or not he gets deployed...etc.

Your child really will have the right to have a relationship with his/her father. You should not deny that to your child since dad apparently is a good guy....or rather, PARTICULARLY since dad appears to be a good guy.

Since you also have another child to consider....its probably best for you to not allow yourself to be talked into moving to dad's community. If you were to do that, and the baby was born there (or lived there long enough to establish residency after birth), then it would be difficult, or maybe even impossible for you to get court permission to relocate the child back to Ohio.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Once the child is born, he can file to establish paternity. Once he's established paternity, he has the right to file for the same things you have - time with the child. Like it or not, you didn't create the baby in a vacuum. There is another parent who has every right to parent his child - you don't get to cut him out of the child's life. Get used to it. And if you don't want another parent involved, next time use a sperm bank or adopt, instead of playing with other people's lives.
 

AHA

Senior Member
Jesus christ, let the guy be a father to his child!!!!! How do you know he won't move closer to where you are when the kid is born? What's to say he will be a ****ty dad just because he doesn't live next door?? What says this baby HAS to be raised by only 1 parent just because your other kid was?? TWO people make a baby and don't be a selfish pig by cutting out the other parent, especially since he WANTS to be a part of his child's life. This is f-ing ridiculous, if you are going to cut him out of the kid's life and steal a father from your own baby (try explaining that when the kid starts asking for it's dad, because you KNOW he/she WILL), then at least do it for valid reasons. Did he beat you, rape you, was verbally abusive, violent against your other kid? If not, back off and let the guy parent the child that he obviously WANTS. Being a mother of two is not a time to be selfish, it should be about your kids and not YOU.
 

Wolflmg

Member
kmf05 said:
Yeah, he is a great guy. He not only wants to take responsibility for his child, but he continually tells me he wants to be with me and my 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. One-of-a-kind ... I know. The thing is, he lives hundreds of miles away from me. He is in the military, which I worry about. I know I cannot FORCE him to terminate his parental rights, I just asked him if he would consider it. My preference is to just raise the baby on my own. I am not sure as to what rights he would have to the child after he/she is born ... if any.

Have you asked him if he'll move closer to you? Who knows maybe he'll surprise you. He wants to be a father to your 8 year old daughter, who has no father, and this guy want to be that guy. There aren't many guys out there like that.

As for the miitary, yeah I can understand that can be scary, but things happen no matter where you are or what kind of job you have. Don't let that be what stops you from letting this unborn child be able to know it's father.

I know your probably scared, because the last guy didn't want to be part of your daughter life or have anything to do with her. But not every guy is like that, like this guy he wants to be the father of his child, and he even wants to try to be a father to the daughter you have now that's not even his.

You don't have to marry the guy, although I can't why you wouldn't. It's not every day a guy comes along to take responisbility for his not only his own actions, but for someone elses, to be a father to someone that doesn't have one. I think you owe it to your unborn son/daughter for them to know their father.
 

kmf05

Junior Member
I know there are not many guys out there like him. We did talk about having him move closer, but only if he and I were together. He said it is not hard to be relocated to be close to his family. He is already divorced and has twin sons that live relatively close to him. Every time we talk, he says he wants to be with me and my daughter and the baby. And I do feel bad, but its like you said ... I am scared. I still feel the hurt left by my daughter's father and to be honest ... this guy seems TOO GOOD to be true. It's hard for me to believe him. I am not trying to be a "pig" or be selfish and think only about myself. I feel like wanting to raise this child on my own is what is best. I would never try to prevent him from calling, writing, or visiting. He can develop a relationship with the child after it is born. I know it takes two. I have done just fine on my own raising my daughter and I want to do the same thing with this child. Also, if I ever do get married, I want my husband to have the option of giving his last name to both of my children. Really, there are a lot of reasons I want to do this on my own. But obviously, he wants to be a part of this child's life. So, I guess I'll just have to accept that.
 

casa

Senior Member
kmf05 said:
I know there are not many guys out there like him. We did talk about having him move closer, but only if he and I were together. He said it is not hard to be relocated to be close to his family. He is already divorced and has twin sons that live relatively close to him. Every time we talk, he says he wants to be with me and my daughter and the baby. And I do feel bad, but its like you said ... I am scared. I still feel the hurt left by my daughter's father and to be honest ... this guy seems TOO GOOD to be true. It's hard for me to believe him. I am not trying to be a "pig" or be selfish and think only about myself. I feel like wanting to raise this child on my own is what is best. I would never try to prevent him from calling, writing, or visiting. He can develop a relationship with the child after it is born. I know it takes two. I have done just fine on my own raising my daughter and I want to do the same thing with this child. Also, if I ever do get married, I want my husband to have the option of giving his last name to both of my children. Really, there are a lot of reasons I want to do this on my own. But obviously, he wants to be a part of this child's life. So, I guess I'll just have to accept that.
Please do accept it. For a period of time my oldest childs father was out of her life (he is military) and there came a time he realized what he was missing...they have an important relationship today- even if/when he is out of state or even the country. I am proud he decided to do the Right thing~ she benefits. In the end parenting is about what is best for the CHILD...and if you allow and encourage a relationship, then you will be giving your child the best. :)
 

Wolflmg

Member
kmf05 said:
I know there are not many guys out there like him. We did talk about having him move closer, but only if he and I were together. He said it is not hard to be relocated to be close to his family. He is already divorced and has twin sons that live relatively close to him. Every time we talk, he says he wants to be with me and my daughter and the baby. And I do feel bad, but its like you said ... I am scared. I still feel the hurt left by my daughter's father and to be honest ... this guy seems TOO GOOD to be true. It's hard for me to believe him. I am not trying to be a "pig" or be selfish and think only about myself. I feel like wanting to raise this child on my own is what is best. I would never try to prevent him from calling, writing, or visiting. He can develop a relationship with the child after it is born. I know it takes two. I have done just fine on my own raising my daughter and I want to do the same thing with this child. Also, if I ever do get married, I want my husband to have the option of giving his last name to both of my children. Really, there are a lot of reasons I want to do this on my own. But obviously, he wants to be a part of this child's life. So, I guess I'll just have to accept that.

Actually he would have the option of giving his last name to your daughter, if you ever do marry. Since he father choices not to be part of her life and has nothing to do with her, chances are you should have a good chance at all of you having the same last name.

Don't be afraid. Don't let the fear of the past control you and stop you from doing something that could end up being great for you. You can't let fear rule your life, believe me although my situation is a whole lot different. I do know something about fear of the past, and ever since I was little I let that fear control me and stop me.

Sometimes guys that are too good to be true come along, there one in a million, but they are out there. Sometime you have to take risks, take chances, and yes sometimes you do get hurt, but sometimes you don't, but you'll never know, unless you take the chance to find out.
 

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