Upholding a custody agreement

[testedmonkey]

What is the name of your state? CA, child is in MN

My fiance has an 8yr old son in MN. I've been with this man since right after he returned to CA from MN and he has always kept in contact with his son. He calls several times a month, sends presents at the appropriate times, and has been back to see his son on two occassions since the divorce 4 years ago. I make the child support payments (with his money) without fail twice a month.

Here's the problem... they have a custody agreement that the son will be with his dad during holidays and summertime. My fiance didn't push for those visits early on, since the son was very young and he was trying to be sensitive to the ex's feelings about having her son so many miles away. At one point she tried to sue for full custody, but they settled out of court and agreed that my fiance would fly out there and spend time with the son, then she would fly the son out to CA for a visit, then he could fly by himself or my fiance could come get him. My fiance held up his part of the bargain, but the ex won't respond to any request to bring the son out. We're getting married next month and really want him to be in the wedding. My fiance emailed his ex three times so far asking about travel dates, offering to come get the son if she can't get time off of work, with no response.

What are our options?

 

[WyattJ]

What is the name of your state? CA, child is in MN What are our options?

Well since it is court order....then its contempt of court.

 

[testedmonkey]

I'm worried about that fact that he hasn't exercised his visitation rights prior to this. Someone told me that it is a "use them or lose them" situation. He's gone to see his son, and he's kept in close contact, but he's never pushed the issue before. He HAS requested 3 years in a row to have him during the summer, but all three times the ex has waffled. He never followed through on making her send their son out, just gave up. Until now, that is.

 

[snodderly]

but they settled out of court and agreed that my fiance would fly out there and spend time with the son, then she would fly the son out to CA for a visit, then he could fly by himself or my fiance could come get him. My fiance held up his part of the bargain, but the ex won't respond to any request to bring the son out. We're getting married next month and really want him to be in the wedding. My fiance emailed his ex three times so far asking about travel dates, offering to come get the son if she can't get time off of work, with no response.

When you say they settled out of court what do you mean? Did they come to this agreement and then the judge signed off on it? If so, then it is court ordered and she can be held in contempt.

If, on the other hand, this is a simple verbal agreement with no judges signature then there isn't much you can do except learn a lesson from it. I learned one just like it one time!!

I hope she will respond and at least let the child come for the wedding. It would be best though to go to court get visitation court ordered so that he will have a legal recourse in matters like this.
snodderly

 

[WyattJ]

I know when I got married, it happened to be ex's weekend with our son (I know I should of done it on my weekend). I asked several times if I could have him just that one day and we can do a make-up visit. He refused.

I took an advice from a lawyer. She told me to write the father a letter letting him know of the occassion and give him dates/times for the wedding, and dates/times for the make-up visit. Since our joint agreement at the time had a stipulation in it:

"Either parent who wishes to subsequently modify this Agreement shall submit the proposed modification to the other parent in writing; and both parents shall conduct good faith attempts to resolving any dispute."

It is good to have that so were not wasting the courts time. But you really need step up to the plate, don't worry about mom, and have your visits.

 

[testedmonkey]

They have joint custody according to the original divorce/custody agreement, and it states that he gets the son during holidays and summer time. When she tried suing for full custody, it never went to court, and I don't know if the new part about him flying to MN, then her flying to CA with the son was added to that original agreement. I don't remember him signing anything.

 

[testedmonkey]

"Either parent who wishes to subsequently modify this Agreement shall submit the proposed modification to the other parent in writing; and both parents shall conduct good faith attempts to resolving any dispute."

It is good to have that so were not wasting the courts time. But you really need step up to the plate, don't worry about mom, and have your visits."



We're not asking for a modification, we're trying to get her to uphold the original agreement. She's refusing to send the child out for my fiance's rightful visitations.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Your only choice is to file contempt against her for what she is suppose to do in the original order if the agreement was not signed by the judge. If the child has never spent a large block of time with dad the court may see that as a problem but also the child is eight so the Court may find that to be old enough to start being away from mom for a length of time as long as the child is familar with dad the Court should hold up the original agreement. If dad never saw or spoke to the child and four years later went to enforce this action it would be a definate problem. Have dad explain to the Court his reasoning and get any new changes in writing and signed by the judge. good luck