venting

[sameolstuf]

What is the name of your state? Maryland

I am just venting! I went to social services and filled out a form 980A. On the form I checked the box stating I wanted to find the absent parent, and establish paternity. I am the father. I have not heard from the mother since June. I told social services that I later wanted to file for Custody/visatation and child support. The women was shocked I came in to file, she said fathers never come in to establish paternity, they come in to prove to deny paternity.

Anyway, I waited to see a counselor, but I had to leave to get to work, and told them I would return the next day. I came back, saw a counselor, and she said I couldn't file the form until the child had a social security number! How am I supposed to get that if I have not established paternity yet ???

Social services is very frustrating!

The counselor did do something very stupid, she wrote my ex girlfriends social security number, mothers social security number and their medical insurance number on my form in red ink, and handed it back to me. She also told me that it could take months just to establish paternity. She said that my ex could avoid DNA for at least 3 months.

I am so ready to quit.

 

[stealth2]

What other avenues have you used to find Mom/child?

 

[sameolstuf]

I tried contacting her mother, she will not answer me. I called my ex's new boyfriends house, she will not answer the phone. I called from a pay phone and she did answer, so as far as this past Thursday was concerned, I know where she is. She has at least 5 possible addresses thus far. Her boyfriends, her mother, either of her grandmothers, or her aunt in west virginia.

I'm sure when I finally get an order, she will not answer the door to accept a summons to court. She will ignore it. This is very frustrating. Social services told me I may never see this child.

 

[stealth2]

Since you know where she lives, I'd bypass SS and simply file in the family court to establish paternity, custody, visitation, support. Ideally, you'd have a lawyer do this for you, but if that's impossible, try to at least have consultations (many lawyers will offer a free consult) to gather as much info as possible - especially how to deal with her avoiding service.

 

[sameolstuf]

I have a lawyer, and he said it won't be any faster for him to file. He said both services have to go through the states attorney's office. First of all she doesn't have to appear until her 6 weeks of maternity leave. I'm not sure if I can hire someone privately to serve her, I would be willing to do that.

I did have a hair brain idea, and tell me if this is hair brain, I am getting desperate! She has lied to me for 2 yrs. She strung me along all during the pregancy, she even came over and cried all over me, telling me she didn't love they guy she was living with. I was attending her doctors appointments with her, and everything was going great, until the bf found out! She had been lying to him and seeing me and calling me behind his back.

She is a pathelogical liar, I have an expert witness going to court with me who specializes in ADD, bipolar, ADHD, and autistic persons, this doctor knows my ex girlfriend, as we used to hang over her house with her son.... anyway, I was thinking of calling her and telling her that I 'may' consider giving up my parental rights, or agreeing to her bf adopting the child, but I can't give up something that isn't mine, so we need to establish paternity. Then SLAM her!!!! I know its unethical.... but she is not playing fair.... That of course would be my last resort, I would wait until they have attempted to serve her several times.

All this is creating so much anomosity. Even the lawyer told me I should just let it go, he said she is going to be so much trouble to deal with. It will be a constant fight for years and years. In fact the women at social services told me not to file for child support, she said, "let her file the papers"!!

How can someone walk away from their child. How can let money get in the way of a childs well being? I'm sick.

 

[Rushia]

I have a lawyer, and he said it won't be any faster for him to file. He said both services have to go through the states attorney's office. First of all she doesn't have to appear until her 6 weeks of maternity leave. I'm not sure if I can hire someone privately to serve her, I would be willing to do that.

I did have a hair brain idea, and tell me if this is hair brain, I am getting desperate! She has lied to me for 2 yrs. She strung me along all during the pregancy, she even came over and cried all over me, telling me she didn't love they guy she was living with. I was attending her doctors appointments with her, and everything was going great, until the bf found out! She had been lying to him and seeing me and calling me behind his back.

She is a pathelogical liar, I have an expert witness going to court with me who specializes in ADD, bipolar, ADHD, and autistic persons, this doctor knows my ex girlfriend, as we used to hang over her house with her son.... anyway, I was thinking of calling her and telling her that I 'may' consider giving up my parental rights, or agreeing to her bf adopting the child, but I can't give up something that isn't mine, so we need to establish paternity. Then SLAM her!!!! I know its unethical.... but she is not playing fair.... That of course would be my last resort, I would wait until they have attempted to serve her several times.

All this is creating so much anomosity. Even the lawyer told me I should just let it go, he said she is going to be so much trouble to deal with. It will be a constant fight for years and years. In fact the women at social services told me not to file for child support, she said, "let her file the papers"!!

How can someone walk away from their child. How can let money get in the way of a childs well being? I'm sick.

Wow!! I have no real legal advice, however DON'T GIVE UP!! Good for you!!