careneeded
Junior Member
What is the name of your state?
California.
Last spring my family broke down. My partner essentially suffered a mental breakdown and initially agreed to leave the home until he got better, but family and lawyers advised him he might lose the house his parents bought us, that was in his name.
Basically my domestic partner and daughter were fighting like crazy and he lost it. He was physically abusive, grabbing, shoving and spitting. She was resentful and difficult, my ex-husband, her father, always resentful and wanting custody stirred the pot.
However as family life worsened I heeded my daughter's pleas and sent her to her father (by verbal agreement) two months before summer vacation.
I never ignored their relationship difficulties and my partner attended parenting class, men's father's group, family counseling, was a soccer coach for her etc, etc... but there was a new baby, jealousy, competition you get the story. I was being pulled to pieces. She had been an only child for nearlly 4 years and loved it. She wanted to go live with her dad.
Her dad, unemployed alcoholic living in a travel trailer in family's yard. He was an alcoholic when I met him, troubled. Physically and verbally abusive when drunk. An unplanned pregnancy, marriage after birth w/ promise not to drink. Sober two years, relative calm. When our daughter was two he was drinking again. 6-24 beers a day. Physically, verbally, abusive, head games, isolating me, no stable homelife. I attended Alanon, sought therapy, pastoral guidance and left him when baby was 3. He always angry and abusive, threatening to take custody. I maintain stable homelife, daughter healthy, educationally successful, extraordinary really. Always I support her relationship with her father, but he and I fight like mad over phone, I'm struggling financially and need help, he accusing me of being terrible person, whore etc. etc...
Now... after daughter goes to dad early, I seek family help, not there and go into shelter for women. I refuse to charge partner with abuse and get protective orders and the like remembering my ex-husband's anger at leaving him and recognizing that I don't want to fight but help and make peaceful future for my kids and me. My ex-partner has corporate family advising him the best defence is offence and he retains an excellent lawyer, he files for custody in Vermont. I hide and refuse to fight, have no money, and stay in shelter unfound, suffering from acute hepatitus, caring for the very active toddler boy, wondering how the hell my partner/lover/friend could become my worse enemy, shock. Meanwhile custody proceeding are going on and I lose custody exparte within 3 months ex-parte of my toddler son. The only physical evidance being a affidavit of paternity and statements, no physical evidance. I approach partners family again, they turn their back on me (and him I later learn) and I began mediating with him over phone 8 weeks after going into shelter. I ask for fairness and balance, mediation with equal representation, he verbally agrees, contacts the VT court and custody exparte to him is suspended, but he refuses to put into writing my condition, that if mediation failed he would pay for my attorney's fees. He had threatened to take custody and I am afraid.
So meanwhile I leave shelter and visit my daughter without notice and find a big mess. Ex-husbands alcoholism is much worse, he's barely functional, my daughter is caretaking him, he is supported by occasional odd jobs with family but drinking is out of control. I sent her to a bad situation. Daughter showing physcial signs of neglect, very protective of sick father. Also, father is brainwashing her that she and I are why partner broke down, identifying me as the common causative agent and he and partner as "Vicitm's". He refuses my second request that she get pschological counseling and becomes very aggressive and abusive verbally with me. I take her with me into shelter against her will and notify her father's family and him within one hour with explaination and assurance that relationship between father and daughter continuity is essential, but drinking must be gotton under control.
Fast forward one and one-half months, I decide to start over, choose to relocate closer to older daughters father's family in CA. Idea being to keep closer tabs on daughter during visits with dad, instead of three months unsupervised, shorter more frequent visits nearby. I interview and am accepted for program that offers transitional housing, therapy for mothers and children and time to get back on my feet. Program is located between extended family of both children's fathers, in CA. I'm trying so hard. Meanwhile back in VT expartner still agressing legally, and now angry ex-husband and he set a trap. I "foolishly" bring daughter to father's mother for visit and birthday while awaiting entry into transisitional program... (4 days) we meet and discuss the problems of daughter with her dad in MT and his drinking. Grandmother and son are drinking buddies but I think at least at grandmas house she get can adequate nutrition and access to bathing facilities. That was 5 months ago, I haven't been allowed to see her since then. Grandmother called friend judge and judge advised her to hide daughter and get to local court immediately. She told this to the police when they came with me to enforce custody order, (I had physical custody). She was very drunk and beligerant, the cops not pleased. Later she threatened my life and warned me that I was "finished" regarding my ex-partner in VT. She told me my daughter was a loser, hated my guts and never wanted to see me again. (context: she had been trying to take custody for four years). Next day I went to DA and filed a report, DA had communicated with grandmother and told me they were told ex-husband and daughter on way to VT, state of jurisdiction. DA say's I should go to VT, (means facing ex-partnter) I agree start east and next day find out Grandmother has hired attorney for son and taken emergency custody in SD, CA, son down from montana, moves in with mom and becomes resident of CA that day. I appear telephonically at first hearing Judge states jurisdicition questions need to be adressed and legal support for me... None of this ever is, 3 hearings and 5 months later, representing myself, with no motions files, legal support, on a case based on lies and manipulation of events, I have very limited contact with daughter. Her father's family have cast me as a bipolar, crazy, whore, loon, unhappy, person since I left the marriage. My daughter is pleased to punish me for the unhappy events and my (perceived) disloyality to her.
I love her allot and have done a great job raising her up as evidanced, I did my best to protect my family and self in difficult situations, but I'm stranded. I feel the judge is prejudiced, the grandmother is rich, the house beautiful and though I never have been a money grubber, in her demented upperclass alcoholic mindset, the world "revolves around money and those that have it".
So my daughter is hearing terrible things about the one person in her life that tells the truth and has integrity. This leads to my greatest fear. I do not want my precious daughter corrupted by these disturbing reganite elites, drinking and alcoholic rants against homo's, dyke, fags, wetbacks, jews, etc...
I'm terribly concerned about my daughter. Yes, maybe, "upperclass" and CPS has visited and reported a fine home and stable, scheduled life. But each day at 5'clock is cocktail hour and hard core drinking, fun and mad rants begin. Entitled, aggressive, this family I was once a part of create their own reality and lack the humanity and compassion to raise a dog. They are notorious for being "disturbed". My daughter wants to save her dad, she loves him very much... what to do. Court again... in 3 days. I have no idea what to do. The vermont case is over... peace and patience and mediation successful!
California.
Last spring my family broke down. My partner essentially suffered a mental breakdown and initially agreed to leave the home until he got better, but family and lawyers advised him he might lose the house his parents bought us, that was in his name.
Basically my domestic partner and daughter were fighting like crazy and he lost it. He was physically abusive, grabbing, shoving and spitting. She was resentful and difficult, my ex-husband, her father, always resentful and wanting custody stirred the pot.
However as family life worsened I heeded my daughter's pleas and sent her to her father (by verbal agreement) two months before summer vacation.
I never ignored their relationship difficulties and my partner attended parenting class, men's father's group, family counseling, was a soccer coach for her etc, etc... but there was a new baby, jealousy, competition you get the story. I was being pulled to pieces. She had been an only child for nearlly 4 years and loved it. She wanted to go live with her dad.
Her dad, unemployed alcoholic living in a travel trailer in family's yard. He was an alcoholic when I met him, troubled. Physically and verbally abusive when drunk. An unplanned pregnancy, marriage after birth w/ promise not to drink. Sober two years, relative calm. When our daughter was two he was drinking again. 6-24 beers a day. Physically, verbally, abusive, head games, isolating me, no stable homelife. I attended Alanon, sought therapy, pastoral guidance and left him when baby was 3. He always angry and abusive, threatening to take custody. I maintain stable homelife, daughter healthy, educationally successful, extraordinary really. Always I support her relationship with her father, but he and I fight like mad over phone, I'm struggling financially and need help, he accusing me of being terrible person, whore etc. etc...
Now... after daughter goes to dad early, I seek family help, not there and go into shelter for women. I refuse to charge partner with abuse and get protective orders and the like remembering my ex-husband's anger at leaving him and recognizing that I don't want to fight but help and make peaceful future for my kids and me. My ex-partner has corporate family advising him the best defence is offence and he retains an excellent lawyer, he files for custody in Vermont. I hide and refuse to fight, have no money, and stay in shelter unfound, suffering from acute hepatitus, caring for the very active toddler boy, wondering how the hell my partner/lover/friend could become my worse enemy, shock. Meanwhile custody proceeding are going on and I lose custody exparte within 3 months ex-parte of my toddler son. The only physical evidance being a affidavit of paternity and statements, no physical evidance. I approach partners family again, they turn their back on me (and him I later learn) and I began mediating with him over phone 8 weeks after going into shelter. I ask for fairness and balance, mediation with equal representation, he verbally agrees, contacts the VT court and custody exparte to him is suspended, but he refuses to put into writing my condition, that if mediation failed he would pay for my attorney's fees. He had threatened to take custody and I am afraid.
So meanwhile I leave shelter and visit my daughter without notice and find a big mess. Ex-husbands alcoholism is much worse, he's barely functional, my daughter is caretaking him, he is supported by occasional odd jobs with family but drinking is out of control. I sent her to a bad situation. Daughter showing physcial signs of neglect, very protective of sick father. Also, father is brainwashing her that she and I are why partner broke down, identifying me as the common causative agent and he and partner as "Vicitm's". He refuses my second request that she get pschological counseling and becomes very aggressive and abusive verbally with me. I take her with me into shelter against her will and notify her father's family and him within one hour with explaination and assurance that relationship between father and daughter continuity is essential, but drinking must be gotton under control.
Fast forward one and one-half months, I decide to start over, choose to relocate closer to older daughters father's family in CA. Idea being to keep closer tabs on daughter during visits with dad, instead of three months unsupervised, shorter more frequent visits nearby. I interview and am accepted for program that offers transitional housing, therapy for mothers and children and time to get back on my feet. Program is located between extended family of both children's fathers, in CA. I'm trying so hard. Meanwhile back in VT expartner still agressing legally, and now angry ex-husband and he set a trap. I "foolishly" bring daughter to father's mother for visit and birthday while awaiting entry into transisitional program... (4 days) we meet and discuss the problems of daughter with her dad in MT and his drinking. Grandmother and son are drinking buddies but I think at least at grandmas house she get can adequate nutrition and access to bathing facilities. That was 5 months ago, I haven't been allowed to see her since then. Grandmother called friend judge and judge advised her to hide daughter and get to local court immediately. She told this to the police when they came with me to enforce custody order, (I had physical custody). She was very drunk and beligerant, the cops not pleased. Later she threatened my life and warned me that I was "finished" regarding my ex-partner in VT. She told me my daughter was a loser, hated my guts and never wanted to see me again. (context: she had been trying to take custody for four years). Next day I went to DA and filed a report, DA had communicated with grandmother and told me they were told ex-husband and daughter on way to VT, state of jurisdiction. DA say's I should go to VT, (means facing ex-partnter) I agree start east and next day find out Grandmother has hired attorney for son and taken emergency custody in SD, CA, son down from montana, moves in with mom and becomes resident of CA that day. I appear telephonically at first hearing Judge states jurisdicition questions need to be adressed and legal support for me... None of this ever is, 3 hearings and 5 months later, representing myself, with no motions files, legal support, on a case based on lies and manipulation of events, I have very limited contact with daughter. Her father's family have cast me as a bipolar, crazy, whore, loon, unhappy, person since I left the marriage. My daughter is pleased to punish me for the unhappy events and my (perceived) disloyality to her.
I love her allot and have done a great job raising her up as evidanced, I did my best to protect my family and self in difficult situations, but I'm stranded. I feel the judge is prejudiced, the grandmother is rich, the house beautiful and though I never have been a money grubber, in her demented upperclass alcoholic mindset, the world "revolves around money and those that have it".
So my daughter is hearing terrible things about the one person in her life that tells the truth and has integrity. This leads to my greatest fear. I do not want my precious daughter corrupted by these disturbing reganite elites, drinking and alcoholic rants against homo's, dyke, fags, wetbacks, jews, etc...
I'm terribly concerned about my daughter. Yes, maybe, "upperclass" and CPS has visited and reported a fine home and stable, scheduled life. But each day at 5'clock is cocktail hour and hard core drinking, fun and mad rants begin. Entitled, aggressive, this family I was once a part of create their own reality and lack the humanity and compassion to raise a dog. They are notorious for being "disturbed". My daughter wants to save her dad, she loves him very much... what to do. Court again... in 3 days. I have no idea what to do. The vermont case is over... peace and patience and mediation successful!
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