Very long(sorry)but very nervous

[scaredmom79]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER!!! Ok I'm sorry for the length first of all. The relevant stuff regarding the children started in December of 08 so thats where I'll start. My husband moved out of the house and went to Scotland(where he is from) in December. He and I were having alot of issues and he was not working. He said he would get a job there, send money to help support the girls(2) and then come back to florida(where we were living at the time) and get his own place. Never sent one penny. In May he moved back to Mass, where we're from originally and moved in with another woman. He had an affair with her previously, so knew her from then. he still never sent any money. In Sept I moved back to Mass myself...I'm laid off now, my sister and her husband offered to help me out. When I got here, my husband said he wanted to start seeing the girls. I agreed as I think they should have him in their lives, he is not a bad father, just a selfish one. SO....he started telling me how his current girlfriend would only allow him to see the girls at her house and he was not allowed to spend time out because she was afraid he would cheat on her. Often when the girls would call to talk to him his phone was out of service. He told me when she would get jealous or mad at him she would shut his phone line off and not let him use the car to see them. He swore to me the girls were seeing none of this when they were visiting. One Saturday morning he was supposed to get them at nine. He couldn't do it as she felt he had text messaged me too much and kicked him out. He had bite marks on his chest and bruises on his arm and head. He said he tried to push past her to get out and she attacked him. He lived with ANOTHER woman for two weeks and has now gone back to the girlfriend. I have told him that I will not let the girls go the house unless his girlfriend is not there or he can see the girls somewhere else. He is now saying she only acted that way physically because of bad meds, however the mental abuse was going on from day 1. He is saying he will take me to court and that what happens between him and her has no effect on the children! He also told me this morning that he will not see them at all unless I agree to let them go to her house as that would be like admitting that I'm right. WHAT?!! Isn't that ridiculous? My question is can I legally say NO they cannot go where she is? I will not stop him from seeing them, but can I stop her? I'm going to see a free lawyer tomorrow but I'm hoping someone can help alleviate my worries?

update! Please any advice? I contacted legal aid last week and the lawyer I spoke with said I have every right to tell my husband I do not want his girlsfriend around my girls. She also said to wait for him to file court actions so it would cost him and then they could PROBABLY help represent me. SO on friday my husband called and talked to the girls on the phone. I do not speak with him as it always results in an argument. He then called back and left me a voicemail I couldn't understand(thick scottish accent). I texted him asking to email or text me anything. He called back and i answered. He said he wanted to take the girls next saturday from 10am to 8pm. I asked that his girlfriend would not be present he said no she wouldn't. Then he started yelling at me, bringing up mud from the past. I calmly told him I wouldn't do this and hung up. Then I emailed him asking him for an email in return confirming times and the fact that gf would not be present. He reacted by saying he would not email anything and oh i would have to pick the girls up because he would only have her car in the morning but she would need it for work in the afternoon. I of course know that meant he was lying to me and she would have to be there at some point during the day in order for the car switch to take place. SO I emailed back saying written confirmation of the times and fact that she wouldn't be there or no visit. I'm covering my rear. he freaks out sends an email saying I'm trying to control his life and I'm a sad person who will screw up the kids...all kinds of nasty stuff. I did not answer. so now last night he emails me saying he wants the girls from 4pm to 8pm saturday and I will have to bring them and pick them up as this is the only way to avoid his gf and that if I'm soooo concerned for my girls' mental health the he is sure i won't have a problem with it. so nasty. he lives 45 minutes away. I put a call into the lawyer today but have not yet heard back from her. I DO want my girls to see him. they love him and ask about him all the time. He is being so nasty though and I'm worried that if I bring them to him this time it will set a precedent. I'm pretty sure I can say I want him to meet half way, but is that the best thing for them? should I just suck it up and bring them?? Please any advice would be great. Thanks!!

 

[sometwo]

Aren't you the one who deleted all her posts before?

ETA: nevermind another state. Looked in my recycle bin at the thread I saved for OG.

 

[scaredmom79]

no - I just found this site this morning when I was looking for free legal advice.

 

[sometwo]

Are there currently any custody orders in place?

 

[scaredmom79]

no we have never been to court for anything. I filed child support back in May and we will be going to court for that in a few weeks, however we aren't even legally seperated. He left us though. Isn't that desertion?

 

[Isis1]

no we have never been to court for anything. I filed child support back in May and we will be going to court for that in a few weeks, however we aren't even legally seperated. He left us though. Isn't that desertion?

not in the legal sense.

you need to file for divorce and request a no paramour order.

dad needs to find his testicles. very quickly.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER!!! Ok I'm sorry for the length first of all. The relevant stuff regarding the children started in December of 08 so thats where I'll start. My husband moved out of the house and went to Scotland(where he is from) in December. He and I were having alot of issues and he was not working. He said he would get a job there, send money to help support the girls(2) and then come back to florida(where we were living at the time) and get his own place. Never sent one penny. In May he moved back to Mass, where we're from originally and moved in with another woman. He had an affair with her previously, so knew her from then. he still never sent any money. In Sept I moved back to Mass myself...I'm laid off now, my sister and her husband offered to help me out. When I got here, my husband said he wanted to start seeing the girls. I agreed as I think they should have him in their lives, he is not a bad father, just a selfish one. SO....he started telling me how his current girlfriend would only allow him to see the girls at her house and he was not allowed to spend time out because she was afraid he would cheat on her. Often when the girls would call to talk to him his phone was out of service. He told me when she would get jealous or mad at him she would shut his phone line off and not let him use the car to see them. He swore to me the girls were seeing none of this when they were visiting. One Saturday morning he was supposed to get them at nine. He couldn't do it as she felt he had text messaged me too much and kicked him out. He had bite marks on his chest and bruises on his arm and head. He said he tried to push past her to get out and she attacked him. He lived with ANOTHER woman for two weeks and has now gone back to the girlfriend. I have told him that I will not let the girls go the house unless his girlfriend is not there or he can see the girls somewhere else. He is now saying she only acted that way physically because of bad meds, however the mental abuse was going on from day 1. He is saying he will take me to court and that what happens between him and her has no effect on the children! He also told me this morning that he will not see them at all unless I agree to let them go to her house as that would be like admitting that I'm right. WHAT?!! Isn't that ridiculous? My question is can I legally say NO they cannot go where she is? I will not stop him from seeing them, but can I stop her? I'm going to see a free lawyer tomorrow but I'm hoping someone can help alleviate my worries?

OP? Did you sponsor his residency? (assuming he's a legal resident in the US)

 

[scaredmom79]

UGH....yes I did. And He left me right after his green card went through. I know...Naive and stupid....

 

[Proserpina]

UGH....yes I did. And He left me right after his green card went through. I know...Naive and stupid....

Oh crud - I was really hoping you weren't going to say that.

I know you didn't originally ask about this and I don't want to get too far away from your original questions but you do need to consider your financial obligations under the terms of that I-864 affidavit of support.

 

[scaredmom79]

well I was worried about that when he said he was coming back to the states and moving in with her. And Yes I DO have to worry about it. If any debt collectors want to come after me for his bills, they can. I also reported him to immigration and they said its too late to do anything but that he'll never become a citizen because of poor morals. Not that I think that would matter to him. Do you think that the judge will take some of this into consideration? About how he has never shown interest in what was best for the girls? They want so badly to have him in their lives, but he only wants them if its convenient for him. And he retaliates every time I do something he doesn't like and they are the ones who suffer for it. its really disgusting and frustrating to see them hurt over my poor decision of marrying him.

 

[Proserpina]

well I was worried about that when he said he was coming back to the states and moving in with her. And Yes I DO have to worry about it. If any debt collectors want to come after me for his bills, they can. I also reported him to immigration and they said its too late to do anything but that he'll never become a citizen because of poor morals. Not that I think that would matter to him. Do you think that the judge will take some of this into consideration? About how he has never shown interest in what was best for the girls? They want so badly to have him in their lives, but he only wants them if its convenient for him. And he retaliates every time I do something he doesn't like and they are the ones who suffer for it. its really disgusting and frustrating to see them hurt over my poor decision of marrying him.

Hold up hon.

They can't come after you for his bills - they are still his responsibility. What he can do though is sue you for support under the I-864 guidelines; let's ALL hope that he's not aware that he can do this.

It's still not common that immigrants are suing their sponsors but it's becoming more frequent and so far the rulings have consistently been in favor of the immigrant.

 

[scaredmom79]

well great, another added worry, but that one is for later. I'm mostly worried that he can force me to let my daughters go to the house while his girlfriend is there. AND then she will act that way in front of them or towards them. What is a paramour clause??

 

[LdiJ]

well great, another added worry, but that one is for later. I'm mostly worried that he can force me to let my daughters go to the house while his girlfriend is there. AND then she will act that way in front of them or towards them. What is a paramour clause??

A no paramour clause is a clause stating that dad cannot have the children around new significant others.

In my opinion, you should go ahead and file for divorce and custody, and try to negotiate with dad in mediation, or get a judge to order that the children cannot be around the girlfriend.

However, in the meantime you can pretty much do as you like. However, the courts won't be thrilled if you make it impossible for dad to see his children at all.

Of course, the courts also won't be thrilled with dad for letting his girlfriend call the shots either.

 

[scaredmom79]

well thats just it though.... I have made several attempts to try to get him to see them. I have told him I would meet him halfway, we live about 40 minutes apart, and that he could have them there at the house as long as she isn't there. He says that he does not want to see them at all in that case as that would be like admitting that I'm right.

 

[Isis1]

well thats just it though.... I have made several attempts to try to get him to see them. I have told him I would meet him halfway, we live about 40 minutes apart, and that he could have them there at the house as long as she isn't there. He says that he does not want to see them at all in that case as that would be like admitting that I'm right.

oh good god.

if he doesn't want to see them, then fine. file for divorce immediately. the court will decide to intervene since he won't man up to it himself.