Violent stepparent - what do we do?

[buka]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

Here's the situation: Father with full legal and physical custody of 13 yo son. NCP has e/o weekend visits. NCP married a man with a temper. Just found out that last weekend, NCP's husband grabbed child by the throat and threw him down on the couch in anger. Child kicked him and the man told him that next time he hit him, he was going to hit back.

NCP says she doesn't know for sure what happened because she wasn't there and doesn't want to take sides because son probably provoked it. Son says he never wants to go over there again. This is not the first violent outburst, but this is the first time we know of where he laid his hands on him.

NCP has suggested she might just stop taking her visits if son doesn't want to see her. The question is: What needs to happen in order to change order to specify that NCP's husband cannot be present during visits? Could sit back and wait to see if NCP is really going to stop taking visits, but would rather go about this the right way.

 

[stealth2]

Well, for starters, Dad would have to prove that this happened. The word of a 13yo may or may not suffice.

 

[buka]

Any ideas on how to prove? He came home last weekend with grease stains on his shirt and neck (SF is a tow truck driver), but he wouldn't say what happened. NCP isn't really denying anything, she just thinks son provoked it, so it's not a big deal. NCP's 11 yo witnessed it too, but it's unlikely his word is any better than a 13 yo.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, for starters, Dad would have to prove that this happened. The word of a 13yo may or may not suffice.

Were there bruises on the child's neck? Did you take the child to the doctor to document those bruises? It does sound to me like mom isn't handling this very well. However the fact that she is indicating that she won't make the child visit tells me that she knows, deep down, what is going on, and is basically putting her husband ahead of her child.

 

[buka]

No bruises and we didn't know what had happened until today. I think you're right, NCP does know what's going on. The father just wants to protect his son.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

Here's the situation: Father with full legal and physical custody of 13 yo son. NCP has e/o weekend visits. NCP married a man with a temper. Just found out that last weekend, NCP's husband grabbed child by the throat and threw him down on the couch in anger. Child kicked him and the man told him that next time he hit him, he was going to hit back.

NCP says she doesn't know for sure what happened because she wasn't there and doesn't want to take sides because son probably provoked it. Son says he never wants to go over there again. This is not the first violent outburst, but this is the first time we know of where he laid his hands on him.

NCP has suggested she might just stop taking her visits if son doesn't want to see her. The question is: What needs to happen in order to change order to specify that NCP's husband cannot be present during visits? Could sit back and wait to see if NCP is really going to stop taking visits, but would rather go about this the right way.

Contact Children's Services if you feel your son is being abused by the b/f of the mother. File in court for modified visitation to include no contact by the b/f if you think the child is in danger around the b/f.
Since mother seems to accept this is what happened, ask if she's willing to have visitation when b/f is not there.

If mother agrees to forego her visitations, get her to sign a statement saying such- so that she does not come back in the future and say she was denied visitation and try to hold you in contempt.

 

[backontrack]

We have nearly an identicle situation here in MN also. NCP married a guy with a temper. He is a big wig executive making huge money and she is unwilling to leave the gravy train. She has not worked in over 18 months and is several months behind in CS.

Both NCP and her husband have been found to have maltreated the children in the past by Child Protective Services.

The Step father did not touch the kids this last time, but it was a domestic violence situation between the adults, she left for a week, but went back. The kids are really angry about that.

Anyway..we filed a report with CPS. They will be speaking to the kids this week before the next scheduled weekend visit and will determine if it is going to be able to happen or not.

GOOD LUCK
Keep us posted as to what happens