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Visit with Mom

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abys32

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
My adopted daughter was removed by DYFS from her mother in NJ due to drugs and alcohol in April 2010 and placed in my custody in FL by DYFS for a period of one year. Mother has not attempted to visit and has provided no help or support to this day. Mother has invited her to visit NJ over holidays. The legal arrangement is shared custody with physical custody to mother. This has not changed. Since mom was absent and has failed to take a drug test required by DYFS, this was not a problem; however, mother is unpredictable and I have many concerns. Mother is supposedly doing better with drug and alcohol. I don't know what that means. She has stopped attending therapy. Cohabitating with boyfriend she met in AA/NA. I have heard that she is taking online college classes and working. Not sure what is true. I think that in order to allow this visit, mom will need to take a clean D&A test and agree to change of custody. I don't want to deal with any confusion. I feel like the legal custody arrangement could cause major problems if mom decides not to send her back to FL. Child would very much like to see her mother. I think it is reasonable for a child to see her mother, but I am concerned. What would be the best course of action? Do I need an attorney and for what purpose?
 


A

Antigone*

Senior Member
abys32 said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
My adopted daughter was removed by DYFS from her mother in NJ due to drugs and alcohol in April 2010 and placed in my custody in FL by DYFS for a period of one year. Mother has not attempted to visit and has provided no help or support to this day. Mother has invited her to visit NJ over holidays. The legal arrangement is shared custody with physical custody to mother. This has not changed. Since mom was absent and has failed to take a drug test required by DYFS, this was not a problem; however, mother is unpredictable and I have many concerns. Mother is supposedly doing better with drug and alcohol. I don't know what that means. She has stopped attending therapy. Cohabitating with boyfriend she met in AA/NA. I have heard that she is taking online college classes and working. Not sure what is true. I think that in order to allow this visit, mom will need to take a clean D&A test and agree to change of custody. I don't want to deal with any confusion. I feel like the legal custody arrangement could cause major problems if mom decides not to send her back to FL. Child would very much like to see her mother. I think it is reasonable for a child to see her mother, but I am concerned. What would be the best course of action? Do I need an attorney and for what purpose?
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Why don't you encourage mom to come to Jersey for a visit. This way you can monitor things more closely ~ especially since she has is unpredictable and has not complied witht he DYFS requirements.
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
Dad, ask Mom to come to Florida.

With the history, I'm not sure I'd be happy sending my child to NJ to be with Mom.
 
N

nextwife

Senior Member
abys32 said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
My adopted daughter . . . .
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Out of curiousity:

You are her dad?

If so, why do you reference the MANNER in which she became your daughter in this post? Would you refer to a different child as, say, "my C-section son" or "my vaginal birth daughter". Once adoption has been completed, the way YOUR CHILD joined your family is irrelevent in this sort of matter. It should simply be "my daughter . ."
 
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abys32

Member
The adoption was a legal event that took place in a courtroom. That might be relevant on a legal forum. I haven't had problems with NJ court recognizing my rights. I am really interested in gaining advice regarding any possible legal consequences here on this forum.

Many people who don't have any legal knowledge have personal opinions to share about all of this. I do understand why you mentioned it.
 
A

abys32

Member
I live in FL and court is in NJ. I need an attorney. I have lacked urgency because I have DYFS case worker in my corner and mom had been absent. Those are not excuses, but they are the reasons. Now, the legal custody arrangement is hanging over my head like a black cloud. I have no reason to think mom would even want custody, but, as I said earlier she is impulsive and unpredictable and I just don't trust her. I wish I could just ask mom to sign something, send it into the court and feel confident that there are no complications.

My daughter is an honors student and involved in extra curricular activities. She stays out of trouble. She also continues to go to therapy and we will go over this with the therapist and follow her advice. I do trust her to handle herself. However, I really don't know mom's current situation. I think she really wants mom's approval, which could cloud her judgement. I also don't want to disappoint her, but I'm concerned. I would prefer mom show definitively that she is not using drugs and alcohol.
 
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OHRoadwarrior

Senior Member
If she has resided in FL for 6 months as you indicate, I see no reason why you cannot apply for the order to be in FL, with physical custody to you. If I am wrong, we will hear about it soon.
 
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