visitation and school functions

[hayley"s mom]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

My question is, if a child has sports activities for school on my visitation times
am I required to see that my child is transported to and from these activities?
I have a 45 minute drive one way to get my child so if she has an activity
schedule I sometimes have to drive a hour to two hours one way and we spend the whole day at these events which leaves very little time for me to plan activities with my daughter one on one. My daughter is turning 15 in may and is planning on moving in with me, her father is not happy so he practically forces her into sports all school year and during the summer, she has told he and I both that she does not want to participate in all these sports but is pushed by her father and stepmother because she has step siblings who participate. If I try to make plans and my daughter clears it with her coaches my ex threatens me and says I will be in contempt if she doesn't make it to these events, and I will be sorry because I won't get her
on my next visitation. I will crawl through rocks to see my daughter and always have, I try not to rock the boat because my daughter suffers reporcussions from her step mother whom is always with her because her father is never home. I do all the compromising to keep peace but I am tired of my ex and his wife using sports as a way of controlling my daughter and I.
They also ground my daughter constantly and take her privileges away and part of those privileges is talking to me on the phone, or if I was promised a different visitation or trade if you will, they change plans and say its a privilege for her to see me other than our set up visitations, her step has even threatened to "beat my a--" if I try to come and get her. I should not have to fight and beg to see my child but it seems that her step mother has more say than I do, I have to clear everything not only with my ex but his wife, I cannot even send anything home like cd players, bookbags etc. home because her 2 girls from 2 previous marriages don't have the same and if I do
it comes up missing. I have always maintained a relationship with my daughter, I pay child support I also help with clothing and school trips (financially) my daughter is in custody of her father because he paid for her private schooling and his attorney told us one parent had to have custody because of emergency decisions that may arise during the school year, my ex and I had a verbal agreement that she would come to my custody after private school that ended last year (8th grade) but he got married in the meantime and now everything is changed, his wife is very agressive and very hard to deal with but he lets her do all the decision making, Is this right? Please advise.... I am going for custody, I am meeting with my attorney in 2 weeks, my ex says he is fighting me what are my chances?

 

[stealth2]

If there is no court order compelling you to make sure the kid attends those activities, then you have no obligation to make sure she's there. Dad does not get to schedule your time with her, anymore than you do his. If he denies you visitation as a result, you take it to court for contempt.

As for your daughter moving in with you - remember that she does not get that choice. If Dad refuses, you must go through court for a modification - which you may or may not get.

 

[hayley"s mom]

will it go against me ?

So if I tell my ex, that I am not taking her to her track meet or whichever sport it is. I understand that if it is my visitation, so he would be in contempt
to keep her from me. But when I go in for custody, would that be something that could be used against me? I could give him the option of coming to my home getting her and bringing her back to me, but then I still would be losing precious time with her. All we want is to be able to see eachother....

 

[stealth2]

It may, or it may not. Noone can tell you how a judge will view different issues. If she's a star athlete and missing meets/games is going to affect her ability for scholarships, it's possible that a judge would view it negatively. If she hates participating and is only doing it due to her Dad, or if she's just doing it for fun but isn't that good, a judge may not.

What would *I* do? A couple of things. I'd first ascertain just how much my kid enjoyed doing the particular activity. Then I'd call the school/coach and find out exactly how missing weekend meets/games would affect her participation - it may well see her benched more than not. The guy/gal does have a team to run. Then, if there was an activity that she really DOES want to participate in, I would move heaven and earth to get her there. For the rest - at least for the rest of this particular season - I would get her to the activities on one out of every two of my weekends. I would NOT allow her to quit as she does have a commitment to the team/coach. But I would let Dad know that after the current obligations are met, you will not be bringing her to activities that she has not specifically chosen to participate in.

As for custody..... it's a toss-up. Some judges will give your daughter the opportunity to voice her wishes and give them some amount of weight, depending on her maturity and reasons. Some will not. The biggest question is - what change of circumstance warrants a modification?