Visitation Driving

[LuvngMom]

What is the name of your state? IL

I have been divorced for 4 years, and live 65 miles away from my X. I have custodial custody of our four children. He is very orally abusive to me.

I have been unemployeed for over a year due to the technology job recession. I recently got my real estate license, which my new employer requires me to work on weekends. I told the X that I cannot help with the every other weekend driving anymore. He is taking me to court to get me to do it, and to have it put into our agreement. It is not in there now.

I also have a chronic bad back, which makes it difficult, or nearly impossible for me to drive the entire 3 hours. I have been seeing a doctor for 3 years about this. (My new husband used to do the driving, but he is sick of helping out this creep of an X.)

Advice: What do I have to present to the court so I don't have to do this driving? Will letters from my employer and my doctor be enough? Is there something else that I can do to get out of this driving? I feel like I will do ANYTHING legal to get out of it.

On top of it all, I think it is better for the kids this way, because they do not have to see us arguing each time I pick them up. (When he comes to my house, I make myself busy, so he cannot pick a fight with me in front of the kids.)

In addition, in the 6 years that we have been divorced he has never paid any extracirricular activities fees that he is supposed to pay.

 

[hexeliebe]

There is nothing in your post that even remotely suggests you have grounds to cease picking up the children in your current situation.If you are in real estate and working weekends, then you are going to be driving. Do you not think a judge will see through that.

As far as your ex getting an amendment to the visitation agreement, this is very doable. But before we can discuss that you need to clear up a few things.

First, who moved away.

Second, who has visitation and who has primary physical custody?

Third, who does the driving or is it split between the two of you?

 

[Whyte Noise]

My first question would be:

What does the current court order state about who is to do the driving?

Then the rest in the same order as Hex's.

 

[LuvngMom]

I have custodial care. He has visitation every other weekend.
I moved away 4 yrs ago. Divorce was 6 years ago.
There is nothing in the agreement which states who should drive for visitation.
My husband has been doing the driving for the last four years.

Driving 30 minutes in my small town to do real estate is alot different from driving 3 hours at a time.

In addition, my job requires me to answer phones in the office until 6 on Friday and Sunday which is way past their pick up time.

My specific question is regarding the legalities of driving for visitation.

Do both parents ALWAYS share the driving? In which cases does only one parent do the driving. How do the courts come up with their decision about who does the driving?

 

[hexeliebe]

If you moved away and the ex has Always been doing the driving then at the least he is probably going to get a halfway amendment to the order.

List lady, just because you sit and answer phones and may only drive around your small town for 30 minutes do you honestly think a judge is going to give a damn?

It sounds like you want things on your own terms no matter what and you're going to keep coming back here with more excuses about why you shouldn't do anything.

Sorry, but with me it won't work.

And don't even think about getting snippy with me. I'll ask and answer any questions I want to get to the truth of the matter.

As for your SPECIFIC questions:

Do both parents ALWAYS share the driving?

No. But if they are adults they work things out for the benefit of the children instead of running into a courtroom because it's an invonvenience.

In which cases does only one parent do the driving.

In a lot of cases only one parent does the driving. But that's like asking "how often do you beat your wife?" There is nothing in the law that stipulates which parent MUST do the driving.

How do the courts come up with their decision about who does the driving?

They look at a lot of factors, including who moved away, who has put out the most effort in the past, who is whinning the most about not doing the driving and who comes up with the best excuses why they shouldn't be bothered.

Get used to at least 1/2 of the driving or meeting halfway.

 

[mikesonlyangel]

seems to me she didn't say ex has been doing all the driving but that her Current husband has been doing all the driving for the past 4 years. Plus her job seems to be a time situation on the pick up time and so why should her current husband have to take care of this and should her work suffer?

 

[tigger22472]

The judges will look at the fact that Mom moved. OP did you get permission from the court to move that far? Of course your ex had the opportunity to file against the move a long time ago so I guess that could be a moot subject. However, as I said a lot of the time the judge will look at who moved away. I have a friend who moved out of state and she's required to all driving on a six hour trip. Depends on the judge.

 

[LuvngMom]

Hex - You are a mean person. And, for no reason at all did I do anything to you to be mean and to swear at me.

I pray for each and every person who is going through divorce issues. And, I pray that they do not come to you to get belittled.

I am not going to sit here and write down all the things he has done this year to make things worse for me and my children just to try to get you to stop being mean to me and offer some simple advice.

I am not going to snip at you. I feel very sorry for you and for the desperate people who are trying to get some help from you.

To those of you who truly care and are trying to offer help, Thank you.

I would hope that you find a way to stop this Hex person from talking so indecently to the other individuals on this forum.

Don't bother answering me, I am not coming back to this forum.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Well, Mr. "Holier-than-thou, always-right, perfect-dad" drives off another person looking for help. Thanks Hex, and god help your kids and ex if you treat them like this.

What an a.s.s. hole.

 

[mikesonlyangel]

I am new to this forum but I felt bad for the woman that was looking for advice so that is why I tried to say something for her. I hope she does come back,none of us are perfect we are all just human. We all need help sometimes.

 

[GA.SMof2]

Hex's honesty

I'm relatively new to the site, but I lived through the same things that Hex cites in his post. When my husband asked for his ex to drive halfway for visits, the first thing the judge asked was who moved away from whom? When my husband's ex replied (and stomped her foot - no kidding!) that she moved away from us, the judge ordered that she meet us halfway (2 hour drive to the halfway point.) Driving to the halfway point allows the NCP more time with the children outside of a vehicle on an interstate.

 

[stealth2]

Hex - You are a mean person.

Sweetheart - if you think Hex is mean, you ain't heard nuthin' 'til you get on the stand and are cross-examined by your ex's attorney. Good luck with that.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Uh... this isn't a courtroom. But how nice of folks to try to prepare people for court.

 

[mikesonlyangel]

I didn't realize when I came here for advice that is isn't just an advice forum but a toughening up forum, some of us just have questions and need a little understanding, does every post have to become a war, jmo. Maybe the situations here have made some tough and others weak.

 

[nextwife]

Many times the move-away is either agreed to by the OP, or not challenged BASED upon the understanding that the move-away parent is assuming responsibilty for traversing the distance THEY have created. Then a few years later they are here posting how their kids are unhappy with the visitation schedule because they must spend so much time in the car and they'd rather be hanging out with their friends and so they want to cut back visitation or they do not wish to drive any more. Then the kids start resenting the OP because of having to spend all this time going to the NCPs house because it cuts into their social time. Go back to the archives and see what I mean.

I sold RE for many years. I'm still in the business, but not in sales, RE professionals are part of my customer base. One CAN alternate floor time with other associates so that you are taking floor time on alternate weekends, on the weekends that you do NOT have to drive to the OP. That's what I did when I sold. I traded floor times to fit my needs. I also know many RE professionals who never work floor time, they use other networking strategies to obtain their leads.

Why had your husband been made responsible for all this driving up until now?