Visitation Problems

[secondwife]

my husband and his ex wife have joint custody of his teenage son. my husband is principal custodian with his ex having visitation every other weekend and shared holidays, although she only comes to get him when it's convenient for her. anyway, my husband's ex seems to think that joint custody gives her the right to check out their son from school without my husband's permission. does joint custody give her this right and if not what steps should we take to avoid her from doing so?
we live in louisiana.

 

[Chippewa30]

School

Not sure about your state, but in KS, the ex cannot take them out of school w/o the other parents permission. It has to be in writing, on record at the school.

 

[secondwife]

That is exactly what we thought. This past December she called wanting to check my step-son out of school to attend her office x-mas party. well, when my husband told her that he didn't think it was a good idea for her to do that, (school being more important than a party) she threw a fit. She started saying that she knew her rights and she would go check him out of school with or without his permission. My husband then told her that the answer was no and that was the end of it. Well, my husband brought a copy of the custody papers and a letter stating that she was not allowed to pick him up without his permission to the school and that seemed to hold her off for the time being. But I don't think it is the end.

 

[Chippewa30]

Reply

Good for him!! If the school does not comply with the court orders, they can be held liable for anything happening to the child. Just remind them of that, and they should be cooperative. Hope everything works out for you two. I'm getting ready for a custody battle myself over my b/f's children with his ex. I know where you're at!

 

[secondwife]

Best of luck! I've tried to get my husband to take his ex back to court to at least make her visitation a little more reliable but he says "we only have 4 to 5 more years at most to have to deal with her and then we're through!" Really it's not how often she comes get my step-son that upsets me but it's the way she treats him. I've helped to raise him since he was 4 years old (he'll turn 14 soon). Right now, she's suppose to have him every other weekend but she doesn't hold up to it. Which is fine with me cause that's less we have to deal with her, But when she does decide that she wants to come get him she usually ends up throwing a wrench in our plans. You never know when to expect her. She just shows up! Right now it's been over 5 weeks since she came get him. The sad part is she only lives 10 minutes away from us. Well, again Best of Luck in court with the ex!

 

[Chippewa30]

I'm very sad to hear that she lives that close and doesn't want to see her son. In most states the visiting parent has to give 48hr. notice. You might check into it. If she goes that long w/o seeing him, then just shows up, I don't think he has to go (unless he wants to). I know these things are hard. My b/f hasn't seen his children for about 2 1/2 years; finally July 28th, we will be going to Reno to see them. Their Aunt was kind enough to get them for 2 weeks and contact us. I like her already! Anyways, check into the laws in your state. Should be able to type in something like http://www.xx.gov - the xx would be your state abbreviation.
Just hold in there!!

 

[Ambr]

in MO - joint custody parents previous situations

my ex was able to go to the school and check our children out without me knowing anything about it. it is joint custody - he has equal rights. court papers were taken to the school. but with them reading joint custody there wasn't anything that we could do about it. sole cusotdy would have been a seperate issue - he wouldn't have been able to do it.

the best arrangement we worked out was that the school contacts me if their dad shows up to sign them out. that way i know they are with him and who to contact on when they are coming home.

 

[secondwife]

Thanks

Ambr: Thanks for the information!

Chippewa30: Thanks for the info! It's great to hear that your b/f will finally get to see his kids after all that time. It's terrible to think some ex-wifes/husbands think they are only hurting their ex spouse by keeping the kids from seeing them. The kids are the ones who suffer the most. I've seen my stepson get so excited cause his mom promised to come get him and take him somewhere special, or buy him something he really wanted and then just as if he's on a rollercoaster he comes crashing down because she went back on her promise. Alot of people don't realize just how hard it is being a step parent! Well, I hope everything goes well when you two visit the children. Just remember: Make every moment count!