Visitation question

[father22]

What is the name of your state? NY

Upon my attorney's advice I am not allowing my child's mother (never married) to take him for visitation until the custody hearing. (nothing was ever court ordered) This is because she threatens to keep him and not return him. I hate to keep my son from his mother though, and I don't want this to reflect negatively for me. I can't have her over to my house to see my son because my wife would freak out. She doesn't want the ex to be anywhere near our house or our new baby. I understand because my son's mother has been very violent in the past. I was wondering, if I take my son to a neutral place like McDonalds, and she attempts to run off with him or something..what legal recourse will I have? My attorney is out of town for the week so I can't call him.

 

[snostar]

Since there is no court order she has the same rights as you, and can take physically custody of the child. When is the hearing? Can you bring family members or friends with you to this meeting?

There were times in my case that my attorney advised me to do things I just did not believe were in my child's best interest, I ignored my attorney, did what my heart told me was best and in the end it truly benefitted me in court. It comes down to a personal decision.

 

[father22]

The hearing is in 2 weeks. I've told her that she can call here anytime she wants to talk to him. (Which she has never done). And I let her see him 2 times while she was dropping off our other child for the weekend. She's only missed 2 EOW visits since she initially made the threats and I stopped allowing her to take him.

 

[snostar]

The hearing is in 2 weeks. I've told her that she can call here anytime she wants to talk to him. (Which she has never done). And I let her see him 2 times while she was dropping off our other child for the weekend. She's only missed 2 EOW visits since she initially made the threats and I stopped allowing her to take him.

There is no court order, correct? Were these visits set up by you and her outside of court?

 

[father22]

Yeah the visits were set up by us. She has our youngest child, and I have the oldest. We switched off EOW so that the kids could be together. 1 weekend son would go to her house, the next weekend daughter would go to mine. Which worked out great for the past 6 months, but then her CS was cancelled and it was at that point that she decided that she wanted my son.

 

[CJane]

Why do you have the kids split up this way?

 

[father22]

They're split this way bc originally she had informal custody of both kids, and I got them EOW. Then I was injured in an accident, and CS was lowered. So, their mom said that she couldn't afford our son anymore. She also said that he was too bad, and that he needed his father. So she sent him over here. I've wanted my little girl too, but its hard to get custody when you're the NCP. Plus I never needed to worry about her not allowing me to see the kids. She's always screaming on my answering machine that she can't handle them, and begs me to come pick them up. Well it was them bf my son came to live here, now she just says it about my daughter.

 

[CJane]

They're split this way bc originally she had informal custody of both kids, and I got them EOW. Then I was injured in an accident, and CS was lowered. So, their mom said that she couldn't afford our son anymore. She also said that he was too bad, and that he needed his father. So she sent him over here. I've wanted my little girl too, but its hard to get custody when you're the NCP. Plus I never needed to worry about her not allowing me to see the kids. She's always screaming on my answering machine that she can't handle them, and begs me to come pick them up. Well it was them bf my son came to live here, now she just says it about my daughter.

I don't suppose you still have the tapes of the phone calls on the machine? I'm thinking that if she voluntarily gave up one child, and continues to leave recorded messages about not being able to handle the other, and repeatedly threatens to 'take' the child from you, then you have a pretty strong custody case.

What's your attorney doing for you?

 

[father22]

Ooh yeah, I have everything saved. That and a lot worse stuff to that she says. The attorney says that hes pretty sure she will have to compromise on at least letting me keep my son. I've filed for my daughter too. But truthfull neither of us have a lot of money so I don't see how either of us will afford to not compromise. He charged me 450 to write a parenting plan but she refused to sign it and didnt even look at it. He says that the 450 includes the initial hearing in 2 weeks. He says that its good because I already have my son, but might not be good because the courts dont like to seperate a brother and sister. But the lawyer says its also good for me that I'm married and that my wife and I have a child. So the kids have a sibling here to. Well thats if it comes down to that. I dont know. My kids mother is so inconsistent I wonder if she'll even show up. I know she doesnt have a lawyer