What is the name of your state? Colorado...
More curious than anything, but I have some questions.
My husband has a child that is now 7, they were never married or lived together. Child support was established through the state when the child was young, but there has never been a visitation agreement beyond the mother calling and asking us to take her for various periods, but when my husband has crossed the mother in anyway we lose contact with her for months and at times even years. At this time we live 130 miles away, but the distance has varied through the years.
We have often been without a way to reach her, or even an idea of her location. Now and then her mother calls and asks us to take her, but then we go months without being able to even talk to her.
While there has been some concern for the childs safety, she has been sent to us with a terrible case of headlice, talked about drug use in the home, witnessing abusive situations, pets being harmed. We have documented these situations, but do not have the financial resources to do anything else. We also have very little proof other than the childs word. Her mother is with a new guy about once a year, two of these had convictions on their record for child molestation.
My husband was injured in September, he had surgery and returned to work in October but reinjured the knee less than four months later and now requires a full reconstruction of his knee (torn ACL, MCL replacement at least).
We are now in the process of losing our home, and one vehicle is being reposessed. We are trying to file for bankruptcy just to get back on solid ground. His Child support obligation was 530 a month, and we tried to avoid it but we have come to the point we have to ask the court to lower it until things get better.
On the 1st we got to pick her up for a summer visit that was to last until the 7th, at this time my husband filed a modification of child support and a visitation agreement. When her mother got the papers she was naturally very angry. She seems to have the terms visitation and custody confused and is insisting that we are trying to take the child away from her totally. She has been calling telling him that this was totally unnecessary, all we had to do was ask and she lets the child decide...
This Tuesday the 20th, she called saying she was in town picking up her child from a previous relationship and they would like to spend some time with my husbands daughter. Yes, we knew she was probably going to take off with her. She said she would pick her up at noon and return her the following afternoon.
On Wednesday I had to take two of my three children to the train station to meet their father for summer visitation. At 7AM the phone rang saying that the little one had cried all night begging her mom to take her home. She said she would not force her to stay if she didn't want to. She gave us two hours to get her things ready.
I told her it was not possible, I had two children to get ready and a two hour drive one way to get my kids to their Dad. She yelled and screamed at me, but I just kept repeating myself. It just wasn't possible. She kept asking me what I would do, force my child to stay somewhere they didn't want to be?
She had been with us for three weeks, not once did she cry to go home. She did say she missed her mommy a few times and talked to her on the phone. When she left to see her mom I told her I would miss her, and she said.... oh it's only for one night silly.
When we finally got to talk to her, she was not crying, she said her Mommy had gotten her a new kitten and she wanted to see it. When her mom called me back demanding her clothes I again told her I was not able to do it on such short notice, she kept yelling at me and I finally called her a psycho and hung up.
A few minutes later the phone rang, and we weren't going to answer it. Only this time it was the little one. She said I could not talk to her mommy like that. She had heard me because her mother had her on the other line the whole time!!! ACK!
Ughh...
So that was as short as I could make it. It makes me sick seeing the head games she is playing with her child. It is not healthy.
My divorce was civil, we filled out the papers together, my divorce papers specifically prohibit the behaviours listed above. We are not to bad mouth the other parent in front of the child, not to drag the child into the middle of our battles, not to use the kids to make changes in visitation.
Since we have not yet gone to court and due to 0 income we are doing this without an attorney, I just want to check. Are the provisions in my divorce standard? Do we need to file other papers to specify these things?
If we need to file more papers, now would be the time. I am assuming that her behaviour will highlight the need for a court ordered visitation arrangement as opposed to "I let my children decide (after I convince them to do what I want them to do of course)" scenario. Her bahavior is clearly not in the best interests of the little one, but in my experience the courts don't always see things the way we do.
We are concerned for the welfare of the child, and that is our only concern. I know I have no say in the matter, I only ask because my husband has asked me to ask you, and using we is much less complicated than saying my husband's ... So please excuse the we part. I am well aware that my presence is irrelevant in the matter, as are her many boyfriends and husbands.
A second question I have, my husband was a heavy drinker. This is part of the reason he never fought for custody, truthfull he was too drunk to really put much thought into it. A year ago last May, he was drunk and spanked my son. I put my foot down and turned him in myself. I left him that same day. He was charged with child abuse and reckless endangerment. I left him at that time, and we have been in counseling all of this time. He has been sober since the night of his arrest, and has been doing well.
Since he quit drinking and enrolled himself in counseling soon after, the DA agreed to hold the charges in the case. The judge and the DA have both told him they are proud of his taking responsibility to fix the problem on his own. They said they will drop the charges upon his "completion" of therapy and on the provision he remains sober.
This is bound to come up in court, there is no conviction, but it is sitting there on his record. What impact will this have on the visitation hearing?
Will it make a difference to bring court records from this matter to show that he has been working very hard to get himself together?
Thank you for your time... and people... please... love your kids more than you hate each other... it is possible, really.
More curious than anything, but I have some questions.
My husband has a child that is now 7, they were never married or lived together. Child support was established through the state when the child was young, but there has never been a visitation agreement beyond the mother calling and asking us to take her for various periods, but when my husband has crossed the mother in anyway we lose contact with her for months and at times even years. At this time we live 130 miles away, but the distance has varied through the years.
We have often been without a way to reach her, or even an idea of her location. Now and then her mother calls and asks us to take her, but then we go months without being able to even talk to her.
While there has been some concern for the childs safety, she has been sent to us with a terrible case of headlice, talked about drug use in the home, witnessing abusive situations, pets being harmed. We have documented these situations, but do not have the financial resources to do anything else. We also have very little proof other than the childs word. Her mother is with a new guy about once a year, two of these had convictions on their record for child molestation.
My husband was injured in September, he had surgery and returned to work in October but reinjured the knee less than four months later and now requires a full reconstruction of his knee (torn ACL, MCL replacement at least).
We are now in the process of losing our home, and one vehicle is being reposessed. We are trying to file for bankruptcy just to get back on solid ground. His Child support obligation was 530 a month, and we tried to avoid it but we have come to the point we have to ask the court to lower it until things get better.
On the 1st we got to pick her up for a summer visit that was to last until the 7th, at this time my husband filed a modification of child support and a visitation agreement. When her mother got the papers she was naturally very angry. She seems to have the terms visitation and custody confused and is insisting that we are trying to take the child away from her totally. She has been calling telling him that this was totally unnecessary, all we had to do was ask and she lets the child decide...
This Tuesday the 20th, she called saying she was in town picking up her child from a previous relationship and they would like to spend some time with my husbands daughter. Yes, we knew she was probably going to take off with her. She said she would pick her up at noon and return her the following afternoon.
On Wednesday I had to take two of my three children to the train station to meet their father for summer visitation. At 7AM the phone rang saying that the little one had cried all night begging her mom to take her home. She said she would not force her to stay if she didn't want to. She gave us two hours to get her things ready.
I told her it was not possible, I had two children to get ready and a two hour drive one way to get my kids to their Dad. She yelled and screamed at me, but I just kept repeating myself. It just wasn't possible. She kept asking me what I would do, force my child to stay somewhere they didn't want to be?
She had been with us for three weeks, not once did she cry to go home. She did say she missed her mommy a few times and talked to her on the phone. When she left to see her mom I told her I would miss her, and she said.... oh it's only for one night silly.
When we finally got to talk to her, she was not crying, she said her Mommy had gotten her a new kitten and she wanted to see it. When her mom called me back demanding her clothes I again told her I was not able to do it on such short notice, she kept yelling at me and I finally called her a psycho and hung up.
A few minutes later the phone rang, and we weren't going to answer it. Only this time it was the little one. She said I could not talk to her mommy like that. She had heard me because her mother had her on the other line the whole time!!! ACK!
Ughh...
So that was as short as I could make it. It makes me sick seeing the head games she is playing with her child. It is not healthy.
My divorce was civil, we filled out the papers together, my divorce papers specifically prohibit the behaviours listed above. We are not to bad mouth the other parent in front of the child, not to drag the child into the middle of our battles, not to use the kids to make changes in visitation.
Since we have not yet gone to court and due to 0 income we are doing this without an attorney, I just want to check. Are the provisions in my divorce standard? Do we need to file other papers to specify these things?
If we need to file more papers, now would be the time. I am assuming that her behaviour will highlight the need for a court ordered visitation arrangement as opposed to "I let my children decide (after I convince them to do what I want them to do of course)" scenario. Her bahavior is clearly not in the best interests of the little one, but in my experience the courts don't always see things the way we do.
We are concerned for the welfare of the child, and that is our only concern. I know I have no say in the matter, I only ask because my husband has asked me to ask you, and using we is much less complicated than saying my husband's ... So please excuse the we part. I am well aware that my presence is irrelevant in the matter, as are her many boyfriends and husbands.
A second question I have, my husband was a heavy drinker. This is part of the reason he never fought for custody, truthfull he was too drunk to really put much thought into it. A year ago last May, he was drunk and spanked my son. I put my foot down and turned him in myself. I left him that same day. He was charged with child abuse and reckless endangerment. I left him at that time, and we have been in counseling all of this time. He has been sober since the night of his arrest, and has been doing well.
Since he quit drinking and enrolled himself in counseling soon after, the DA agreed to hold the charges in the case. The judge and the DA have both told him they are proud of his taking responsibility to fix the problem on his own. They said they will drop the charges upon his "completion" of therapy and on the provision he remains sober.
This is bound to come up in court, there is no conviction, but it is sitting there on his record. What impact will this have on the visitation hearing?
Will it make a difference to bring court records from this matter to show that he has been working very hard to get himself together?
Thank you for your time... and people... please... love your kids more than you hate each other... it is possible, really.
