visitation standards?

[kerry123]

My ex husband left the state (Massachusetts) for a year, during which time he did not so much as write or speak to our daughter. Now he's back, as if nothing had changed. He's living with his aunt and cousins, in what I consider a bad environment. I respect and trust his aunt, but her three children live there and they all have children (five in total), and none have ever been married. I'm not confortable with this situation. On top of that, three of these children have been removed by DSS. He swears during normal conversation, he has no respect for authority, etc. Basically, I think he's a bad role model. While I think his parenting is bad, he has not ever physically hit or abused her. My daughter visits him every other weekend at his aunts house, and during these visits I'm constantly stressed out and worried. On the first visit since his return I found out he let her sleep over someones house, then went to work the next morning. He was supposed to work 2 hours, but ended up working the whole day. So she was left at this persons house the whole day while I waited for her wondering why she was so late and unable to contact her. Aren't there general rules that regulate the visitations. If so, how can I find out what they are? Do I contact social services? or a lawyer? or is there nothing I can do?

 

[haiku]

My husbands order is in Ma.

Unless the child is in physical danger there is really nothing you can do. Whether or not he si a good role model as a parent is moot now...

his parenting time is HIS parenting time. you may not agree with the people he has around his daughter or his values, but there is really nothing you can do. He has the right to choose who see's or cares for his daughter during his visitation times, as you do when your daughter is with you.

my husbands ex was told this in court when she tried to orchestrate his visitation times.

but I do have some questions for you, as you mentioned you could not find your daughter one day, that is unaceptable for both NCP's and CP's to do to the other. My husbands ex does this every time she moves, at this point she does it so often, it is like clockwork and we just keep a log for future reference.

Is this court ordered visitation and if it is, are there set days and times for pick up and drop off? if there are not you should really consider getting set visitation, covering all times including holidays and vacations set up in court. Include all things, like time and location of drop offs and who will be responsible for transportation. it should be made clear that both parties need to share address's and phone numbers of where they and child can be reached, and notified immediately of any changes.

 

[kerry123]

Thank you for the info. I suspected there wasn't much I could do, but my father is on my case. He makes me feel like I'm being a neglectful uncaring parent because I'm not refusing to let my daughter visit her dad. I tried to explain that you just can't do that. I will show him your post.
As for a visitation schedule, there is one written up, but it's outdated, it says visits are to be Tues and Thurse 1-7, but this doesn't work out for either of us. We've been doing every other weekend, but this just a verbal agreement. I wonder, If I have a new visitation schedule drawn up, can I add some stipulations such as: he's not to take her on days he's working.
Also, I didn't realize my ex was required to keep me in contact with her during the visits. Is there a good resource where I can find out such rules?
Thanks.

 

[haiku]

hi, it is not so much that he keep you in contact with her, I meant that he should always make sure he has a current phone number for you, and if he has the child staying somewhere else, to let you know. You are supposed to do the same for him.

it may be time to modify, if as you say the old schedule isnt working. Be careful on the work time issue, if this is just an occasional problem, it still will come under, "on his time he can do as he pleases." if it were to come to pass that the child NEVER was with dad, that would be one thing, but there are occasions even a non custodial has to work during thier visitation times. If you go for modification, he should be trying to make sure that his time with the child is convenient to his work schedule. it may be worth it to you to hire a lawyer to help you work out a plan.

explain to your dad, that without a court order to back you up you are considered in contempt of court for dening visitation, which could result in the loss of your physical custody if your ex wanted to push it.