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Visitation When A Child Is Working

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Kenny_74

Junior Member
Hi there, I live in Oregon and need some advice.

I have sole custody of my daughter and her mother has visitation every other weekend. My daughter has turned 16 and now has a part-time weekend job. She also has a drivers licence and a car. Her mother lives 45 miles away and is responsible for pick ups and drop offs during her visitation weekends, but now that my daughter has a job, her mother expects my daughter to burn her gas money to drive back and forth to her house for visitation.

So my question is, who is responsible? Is her mother obligated to drive her back and forth to work during her visitation, or is it my daughter's responsibility? Or is my daughter even allowed to be scheduled to work during her mother's visitation?

Thanks in advance for your help.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
Hi there, I live in Oregon and need some advice.

I have sole custody of my daughter and her mother has visitation every other weekend. My daughter has turned 16 and now has a part-time weekend job. She also has a drivers licence and a car. Her mother lives 45 miles away and is responsible for pick ups and drop offs during her visitation weekends, but now that my daughter has a job, her mother expects my daughter to burn her gas money to drive back and forth to her house for visitation.

So my question is, who is responsible? Is her mother obligated to drive her back and forth to work during her visitation, or is it my daughter's responsibility? Or is my daughter even allowed to be scheduled to work during her mother's visitation?

Thanks in advance for your help.
Technically, you are in violation of the custody orders by allowing your daughter to work on mom's weekends. Therefore mom is being generous (and smart in my opinion) in allowing the child to work on her weekends and to drive herself back and forth to do so. Seriously dad, don't rock the boat on this one because you are the one who is in the wrong entirely...not your daughter, YOU.

If I were in your shoes I would be subsidizing my daughter's gas usage...and otherwise keeping my mouth shut.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
This is a time when the three of you need to sit down and talk. You can put your foot down, and Mom can say "too bad - kiddo is with me for the weekend, not working." You'd both be (morally) in the wrong. Depending on your daughter's hours, how about she goes to Mom's after school on Friday, goes to work as scheduled, while staying at Mom's, coming home Sunday night/Monday morning (whatever the order states). You talk to Mom and suggest the two of you split the cost of gas. That is what *I* would do.
 

Kenny_74

Junior Member
Technically, you are in violation of the custody orders by allowing your daughter to work on mom's weekends. Therefore mom is being generous (and smart in my opinion) in allowing the child to work on her weekends and to drive herself back and forth to do so. Seriously dad, don't rock the boat on this one because you are the one who is in the wrong entirely...not your daughter, YOU.

If I were in your shoes I would be subsidizing my daughter's gas usage...and otherwise keeping my mouth shut.
I've actually never spoken to her mother about it, this is something they've worked out on their own. She has a car payment and insurance to pay for now and can only work limited hours due to her school schedule. Now that summer is over, the topic of gas money has come up and I just wanted to know what the state's official position is on the entire scenario.

Thanks for the info.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
If you are asking whether some legislature or other at some time sat down and passed a law that said that only the parents were allowed to drive back and forth for visitation and in no way, shape or form could an of-driving-age child be allowed/permitted to do it or to pay for the gas, the answer is no, they didn't. They figured they had bigger and better things to do and that parents of driving-age children were surely intelligent enough to work out an issue like this for themselves and didn't need the legislature or the courts telling them who could and could not drive where within the family or who paid for the gas. Particularly when you consider that mid to late teenagers are generally looking for all the driving time they can get.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
This is a time when the three of you need to sit down and talk. You can put your foot down, and Mom can say "too bad - kiddo is with me for the weekend, not working." You'd both be (morally) in the wrong. Depending on your daughter's hours, how about she goes to Mom's after school on Friday, goes to work as scheduled, while staying at Mom's, coming home Sunday night/Monday morning (whatever the order states). You talk to Mom and suggest the two of you split the cost of gas. That is what *I* would do.
I see your point Stealth but I wouldn't expect mom to split the cost. Legally dad's in the wrong here for allowing the child to take a job that interferes with mom's weekends. Mom's being pretty smart/generous not to object to the child working on mom's weekends...she could easily be a PITA and refuse to allow the child to work at all on her weekends. While mom is saving some gas money not having to pick up and drop off at the beginning and end of visitation, she is also losing time with the child.

If this were to end up in court I suspect that the end result would be that the child wouldn't be permitted to work on mom's weekend. I think that it would be far wiser for dad to simply subsidize the child's gas usage.
 

Kenny_74

Junior Member
This is a time when the three of you need to sit down and talk. You can put your foot down, and Mom can say "too bad - kiddo is with me for the weekend, not working." You'd both be (morally) in the wrong. Depending on your daughter's hours, how about she goes to Mom's after school on Friday, goes to work as scheduled, while staying at Mom's, coming home Sunday night/Monday morning (whatever the order states). You talk to Mom and suggest the two of you split the cost of gas. That is what *I* would do.
That's probably not going to happen. Her mother and I are not on speaking terms. We've always had to follow the custody order by the letter because she's not willing to compromise. She feels entitled and it's all about her, regardless of what's going on in my daughter's life. If she knew that legally my daughter wasn't allowed to work on her weekends, she'd jump on it. But right now, she doesn't know. If the state says my daughter can't be scheduled to work during her visitation, then that's the way it will have to be. That is, if her mother raises a big stink about it. So far, she has not tried to contact me.

Thanks for the advice.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
That's probably not going to happen. Her mother and I are not on speaking terms. We've always had to follow the custody order by the letter because she's not willing to compromise. She feels entitled and it's all about her, regardless of what's going on in my daughter's life. If the state says my daughter can't be scheduled to work during her visitation, then that's the way it will have to be. That is, if her mother raises a big stink about it. So far, she has not tried to contact me.

Thanks for the advice.
So, you would rather foul up mom cooperating with the child working on her weekends rather than subsidizing the child's gas? Seriously dad are you more invested in getting one over on your ex or are you more invested in your child getting as much of a normal teenage life as possible despite the fact that her parents are not together and don't get along?

Right now its work. In the future it could be things like Homecoming, Prom, and other social events that might be important to your daughter. Do you really want to turn it into that? Seriously?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
That's probably not going to happen. Her mother and I are not on speaking terms. We've always had to follow the custody order by the letter because she's not willing to compromise. She feels entitled and it's all about her, regardless of what's going on in my daughter's life. If she knew that legally my daughter wasn't allowed to work on her weekends, she'd jump on it. But right now, she doesn't know. If the state says my daughter can't be scheduled to work during her visitation, then that's the way it will have to be. That is, if her mother raises a big stink about it. So far, she has not tried to contact me.

Thanks for the advice.
So.... keep quiet and cover kiddo's gas for that travel.
 

Kenny_74

Junior Member
So, you would rather foul up mom cooperating with the child working on her weekends rather than subsidizing the child's gas? Seriously dad are you more invested in getting one over on your ex or are you more invested in your child getting as much of a normal teenage life as possible despite the fact that her parents are not together and don't get along?

Right now its work. In the future it could be things like Homecoming, Prom, and other social events that might be important to your daughter. Do you really want to turn it into that? Seriously?
No, that's not what I said. Nor did I say I wasn't willing to subsidize her gas. Reread the part about compromise for clarification.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
No, that's not what I said. Nor did I say I wasn't willing to subsidize her gas. Reread the part about compromise for clarification.
Dad, the deal here is that legally you are in the wrong. Morally, you both should be recognizing that your child is a teen and that life changes when a child is a teen...and that both parents need to "bend".

However, as you stated you have sole custody so that you don't have a situation where the two of you need to agree. You have a situation where you basically have total control other than what the custody/visitation agreement states...and you are flat out violating that by allowing your child to have a job that requires her to work during mom's time. Mom is not hauling you into court for that...mom is cooperating. You are whining because the result of that is that the child spends more money on gas than you are happy with.

You have to decide what is more important to you and your child at this point...mom continuing to cooperate or mom not.
 

Pinkie39

Member
OP should also look into whether teens in his state aren't permitted to drive without a parent, between certain hours.

Here in Ohio, teens under 18 cannot drive without a parent late at night or very early in the mornings, for safety reasons.

If Oregon has such a law and the teen is going to be driving 45 minutes each way back and forth from Mom's house, that needs to be kept in mind.
 

Kenny_74

Junior Member
Dad, the deal here is that legally you are in the wrong. Morally, you both should be recognizing that your child is a teen and that life changes when a child is a teen...and that both parents need to "bend".

However, as you stated you have sole custody so that you don't have a situation where the two of you need to agree. You have a situation where you basically have total control other than what the custody/visitation agreement states...and you are flat out violating that by allowing your child to have a job that requires her to work during mom's time. Mom is not hauling you into court for that...mom is cooperating. You are whining because the result of that is that the child spends more money on gas than you are happy with.

You have to decide what is more important to you and your child at this point...mom continuing to cooperate or mom not.
Do you have a reading comprehension problem? As I said, I came here to find out the state's official stance on the subject. She's not allowed to work during her mother's visitation. Got it. I can keep that under my hat and pay for her gas. Got it. No need to tell me over and over again that I'm "in the wrong" or that I'm "whining." Your condescending tone and propensity for jumping to conclusions is neither needed nor asked for. Everything you said has already been covered, so I'm not sure why you decided to chime in and repeat with a snotty attitude, but your assistance is no longer required. Thanks.
 

Kenny_74

Junior Member
OP should also look into whether teens in his state aren't permitted to drive without a parent, between certain hours.

Here in Ohio, teens under 18 cannot drive without a parent late at night or very early in the mornings, for safety reasons.

If Oregon has such a law and the teen is going to be driving 45 minutes each way back and forth from Mom's house, that needs to be kept in mind.
It seems Oregon law says no driving between 12AM and 5AM, but there is an exception for driving between home and work. Should never be an issue anyway as her work is never open past 10PM.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
This OP is not "wrong for allowing the daughter to work on mom's weekends". Mom herself is the one allowing the daughter to work, with the agreement that if she does so, she must drive herself. I don't see a problem with that.

Mom, by order, is responsible for picking the daughter up. If she does so, she has no responsibility to take the child to work, only to bring her home (assuming that is also part of the order). Really, I don't see anyone doing anything wrong here. Kids need time with their parents. They also need to work for their money. I'm not sure how else this could be worked out.
 
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