Visitation with non-Custodial parent

[Dawn1231]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I have a question on what the typical visitation schedule is for parents who live in separate states....a little background.

I am the mother of two children ages 8 and 12. My ex-husband and I divorced in 2003. At the time I was in school full-time and working full-time so I decided that it would be in the best interest of the children to stay with their dad rather than me because I would have had to find a babysitter 4 nights a week, my daughter would have had to change schools, etc. Little did I know this would be a huge mistake that will haunt me for the end of my time.

Because we did live close enough, our lawyers worked it out so that neither of us pay "support" to the other. I do pay half of school lunches, medicines, doctor visits, school expenses, etc. And of course, I buy clothes and odds and ends as necessary.

The original court order said that neither of us would move more than 15 miles away. I couldn't afford the area I was living in, so I moved out of that area which meant I got less time with the kids, but I still saw them as often as possible.

Recently, I moved out of state with my fiance (he has since remarried) but we did not change anything in the courts. My children do not want to make the decision, and my daughter would completely break down if asked. Her father also stated that there is no way he will ever let her live with me and that since it was my choice to move, it's my own problem.

Since I am basically out of compliance with the divorce agreement, what are my rights, if any?

Also, what is the "typical" visitation schedule for parents living in separate states? Can anyone help me with this? I don't have very much money and he and his wife have a salary about 10x what I make (literally) so if I fight, he's going to have many more resources than I will have and I may end up going broke with no changes.

He is letting them fly up for Christmas and I am going to go there for Spring Break if he will let them spend time at my mother's (I went down in October for 4 days and the cost threw me into a frenzy).

I want my kids with me, but I am resigned to the fact that won't happen, I just want to know typical agreements.

Thank you..and sorry for the rambling

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I have a question on what the typical visitation schedule is for parents who live in separate states....a little background.

I am the mother of two children ages 8 and 12. My ex-husband and I divorced in 2003. At the time I was in school full-time and working full-time so I decided that it would be in the best interest of the children to stay with their dad rather than me because I would have had to find a babysitter 4 nights a week, my daughter would have had to change schools, etc. Little did I know this would be a huge mistake that will haunt me for the end of my time.

Because we did live close enough, our lawyers worked it out so that neither of us pay "support" to the other. I do pay half of school lunches, medicines, doctor visits, school expenses, etc. And of course, I buy clothes and odds and ends as necessary.

The original court order said that neither of us would move more than 15 miles away. I couldn't afford the area I was living in, so I moved out of that area which meant I got less time with the kids, but I still saw them as often as possible.

Recently, I moved out of state with my fiance (he has since remarried) but we did not change anything in the courts. My children do not want to make the decision, and my daughter would completely break down if asked. Her father also stated that there is no way he will ever let her live with me and that since it was my choice to move, it's my own problem.

Since I am basically out of compliance with the divorce agreement, what are my rights, if any?

Also, what is the "typical" visitation schedule for parents living in separate states? Can anyone help me with this? I don't have very much money and he and his wife have a salary about 10x what I make (literally) so if I fight, he's going to have many more resources than I will have and I may end up going broke with no changes.

He is letting them fly up for Christmas and I am going to go there for Spring Break if he will let them spend time at my mother's (I went down in October for 4 days and the cost threw me into a frenzy).

I want my kids with me, but I am resigned to the fact that won't happen, I just want to know typical agreements.

Thank you..and sorry for the rambling

You have the right to petition for a long distance visitation plan. You are not going to get a 50/50 time split OR primary custody since you moved in violation of the decree. You can expect half the summer if not a week or two more -- dad getting two weeks in the summer for vacation with the children, Christmas OR Spring break, a long weekend every once in a while AND phone calls, and you may have to pay ALL transportation costs. Dad is entitled to ask you to pay child support.

You chose to move without thinking of how it would effect the children, didn't you?

 

[nextwife]

You have the right to petition for a long distance visitation plan. You are not going to get a 50/50 time split OR primary custody since you moved in violation of the decree. You can expect half the summer if not a week or two more -- dad getting two weeks in the summer for vacation with the children, Christmas OR Spring break, a long weekend every once in a while AND phone calls, and you may have to pay ALL transportation costs. Dad is entitled to ask you to pay child support.

You chose to move without thinking of how it would effect the children, didn't you?

You put your fiance ahead of your children? IF your fiance REALLY cared, he would not put you in that position.

 

[Dawn1231]

It took me two years to make the decision, so believe me there was LOTS of thought into it. It was not an easy decision by any means, but I was not making enough to make ends meet by any means so I had to move. I moved to a different area of the state for 3 years before moving out of state so I was already living away from them. My fiance's children lived in Indiana with their mother and he wanted to move here. I applied for a couple of jobs, and I actually ended up getting a GREAT job offer, making 12k more than I was making in Florida. So ultimately, I decided to move..... so no.... I did think about how it would effect them and it kills me every day.

As far as calls, I already speak to my children on a daily basis. When I lived in South Florida, i would attempt to call my ex and he would not pick up my calls so I would go sometimes 4 or 5 days without speaking to them, so I purchased a cell phone so that I could keep in contact with them without going through their father.

Part of the reason for the problems I have with him is that he is extremely bitter that I left him. And ever since he has made my life very difficult in many ways.... so that's why I wanted to know the typical visitation. I knew I wasn't going to get a 50/50 split, I just didn't know typical plans for others living in different states. And I do pay all transportation costs.

Thank you for your assistance. If anyone else has any input as well, i am willing to "listen"

 

[Ohiogal]

It took me two years to make the decision, so believe me there was LOTS of thought into it. It was not an easy decision by any means, but I was not making enough to make ends meet by any means so I had to move. I moved to a different area of the state for 3 years before moving out of state so I was already living away from them. My fiance's children lived in Indiana with their mother and he wanted to move here. I applied for a couple of jobs, and I actually ended up getting a GREAT job offer, making 12k more than I was making in Florida. So ultimately, I decided to move..... so no.... I did think about how it would effect them and it kills me every day.

great. And after all tha tyou put your fiance, HIS children, and your job BEFORE your children. In other words, those things had GREATER PRIORITY than your children.

As far as calls, I already speak to my children on a daily basis. When I lived in South Florida, i would attempt to call my ex and he would not pick up my calls so I would go sometimes 4 or 5 days without speaking to them, so I purchased a cell phone so that I could keep in contact with them without going through their father.

Okay. Expect the court to award you phone visitation at least a few times a week.

Part of the reason for the problems I have with him is that he is extremely bitter that I left him. And ever since he has made my life very difficult in many ways.... so that's why I wanted to know the typical visitation. I knew I wasn't going to get a 50/50 split, I just didn't know typical plans for others living in different states. And I do pay all transportation costs.

Well you will most likely CONTINUE to pay all transportation costs and maybe even child support according to guidelines.

I was not posting to be mean but that is at what you are looking.

 

[Ronin]

For Florida specific visitation guidelines refer to:

http://www.jud10.org/AdministrativeOrders/orders/Section5/Apps5-20.3/5-20-3.app4.pdf

This is not set in stone and is only the recommendation of Florida's 10th Judicial Circuit, but its reasonable and offers a good starting point if there are any disputes. It covers out of state visitation on page 13.

Beyond that, it is a good possibility you may be required to pay child support

 

[Dawn1231]

To Ohiogal

Maybe you didn't read my response first...and not that I need to explain myself to you, but I will. His children have NEVER been a greater priority. I moved away from the area, away from my children because I could not afford to live in the area my ex-husband lived. He was making well over 100k, I was making 32k. Rent in that area is about $1400 for a 2 bedroom apartment, more for 3 bedrooms and since the children are of opposite sex, I would have to get a separate bedroom for each.

I moved BEFORE I ever even met my fiance, I was already living 2 hours away from them. My company closed in Fort Lauderdale and though I was offered a position in Baltimore, I wanted to try to stick around and find a position locally so I could stay near my children. The job market at the time, and still now was absolutely horrible. So I moved to where I could find a job, making 30k. I would still drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back every other weekend twice a weekend to have my time with them and on the long weekends I would get them.....but because of the cost of gas I was driving myself into over 5k in credit card debt just to see them and it was only getting higher. I was offered a position in South Bend with a rate of 42k. In addition, the company I am working for will allow me to fly every few months to work out of their Fort Lauderdale location so that i can spend time with them while not using my vacation. This allows me to have more time off with them when they come here.

At the same time, their father was working for a company that told him they wanted to transfer him at the end of next quarter to Buffalo Grove, IL which is 2 hours away so it would be convenient when the transfer happened. I was already living 2 hours away, now it would be the same, only in a different state. That transfer was just cancelled 3 weeks ago.

You do not know the hell that I have been through with my ex, you do not know the mental torture I have endeared because he throws in my face how much more money he has. This was a HUGE decision that I did not want to do....and my children know that if they say they want to live with me, they can do so in the blink of an eye. I do not mind paying the transportation cost to get them, and I will gladly do it every moment I can.

I am not questioning phone visitation. Now that I have provided them with a cell phone, I speak to my children on average 1-5 times a day..... I speak to one or both of them in the morning while on their way to school and at the end of the day. For instance, today I have spoken to my daughter 6 different times. I have spoken to my son twice. I have access to their books for school and I go over my daughter's homework with her every night. If she has problems, especially with math, we go over it together. I speak to her teachers regularly, and I speak to her counselor regularly to ensure everything is going as best as possible.

So before you judge someone on their circumstances, remember in this forum you don't know everything that happened to make those decisions. All I WAS asking is what is the TYPICAL physical visitation for two parents who live in separate states.

great. And after all tha tyou put your fiance, HIS children, and your job BEFORE your children. In other words, those things had GREATER PRIORITY than your children.



Okay. Expect the court to award you phone visitation at least a few times a week.



Well you will most likely CONTINUE to pay all transportation costs and maybe even child support according to guidelines.

I was not posting to be mean but that is at what you are looking.

 

[Dawn1231]

Thank you, Ronin!

This is exactly what i was looking for.

For Florida specific visitation guidelines refer to:

http://www.jud10.org/AdministrativeOrders/orders/Section5/Apps5-20.3/5-20-3.app4.pdf

This is not set in stone and is only the recommendation of Florida's 10th Judicial Circuit, but its reasonable and offers a good starting point if there are any disputes. It covers out of state visitation on page 13.

Beyond that, it is a good possibility you may be required to pay child support

 

[Ohiogal]

So before you judge someone on their circumstances, remember in this forum you don't know everything that happened to make those decisions. All I WAS asking is what is the TYPICAL physical visitation for two parents who live in separate states.

Whatever. I answered you in a few posts. You don't like the answers. NOT my problem.

 

[Dawn1231]

I appreciated the answers regarding the visitation, what I didn't like was the judging of my circumstances and accusations