visitation

[fryziuk]

What is the name of your state? Illinois
I have sole custody of my 2 boys (9 & 10yrs). I am remarried, My ex is remarried. My ex and his wife are always taking me back to court, but dont follow court orders themselves. Ex) He didnt pay child support , day care for 6 weeks (laid off, receiving unemployment w/$8,000.00in bank) He took me to court for abatement, and increased visitation. After 10mos of continuances he had to pay me what he owed, but only 10%of my legal fees (even though he went againt court order), mediator saying he didnt deserve increased visitation because he doesnt use visitation he already has, judge granted him 1/2 Christmas, 1/2 Spring break, 2 weeks in summer when he works. Judge stated this was "typical" visitaion, even though I have sole custody. I have a court order stating we both have right to daily phone visitation. He has refused to allow me to speck w/my children. What should I do? I have 5 more days of this. Why do I have to abide by court orders, but he doesnt have too? Wife also threatens my life in front of my children when I have had to pick them up, and they want it written in this last court order w/change of visitation, that I am responsible for pick ups, I have refused, I dont know if the judge will agree w/me or not. I am wooried about my boys and want to talk to them, what should I do?

 

[hexeliebe]

He didnt pay child support , day care for 6 weeks (laid off, receiving unemployment w/$8,000.00in bank)

So? People have worries when they lose a job. It is your responsibility to take him back to court for the back child support, but honestly, six weeks is a joke.

He took me to court for abatement, and increased visitation.

Completely within his rights to do so. And visitation has absolutely nothing to do with support.

After 10mos of continuances he had to pay me what he owed, but only 10%of my legal fees (even though he went againt court order), mediator saying he didnt deserve increased visitation because he doesnt use visitation he already has, judge granted him 1/2 Christmas, 1/2 Spring break, 2 weeks in summer when he works. Judge stated this was "typical" visitaion, even though I have sole custody.

Visitation is a right and is not required to be exercised. You can't MAKE him use his visitation but you sure as hell can be hauled into court for contempt should you try to deny him his rights.

As for the increase granted by the judge, it IS typical.

I have a court order stating we both have right to daily phone visitation. He has refused to allow me to speck w/my children. What should I do?

And how long has this been going on? a few days? months? years? And why is it happening? Could it be they are not home at the times you call? Simply not getting to speak with the kids is not grounds to keep running to court unless it's a pattern of abuse.

I have 5 more days of this.

What does this mean?

Why do I have to abide by court orders, but he doesnt have too?

You BOTH do, he just has the cajones to haul you in front of a judge when you don't. Something you obviously don't feel the need to do.

Wife also threatens my life in front of my children when I have had to pick them up,

And of course you have proof of this.

and they want it written in this last court order w/change of visitation, that I am responsible for pick ups, I have refused, I dont know if the judge will agree w/me or not. I am wooried about my boys and want to talk to them, what should I do?

Get it written in a new order that the NCP shall pickup and deliver children to the CP residence. It's that simple.

Listen lady, I may be stating the obvious, but crap happens in divorce. And from the sound of your post, you are getting bent out of shape over things that you need to address in a very explicit court order.

And if you don't have an attorney, get one. You sound like you need a chill pill and it's called a LAWYER.

 

[fryziuk]

Hex?,
Your reply to my situation sounds deeply resentful, I am wondering why?? You dont know enough about me or my situaion to have such an attitude. But let me fill you in. My ex beat me for the first time when my son was 4 mos old and in my arms. I was pregnant w/my second child at the time. A security guard at a hotel jumped on him in the hall as he was punching me in the face and smashing my son. He was only given supervision for 1 year ( a driving offense) after I testified against him. He told me he would hunt me down and take my children and I would never see my children again. I put myself through Nursing school, and divorced him thinking I could now pay for some GREAT legal advice to help protect me and my children. Well, guess what, it seems there is none. Because my ex doesnt have to abide by anything in the divorce decree, all he gets is a slap on the wrist if that. Ex.) he allowed my then 5 yr old (while he was drunk-by his own admission) to ride a 4wheeler with no helmet, he almost lost his left eye after hitting a tree and rolling it. He refused my 6yr old medical attention when he was sick with a severe case of strep, and now my son may have to have open heart surgery for mitral valve replacement beacuse of his stupidity. DCFS says "it's not against the law to practice bad parenting" And as a matter of fact I had my attorney on my cell phone when his wife threatened my life, that is how I got a police report written up after the occurance. So "miss you must know everything" I have practiced proper procedures, it is not over petty things, it is called trying to protect your children, when all the attorney's and judges do is say "OH he wont do it again" and guess what...He does!! Big surprise. I wonder how you would feel if it were Your children???? Or better yet, if I took my job with the uncaring attitude you have. If I did people would die, and should I have your "Oh well, your whining attitude?" I wonder??? BUt thanks for all the concern about my kids!

 

[stealth2]

The law is very black & white. You need to prove every claim.

 

[fryziuk]

I have, with documentation. As a matter of fact I had the police come look at my son after his reutrn w/ a torn up face. DCFS was called and my ex admitted to lieing about what happened (He said he was running and fell) and to being drunk, even though the divorce decree states he cannot drink around my children because he is an alcoholic. But see his brother in law is a police officer, and so is his brother. So he gets away with alot. The first DCFS person called me the next day and said she couldnt take the case because she worked w/his brother and he could make things difficult for her. Great justice system, dont you think? and meanwhile my children are in the middle and I cant help them, and when I do, I get responses like yours, that say...Oh your'e overreacting. Well tell that to my son when they crack his chest open, and switch his heart over to a mechanical heart so they can do a vavle replacement, becuase no one would listen.

 

[stealth2]

And I said you're overreacting.... where? Care to show me, hon?

 

[fryziuk]

I wasnt addressing that to Stealth, I was addressing that to Hex, sorry for the confusion, next time I will put the name on top.

 

[3kidsmom]

Well tell that to my son when they crack his chest open, and switch his heart over to a mechanical heart so they can do a vavle replacement, becuase no one would listen.

I feel for your son, I myself have mitral valve stenosis, as well as a bicuspid aorta. However please remember that SOME heart anomalies can also be congenital. I would get a second opinion about valve replacement, there are drug therapies that manage the effects of cardiac issues effectively.


As for the rest of your post... sounds like you are divorced. Remember THAT is the person you CHOSE to have not ONE but TWO children with.

 

[fryziuk]

3kidsmom,
I did choose to marry him, I did not choose for him to beat me up, verbally and mentally abuse me or my children, and when he did I left. The best thing for my children. I know you must hear this all the time, but I believe he is truly evil, I dont mean "Oh I am mad and I am calling him names"...I cant imagine doing the things he has done to my children. He lied to the catholic church, (actually he and his wife), told them I was dead and the boys lived with him and his wife, so they could go to CCD on thursdays,when he has them (4-7pm). I called the church with questions, I am not catholic, and the director asked me to bring in my divorce decree. She apologized and told me how they lied, and that he and his wife told her to her face that I was dead. Can you understand how hard that is to deal with?