Visitation

[worriedIL]

What is the name of your state? IL

My bf's ex is getting married in June. She advised him that she is going to be away for 10 days on her honeymoon and is giving him the option to exercise his first right of refusal. Now this year is the year he gets to choose his summer vacation. Of course the ex would prefer we take our vacation with the child while she is on her honeymoon. Unfortunately for the ex, we cannot take our vacation during her honeymoon because our boss will be out of town at that time. This might actually make more sense. Ok the ex is going away 6/29-7/5/2006. We have the daughter for that time under first right of refusal, and the 4th of July is his holiday too. We had already planned our vacation for 7/5-7/12. Due to our work schedules. This means we will have the child for almost 3 weeks. The ex is freaking out stating we are being malicious by trying to keep her child from her. This is not the case, just so happens to be the way things worked out. She is claiming to take him to court over this. Under the JPA it says each parents summer vacation includes 5 consecutive days not including the parents regularly scheduled weekend. If we do our trip 7/5-7/12 it will be six days, but since we have the child on 7/5 due to the first right of refusal, are we "voilating" anything? Im thinking we are not. Hope I didnt confuse anyone. Besides this would never get to court by june anyways!

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? IL

My bf's ex is getting married in June. She advised him that she is going to be away for 10 days on her honeymoon and is giving him the option to exercise his first right of refusal. Now this year is the year he gets to choose his summer vacation. Of course the ex would prefer we take our vacation with the child while she is on her honeymoon. Unfortunately for the ex, we cannot take our vacation during her honeymoon because our boss will be out of town at that time. This might actually make more sense. Ok the ex is going away 6/29-7/5/2006. We have the daughter for that time under first right of refusal, and the 4th of July is his holiday too. We had already planned our vacation for 7/5-7/12. Due to our work schedules. This means we will have the child for almost 3 weeks. The ex is freaking out stating we are being malicious by trying to keep her child from her. This is not the case, just so happens to be the way things worked out. She is claiming to take him to court over this. Under the JPA it says each parents summer vacation includes 5 consecutive days not including the parents regularly scheduled weekend. If we do our trip 7/5-7/12 it will be six days, but since we have the child on 7/5 due to the first right of refusal, are we "voilating" anything? Im thinking we are not. Hope I didnt confuse anyone. Besides this would never get to court by june anyways!

I don't think it would be considered a violation due to the fact that he will have the child on 7/05 due to actions on HER part, that he has no control over.

 

[NotSoNew]

well he has her the first week because he is exercising his FROR, but he wont be on vacation so where will the child go that week?

 

[Zephyr]

well he has her the first week because he is exercising his FROR, but he wont be on vacation so where will the child go that week?

that has nothing to do with the question asked

 

[nextwife]

If he exercises his ROFR, it is NOT an exchange of time, it is ADDITIONAL time. Having his child during that time, if he chooses, has no bearing on his own visitation schedule and vacation plans.

Sounds like his ex is misunderstanding ROFR.

And if Dad was already exercising his vacation choice for a different week, Mom had the option of choosing THAT week for her honeymoon. I know lots of people who did not to on their honeymoons until a few weeks or months following their weddings.

 

[NotSoNew]

that has nothing to do with the question asked

my point was, if he is exercising ROFR he should have the child, not be sticking the child in daycare or with someone else. FROR is if HE wants to take the child, if he cant, the he shouldn't get it.

 

[Zephyr]

my point was, if he is exercising ROFR he should have the child, not be sticking the child in daycare or with someone else. FROR is if HE wants to take the child, if he cant, the he shouldn't get it.

yeah for like 3 hours maybe- this is a WEEK so even if kiddo is in daycare that week he still gets- dainner, bath, bedtime, breakfast with DAD, a parent

or do you have a better solution for this scenario????

 

[worriedIL]

Thank you all for your responses. I think I got my question answered. Also the ex just called him this morning, polite as ever asking if we can please change our vacation so she won't be without her daughter for 3 weeks, and if not, then I guess there's nothing left to be done. WOW she's so smart! Again thank you all for all your help.

 

[nextwife]

my point was, if he is exercising ROFR he should have the child, not be sticking the child in daycare or with someone else. FROR is if HE wants to take the child, if he cant, the he shouldn't get it.

Excuse me. but doesn't CP get to have most evenings/weekends with their child even if the kiddo is in school or day camp during the day?

 

[worriedIL]

Also, during our time over ROFR the child will be with us, and other family members/cousins. It's summer time. She will not be in daycare at all. Besides my bf's work schedule is that, he has a 3 hour break from 12-3pm. Since we live 5 minutes from work, and other family members, my bf will spend those 3 hours during his break from work with his child. Hope that clears up anyone's concerns.

 

[worriedIL]

re: nextwifes post. Im confused! Im not sure what you guys are talking about. Yes CP does get most of that time.

 

[eme76]

my point was, if he is exercising ROFR he should have the child, not be sticking the child in daycare or with someone else. FROR is if HE wants to take the child, if he cant, the he shouldn't get it.

so...mom should just take the child on her honeymoon
: (just to make sure nobody misunderstands this is not actuay what i think should happen i am being sarcastic)

 

[worriedIL]

HAHAHAHHA! We told the ex, if she was so concerned then she should take the daughter with, and when we get married, the same situation may arise. It's NOT the end of the world. The mother is telling the 6 YEAR OLD CHILD that we are taking the child away from her mother for 3 whole weeks. The mother is telling us she is going to try to make sure the child is miserable when we have her, and only missing her mother. Talk about sick! The funny things is yesterday was our day to have the little girl and her and i were laying together watching tv and she was telling me to tell her of the things we were going to do on her vacation and how she is excited!!!!!!!! I didnt tell my bf because I can careless what the mother thinks. Im just glad the child is adjusting well, and not letting her mothers words get to her, TOO much.

 

[Zephyr]

re: nextwifes post. Im confused! Im not sure what you guys are talking about. Yes CP does get most of that time.

she was pointing out to another poster that dad should have the time


one thing dad MAY want to do, is when mom gets back from honeymoon let daughter go over for a day or weekend, he certainly is not obligated to, but kiddo might like to see mom and it would promote good feelings from mom....just an idea

 

[worriedIL]

Well it just so happens that we are coming back on a wednesday, and thursdays are his day. That weekend is the mothers weekend. The mothers asking to get the child a day before, but he's not agreeing to it. The mother is NEVER EVER flexible with him, and he's refusing to give up anytime that is allowed to him. I guess that probably isn't having the childs best interest at heart, but the child NEVER asks for her mom when we have her, NEVER asks to call her mom. When the mom calls, she tells the mom that she's busy now and she'll see her sunday night. THIS IS A 6 YEAR OLD child that says this. It blows me away. She loves her father very much, and cherishes the time she has with him, as he does with her. It's actually quite amazing. Everytime he tells they have to get ready to go, she gets very upset and asks if she can stay longer. Not sure what the underlinining meaning of all that is, but Im sure the child will be ok for that time without her mother. And she'll have contact with her mom on the phone, its not like we wont let her speak to her mom for 3 weeks. And when we go places, I always ask my bf's daughter is she wants to pick up a gift for her mom.