Visitation

[kstxccc]

What is the name of your state? KS

Currently we reside in KS, and my husband's ex lives in TX. We have joint custody of the children with us being the custodian parent. A court order was put in place Nov. 2005 for a modification of residence as well as a visitiation schedule. The ex seems to follow whatever guideline she wants and we have to adhere to it (or so it seems). Everytime she makes a change, we have to adjust everything in our lives to meet her needs. I guess my question is, how long do we have to continue to adjust everything just because it doesn't fit into her schedule to have the children the full amount of parental time? She is constantly wanting to bring the kids home early. With her living in TX, it makes it even harder because we have to adjust everything to meet her half way. She currently is unemployed and we both work. It is getting frustrating changing every time it is her time to have the kids. We are at a loss and do not know what else to do. Any advise would be helpful.

Thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

The law does not require her to exercise her full visitation. Therefore there is no way that your husband can force her to take all of the time she is entitled to take.

 

[kstxccc]

If she does not take the full visitation time, can we have the order modified to make it her responsibility to visit the kids? I don't want to sound like we don't want to meet her, it is just harder on our end to make last minute adjustments. If we could modify the court order, what would be the best way to do it?

She is just a very pushy person and always has to have things done her way. It is very upsetting to the kids too when she doesn't want them the full time she is required to have them. That makes it even harder on everyone. If we were able to modify the order to make it her responsibility to make the trip to KS to visit, it might make her realize that she is responsible for the kids too. She doesn't want to take any responsibility for either of them and it is just very upsetting. Both have expressed their concern that their mother doesn't love them.

We just don't know what else to do. We have tried to communicate with her, but she continually replies with rude remarks and is very vindictive.

Thank you for your advice!

 

[Neal1421]

If she does not take the full visitation time, can we have the order modified to make it her responsibility to visit the kids? I don't want to sound like we don't want to meet her, it is just harder on our end to make last minute adjustments. If we could modify the court order, what would be the best way to do it?

She is just a very pushy person and always has to have things done her way. It is very upsetting to the kids too when she doesn't want them the full time she is required to have them. That makes it even harder on everyone. If we were able to modify the order to make it her responsibility to make the trip to KS to visit, it might make her realize that she is responsible for the kids too. She doesn't want to take any responsibility for either of them and it is just very upsetting. Both have expressed their concern that their mother doesn't love them.

We just don't know what else to do. We have tried to communicate with her, but she continually replies with rude remarks and is very vindictive.

Thank you for your advice!

Who created the distance between the two homes?

 

[kstxccc]

She did. Her husband moved to TX and she stayed here for 4 months after he moved. She then decided to move to be with him. She had custody of our son and we had custody of our daughter. She tried to take our son with her, but then decided to leave him with us and move to TX anyway. The modification to the visitation order was everything she wanted. We agreed to the order so that we could have our son with us. She has since then changed every visitation that we have had. She hasn't complied with the order that she wanted implemented. It is just frustrating.

Another factor that concerns us is that our son is Diabetic and she does not care for him the way she should. While he is in her care, his is consistantly high which has caused his eye sight to diminish and his teeth to become rotten. She had residential custody of him after the divorce and now that we have had him almost a year, his diabetes has become stable. It is a big concern of ours and we have addressed the issue with her over and over again. She doesn't seem to care and will not cooperate with anything we try to do to assist with his condition.

It just seems there should be something we can do to make the situation easier on everyone not just her.

 

[LdiJ]

I honestly don't know if there any anything that you can do to improve the situation.

However, give us a really specific example of how she has switched things around and maybe we might have some suggestions.

 

[kstxccc]

For Thanksgiving, she dropped them off early because she didn't want to make an additional trip to meet half way. For Christmas Break, she was supposed to have them until Jan. 2. She had us pick them up in TX on Dec 31 and we live in KS. For her Spring Break visit, she came into town early and wanted us to pick them up from her mom's house because she left them with her parents. For Easter, she was supposed to pick them up from us, instead we had to drop them off at her mom's house (40 miles away) and pick them up from her mom's house. For her June visit, she was supposed to have them the full month of June, but didn't want to take them on a trip with her to Virginia. So she had us pick them up earlier. She said technically she had had them 30 days.
She is constantly changing the meeting place and has on occasion been late dropping them off.
She refuses to pay medical support saying that she is not required to pay it, but in the divorce order it states child support and medical support are two different things. When we send an update of what we have spent medically for our son, she tells us that we are harassing her.
We just don't know what to do anymore. It just seems like we have adjusted our whole life around her and her move and want to know what we can do legally about it.

 

[CandiceH]

I honestly dont think there is anything you can legally do about it. It is all a part of learning to adjust. I can sympathize with you but with all the research I have done on the same subject, you arent going to get anywhere. You may as well grin and bare it.

 

[rockfordgirl]

stepmom should step back

For Thanksgiving, she dropped them off early because she didn't want to make an additional trip to meet half way. For Christmas Break, she was supposed to have them until Jan. 2. She had us pick them up in TX on Dec 31 and we live in KS. For her Spring Break visit, she came into town early and wanted us to pick them up from her mom's house because she left them with her parents. For Easter, she was supposed to pick them up from us, instead we had to drop them off at her mom's house (40 miles away) and pick them up from her mom's house. For her June visit, she was supposed to have them the full month of June, but didn't want to take them on a trip with her to Virginia. So she had us pick them up earlier. She said technically she had had them 30 days.
She is constantly changing the meeting place and has on occasion been late dropping them off.
She refuses to pay medical support saying that she is not required to pay it, but in the divorce order it states child support and medical support are two different things. When we send an update of what we have spent medically for our son, she tells us that we are harassing her.
We just don't know what to do anymore. It just seems like we have adjusted our whole life around her and her move and want to know what we can do legally about it.

legally, you can do NOTHING. if this go to court, and you refer to the child as "our" son, the judge will not be amused. you are legally nothing here. your husband has joint custody with his ex, you have nothing. you need to step back and let your husband deal with the mother of his children, which you are not. your involvement will not look good for your husband should it ever go to court. there is no "we" when it comes to these kids. theres only your husband, the father, and his ex, their mother.

 

[LdiJ]

For Thanksgiving, she dropped them off early because she didn't want to make an additional trip to meet half way.

So how did that hurt your husband?

For Christmas Break, she was supposed to have them until Jan. 2. She had us pick them up in TX on Dec 31 and we live in KS.

Your husband could have refused to pick them up...early...in TX

For her Spring Break visit, she came into town early and wanted us to pick them up from her mom's house because she left them with her parents.

Your husband could have refused to do so....although I don't know why he would.

For Easter, she was supposed to pick them up from us, instead we had to drop them off at her mom's house (40 miles away) and pick them up from her mom's house.

Your husband could have refused to comply with that.

For her June visit, she was supposed to have them the full month of June, but didn't want to take them on a trip with her to Virginia. So she had us pick them up earlier. She said technically she had had them 30 days.

Again, your husband could have refused to comply

She is constantly changing the meeting place and has on occasion been late dropping them off.

Your husband doesn't have to agree to change the meeting place.

She refuses to pay medical support saying that she is not required to pay it, but in the divorce order it states child support and medical support are two different things. When we send an update of what we have spent medically for our son, she tells us that we are harassing her.

Your husband can file for contempt on that issue.

We just don't know what to do anymore. It just seems like we have adjusted our whole life around her and her move and want to know what we can do legally about it.

Sounds to me like your husband is doing lots of things that is doesn't have to do.

 

[kstxccc]

Thank you for all of your comments.

I realize that as a step-mother, I do not have any legal ground. We have been to court in front of a judge and the judge has told all us that we all had responsibilities as their parent/step-parent. Also, during mediation, (a former judge) wanted me involved with the decision making process because I was an important part of the kids lives. I may not have a legal bond to them, but I am responsible to them as their step-parent.

During the court hearing, I did not get in the way or refer to the children as mine. The judge made the comment that all parents needed to be involved and attend classes to help with parenting issues including both step-parents. I do love these children very much and even though I am not their biological mother, I do refer to them as my kids too because of the love I have for them. I have a child from another father and I know how it feels to be a mother. I would never try to replace their mother nor could I. I have not done anything to impede this case and I am not trying to now. I was just getting some information in regards to what legal ground we have.

As far as my husband is concerned, if he doesn't comply with her requests, she will leave them with someone else and make it our responsibility to pick them up. She has tried this on many occassions. We have been informed that in order to "not stir the pot", it would be easier to just agree. Even though it has caused our situation to be harder, we would do anything for our kids. We do not like to see them upset. We just were not sure if there was anything legally we could do to make her comply with the order she had implemented.

If there is no legal ground for us to stand on, then we can deal with that. We just wanted more information just to make sure there wasn't something else we could do to help our case.

Again, I appreciate your replies and now know there really isn't a whole lot we can do.
Thanks again.

 

[ceara19]

She is just a very pushy person and always has to have things done her way.

She doesn't want to take any responsibility for either of them and it is just very upsetting.

Both have expressed their concern that their mother doesn't love them.

We have tried to communicate with her, but she continually replies with rude remarks and is very vindictive.

Another factor that concerns us is that our son is Diabetic and she does not care for him the way she should.

While he is in her care, his is consistantly high which has caused his eye sight to diminish and his teeth to become rotten.

She doesn't seem to care and will not cooperate with anything we try to do to assist with his condition.

if he doesn't comply with her requests, she will leave them with someone else and make it our responsibility to pick them up.

If all of the above information is true, why in the world would you want to know this?:

If she does not take the full visitation time, can we have the order modified to make it her responsibility to visit the kids?

There is no way that I would want to send my children somewhere that they are unwanted and unloved to spend time with a pushy, rude, vindictive, irresponsible person that doesn't even care if the child slips into a diabetic coma and dies.

 

[kstxccc]

If it were up to me, I wouldn't allow them to see her either, but it isn't up to me. We tried to prove her unfit in the first custody hearing, but it didn't seem that the judge even reviewed the doctor disposition we had which stated that while in her care his readings were not as good as they were while in our care. She lied more than once on the court stand and the judge even caught her in one and didn't do anything. We have to allow her to see them according to the order we have right now. I wish it were different, but it isn't.

The reason for wanting the visition to occur in KS, is so that if she decides to make changes, it will be her responsibility to bring them home or pick them up, since she can not follow the order that is in place right now. If it were her responsibility, it would make it easier on everyone, since she is the one that moved to TX and continually adjusts the schedule to meet her needs.

As far as the diabetes goes, we have tried everything we know to help her realize the importance of his diabetes, but she refuses to do anything. She is supposed to attend his diabetic appointments and has not attended even one this year. He has one every 3 months. She is too busy according to the kids to make it to his next appointment, but she is still suppose to travel half way on the same day to pick them up for her visitation. Don't know why she can't make it that same morning for his diabetic appointment.

Sorry, didn't mean to make this a venting venue. I was just looking for some legal advice on how to make her comply with the order that is in place right now.

Thank you for your time.