VOP please help

[quincy]

Drugs, alcohol, and a violent temper do not a good boyfriend make.

 

[sadinFL]

Quote: "so it's all really sad and confusing and I'm not used to any of this kind of stuff."

The voice of experience here tells you, if you do not want to get VERY used to this sort of stuff, get rid of this boyfriend from your life, no matter how good he looks and talks and acts, and how you think you really really can fix this with your help and your love and good management of his life. Don't have any children with him, okay?

This poor boy has got a serious addiction problem, and you will learn all about this in a few years if you hang around. And you'll be coming on sites like this and telling people like yourself to RUN, though they probably will not listen. In AA they say, jails, institutions and death are the inevitable outcome of an addiction such as your poor boyfriend has. If he can't deal with it, offers a hundred and three bad sad reasons why he has been forced by life to do these things he does, including a momma who gives him v's while he's on probation, you will have a long hard life of learning about it, you'll end up with an attorney on speed dial, and a great familiarity with the local jails. P.S. "quit doing everything" but not quit drinking alcohol means he hasn't quit being an addict. And addicts and alcoholics go to jail. It is inevitable. You may want to drop into a local Al-Anon meeting before you get too involved, and listen to people who've been dealing with this sort of life for forty years or more. Please run away.

I was honestly waiting for A comment like this. And I wanted you to know that I totally understand where you're coming from. but just wanted to let you know that I'm not a young kid who doesn't know what's going on and thinks that love can win overall and if I keep my eyes closed that I can just ignore everything that's going on. I'm 42 years old and we've been together for 2 years. I also know all of his past history because I've seen it. And frankly there's not much there. No he hasn't had the easiest of lives nor has he had the best of lives. And I'm not giving any excuses for anything that he has done. And I really do appreciate your concern. But I also know that not everybody who is an addict is in a lifelong addict. My own father was a drop-down drunk alcoholic who Went to rehab and got his life together that my mother and he turned his entire life around. He's now in his seventies and for probably the last 20 years or so they enjoy wine and occasional other drinks but he's not addicted nor does he ever get drunk. Some of my closest friends used to be drug addicts gave it up years ago and have never touched it since. Some of them can drink alcohol responsibly and they do and some of them can't so they don't. And I have seen people including relatives kill themselves because of their drug addiction. my boyfriend had a drug addiction years ago that he kicked and he had a relapse last year that he also kicked. people mess up and people make mistakes and people fall and people get back up. If I thought that this is something that would consume our entire lives then yes I would have no problem moving on. Do I see somebody that I love struggling with something who is actively working to fix the situation? Yes. And I'm not ready to give up on him. I hear what you're saying and I understand it but it's not really that tragedy of the situation. I'm fully aware that it could become that. But at this point I'm too far in and yet not far enough in at the same time to throw away what we have. and I'm sorry if the last couple of posts that I've made seems strange because I'm using speak to text and I don't have time to proofread them.

 

[sadinFL]

Drugs, alcohol, and a violent temper do not a good boyfriend make.

Well just to clarify as far as I know he's been off drugs for quite a while. A random Valium does not mean he's doing drugs. He just shouldn't have taken it while he's on probation. The alcohol saying may or may not be an issue. I really don't know. He's definitely not somebody who is a silly you're funny drunk. Like me when I've been drinking I am usually a very shy and reserved person and when I drink I become rather outgoing and I get silly. He tends to get angry. He does have a temper. He is Greek and Armenian and I think he comes by it honest. LOL! But he's like a firecracker. He blows his top usually just yelling and cussing and then he calms down. He's not violent or aggressive in any way that I've seen in two years. This occasion happened because he was drinking and he was attacked by a dog he then punched to get the dog off of him and then the owner attacked him. And I know all this is true I've seen the police report. and the only reason that other guy didn't go to jail is because his brother was one of the responding police officers. But he's definitely not going to back down from a fight. Not ever. But I have never seen him go after anyone. Even when he's drinking. He's never been violent with me. And I was married for 9 years to a man who was mentally, emotionally, financially, verbally, physically and sexually abusive. So I know all the signs for that. And not once have I ever felt anything but safe with him. He wasn't even trying to hurt the dog when he hit it he was just trying to get it off of his face. In fact animals absolutely adore him but come to find out the dog had a wound that he had accidentally touched when he was petting the dog and that's what caused the dog to attack. the only times I've ever seen him aggressive is when he's been upset with his brother and that was because his brother had beat up his wife. He has absolutely no patience for men who abuse women actually. I know because he's been arrested before assault and then he blew his probation within the first month or so that it seems like he's a dangerous guy but he's really not. He got in a bad situation and he certainly hasn't handled it well but he's really not a dangerous guy or evil.

 

[quincy]

You know the fellow and we only know him through what you tell us.

Let us know what the court decides.

 

[commentator]

I've got a couple more years on you, and I agree, let us know. The court will see it from their side, too. I do know that people who keep their anger penned up, and then can only let it out when they're intoxicated have to learn to deal with their feelings and work through their issues WITHOUT alcohol, or they really do see the inside of jails, institutions and end up dead. It takes lots of work on oneself. You could profit from some counseling, because your situation and your relationship here is NOT bringing you joy, argue though you may.

 

[quincy]

Anger management classes seem a must.

 

[sadinFL]

Just thought I would let y'all know that there is nothing new going on. All they decided last week was to push his court date until the 30th and they kept him.

 

[quincy]

Just thought I would let y'all know that there is nothing new going on. All they decided last week was to push his court date until the 30th and they kept him.

Thank you for the update.

 

[sadinFL]

He ended up with 30 days time served and has to do three years of community control. He got out Wednesday and was back at work on Thursday. He was going to NA meetings while still in jail and will continue them now that he is out.

 

[quincy]

He ended up with 30 days time served and has to do three years of community control. He got out Wednesday and was back at work on Thursday. He was going to NA meetings while still in jail and will continue them now that he is out.

Thank you for the latest update, sadinFL.

I hope the community supervision and NA meetings will be what it takes for him to avoid trouble in the future.

Good luck.