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Walk Away

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K

KCMR

Guest
What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am very recent to this board. (about 4 days or so) and I am sickened by all these parents who have just walked away????

And the excuses...???!?!? Like mother was brain-washing, or parents took the child off of me, or better yet my personal favorite I was too young.

I just don't get it. How do you walk away or give up on your children?

I have a six year old son, his father and I share custody exactly 50/50. Next Friday Sept 6th we go back to court again, for primary custody.
My stomach is in KNOTS with worry. I can't even fathom him not being with me or being involved in his school, daily life.

What could possibly cause a parent to give up their rights...or "sign off" on their own child?
 


Oh, I think the same could be said for people who have children and then get divorced, but hey, that's more than half the country. So, realistically speaking it is fairly obvious that the inability to commit to and get along with the other parent drives a wedge between all parties involved.

Given that every detail of every situation on this board is not known, it's probably wise not to pass judgment on the folks who "walk away." Some children may be better adjusted without the daily controversy, while others may not.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
soniasaini said:


Given that every detail of every situation on this board is not known, it's probably wise not to pass judgment on the folks who "walk away."

====================================


My response:

Why not? Some people come here for the specific purpose of being "judged", or by the "undercurrent" of their posts want to be judged - - whether or not they admit it.

Part of law is to be "judged" - - to be told that they are "right" or "wrong" about their way of thinking.

As a contributor to these forums, I believe that part of FreeAdvice is to also judge the people who come here - - and I will "mete out" any judgment I feel is necessary to make a writer "think."

Please, don't start spouting Biblical boloney or phrases to me either. Law, and law discussions, require a certain amount of judging, and being judgmental. There's nothing wrong with telling someone else what your "judgment" would be, or how to conduct themselves in civilized society. Spend a day or two on the Criminal Law forum, and you tell me that you wouldn't be judgmental.

IAAL
 
Nope, I'm not a judge and I'm certainly not one to judge others based on half-assed, poorly written renditions of popular soap opera themes that I often read on this forum. I'll leave that to you and your posse.

I found it ironic that the poster had obviously not been so altruistically concerned about her own marriage or "situation" in which her child is being raised, given that said child's parents are not together. Yet she condemns parents who "walk away" from children. Hello, what does divorce do to children? Nevertheless millions of couples with children are divorced. The poster must also condemn herself.

What biblical quotes were you anticipating? I don't know any that would apply?
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
My response:

"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

I get it all the time, especially from people in the Bible Belt.

Actually, you said something very similar when you said - -

"I'm not a judge and I'm certainly not one to judge others."

But, I am.

IAAL
 
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bugaboo

Member
my my you 2

I agree that if you post your "problems" for others to view that in essence, you are asking to be "judged". Isn't that what people are doing when the tell you their opinion?

As far as people with children and divorce. Well that is a whole other subject. I believe you, soniasaini are totally wrong in that aspect! Just because a husband and wife cannot get along and for what ever reason divorce, that by all means does NOT mean that they do not love and cherrish their children! What causes parents to "walk away" from their children? I have no idea. There are so many reasons! I'm not to say which is "right and wrong", but I do know that for MANY parents who divorce, they end up being closer to their children then when the parents were married! Reason for this, both parents feel "responsible" for hurting their child and therefore try to "make it up".

Please, DON'T EVER catagorize divorced parents with unloving parents. You could never be further from the truth. I am a divorced mother. My children's father and I share custody. I love my children SO very much. Being divorced from their father (who loves them very much) does not change how I feel about them.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
soniasaini said:
Oh, I think the same could be said for people who have children and then get divorced, but hey, that's more than half the country. So, realistically speaking it is fairly obvious that the inability to commit to and get along with the other parent drives a wedge between all parties involved.
Sounds rather judgemental to me. ;-)
 
Listen ladies...uh, duh! You are missing the point by getting the point. Yes, it is a judgment to make the statement about divoced people as much as it is a judgment to make the statement about parents who supposedly walk away. That's why I said that. That's why what the original poster said was silly.

It is common sense that parents splitting up hurts the kids. It is common sense that uninvolved parenting hurts the kids. The two are no different in degree. Parents can be married and one can be uninvolved with the children. All of these parents suck. So what?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Actually, I think you missed the point of the original post. Which I read as asking what goes on in the heads of parents who do walk away from their kids - it's unfathomable to me, as well. I can't think of anything or anyone that would cause me to do it - if my ex had custody, I would make sure that I was as involved a parent as possible - even if it meant picking up and moving to where they were.

Saying one doesn't understand people's mindset isn't necessarily judging them. And there's no reason to be rude. Make it a great day.
 

haiku

Senior Member
I am married to an NCP, a few years ago, mom decided my husband didn't need to see his kids anymore if it was not on her terms. It was a 6 month battle and nearly culminating in my husband giving up his rights, he was hospitalized and had to take anti-depressants. I would like to think most of the posters contemplating this, were like him, and had reached a brick wall, and will come to thier senses eventually. (but I know that is not always the case)

When we made it to court, (we were going for better visitation-she wanted sole custody-no visitation, and MORE support) she thankfully got tossed out of court, and he got his visits and more back. Due to the fact she only got a slap on the wrist, she still occassionally plays games, but at least my husband knows what his rights are, and if she takes it to far what he can do.

he missed 6 months of his kids lives, he can never get back his youngest's 6th birthday, etc... the kids were(are) confused and it is so sad thier mother, cannot move on in her life and continues to use her most cherished possesions as a weapon against my husband, who has really done nothing to her to deserve this treatment. (other than being a symbol of all she lost, when she was unfaithful)

I think parents on this forum who play games and demand to be the all powerful parent, are just as shocking as parents who contemplate giving up thier children.

this forum can really be a very sad place sometimes, I hope I can help at least steer people in the right direction.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
My response:

. . . and sometimes, it's just a matter of "paternal" or "maternal" instinct. Some people just don't have any.

They see abandoning a child as no more or no less than abandoning a vehicle.

IAAL
 

bugaboo

Member
I agree with Haiku

and IAAL. We too were in a simular situation as Haiku and her hubby. Ex tries SO hard to keep kids away, it all seems so hopeless, then he comes to his sences and fights! I believe some fathers (and mothers) are basically "forced" out of the childrens lives. It's really sad. Sometimes I actually get teary eyed reading some of these posts.

But than again, IAAL is right too. Some "parents" just don't care. That is so sad. I get angry when I read posts of "how do I terminate my parental rights". If the guys didn't want to be fathers, they should have kept there pants on. And if women don't want to be mothers, they should've kept their legs closed. It's quite simple.

But I will say this again. Just because parents get a divorce, that does not put them in the catagory of wanting to "walk away".
You made that statement, you cannot change what you said. It's not that "we don't get it", you said it. Point blank.
 

haiku

Senior Member
I AM ALWAYS LIABLE said:
My response:

. . . and sometimes, it's just a matter of "paternal" or "maternal" instinct. Some people just don't have any.

They see abandoning a child as no more or no less than abandoning a vehicle.

IAAL
nothing like hitting a nail on the head......
 

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