Wanting to change child's school .....

[mdailey]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina.

Divorced parents with 10-yr old son. Mother has primary physical custody w/joint custody concerning health, education & well-being of the child. We split visitation 50/50. I want to put the child in a different school system for grades 6-12 that has higher standards of learning and my son wants that also. The father is against it. What can I do to make this happen for the well-being of the child and not the selfishness of the father?

 

[FJ1200guy]

Well waitaminute... will this move affect the Dads visitation in any way? How far is the school? What would the financial difference be? How long has the child been going to his current school? What makes you think the new school is better? I'm not ready to believe the Dad is being selfish yet...

Notify the court and Dad at least 30 days in advance of the move, and it will be up to him to petition the court to stop you, I believe. Then it'd be up to the judge.

 

[ellencee]

mdailey
Get out your copy of the order and read/post the terms. The courts know divorced parents can't agree on major or minor issues or they wouldn't be divorced! As far as I know, in NC, the tie-breaker goes to the parent with primary physical custody; that's the whole purpose of making one parent 'primary'. The 50/50 deal is to make sure that each parent has input into the decision and can not be unilaterally overruled and denied input and the right to make some decisions, ie. you can't put your child in private school and send the father a bill each month for half of the costs. This is public education, is it not? Therefore, there is no unfair burden placed on the father unless it interferes with his participation in the child's education and life.

If you have primary physical custody, you can move the child to a different school system as long as it does not interfere with the court ordered visitation with the father. If the child lives with you 50% of the time and with the father 50% of the time and that is not in the court order but is a verbal agreement, then ask the father which he would prefer--taking the child to the new school or following the court-ordered visitation schedule.

You need to be sure that you are moving the child to another school because of valid, educational enhancing opportunities. It is easy to check the 'scores' on those stupid tests that education revolves around. Be sure the school actually does perform higher on those tests before you are willing to stand firm on this issue.

EC

 

[stealth2]

An excellent resource for comparing school districts (and individual schools w/in a district) is http://www.greatschools.net/ You cannot compare schools in different states, but w/in a state it's very useful.

Apart from that - what ellencee said.

 

[mdailey]

Change school of 10-yr old

Thanks for the input! My son has been in his current school system from K - 5th grade; I am driving him 30-minutes to get there and the school is 10-minutes from his dad. If we change schools it will be 20-minutes for me and it's in the same city that his dad works in and he would have to make an effort to bring our son to me to catch a ride to school or take him himself. This change doesn't have to change our visitation schedule at all if his dad is willing to make some changes. I have adjusted my schedule for the past 2-years to keep him in his current school just so his dad and his family wouldn't have to change anything. I'm going to do research to see if this new school will be better educationally for the child. Both schools are county schools, but his current school is in a very poor & much smaller county.

 

[ellencee]

mdaily
I didn't think to tell you that the school system will want the child enrolled in the school system of the primary parent's residence... but, the school system is not going to serve in the capacity of settling a dispute between parents.

EC

 

[stealth2]

ellencee - also remember that some areas have school choice and parents can enroll the child out of district w/o financial penalty.

 

[ellencee]

stealth2
Well, sure; but if school A is overcrowded and it is discovered that the child should have been in school B where there is no overcrowding, then the child will not be allowed enrollment even with a fee. There is even more; it has political issues and constitutional issues. School Board positions are elected positions, so intentional allowing of residents to cross school system boundaries has been found to be a violation of voting rights as it places children in school systems where the parents have no voting rights and it encourages a loss of voting by and for certain ethnic groups. I just went for the simple answer and didn't go here!

EC

 

[mdailey]

changing son's school...

ellencee......
Thanks for all the info.........Technically I should be paying for him to attend his current school because I am primary and he is attending out-of-state. His father is looking into a private school; I don't think he should send our son to a school where he knows no one and he would just to spite me. He has a tendency not think about what's in the best interest for the child, but what's best for him. You have no idea how selfish this man is & I didn't realize he was that bad until we separated. A whole different side of this man emerged and I'm afraid our son will suffer in the long run. Is there anyway I can take this school matter to court??? I do hate to pay legal fees to settle this, but I don't want to put our son through any more stress than he has already experienced since we divorced.

 

[ellencee]

mdailey
Holy Toledo! You sure caught me off guard with that one--your child's been going to school out of state? Please tell me it isn't in his father's state of residence and the child spends equal time with you and with the father. The child's report cards didn't go to the father's address, did they?

I am afraid your ex knows exactly what he is doing and that he has established residency for your child in the other state and a court may allow those circumstances to show that you have given primary physical custody to the father.

How on earth are you going to explain to a NC school system that you have allowed a resident of NC to attend a school in another state without the other state's knowing the child belonged in a NC school?!

I sincerely and strongly suggest that you make an appointment with a family law attorney in your area and get some legal advice.

EC

 

[stealth2]

I have to agree with ellencee. You may have backed yourself into a very nasty corner with this one.

 

[mdailey]

When we were married, our residence was in NC. The father still lives in "our" house with his new wife & I married and moved 30- minutes away just over the state line to VA. We kept the NC address on file at our sons school so he could continue where he began. Since being in VA, I've been very impressed with the schools here and the kids that attend them (especially in our neighborhood). I've been working 30-minutes from home just so he could stay in the same school system. If he changes schools, then I can find work locally. I have made many adjustments to keep things consistent for our son because my ex-husband & his family were afraid they wouldn't see him as much. They could continue to see him even if he changes schools because his father works in the same area - he would have to make some adjustments. Yes, we do have him on a 50/50 basis.....and I would like to keep it that way if possible, I feel like that's fair. I just feel so bad for our son - I hate for him to be so confused.

 

[stealth2]

Okay... so why is it okay for your son to change schools to one near where you live, but not okay for his Dad to want to change schools where he lives (ignoring the cost aspect for now)?

 

[mdailey]

stealth2
It is important because it "may" be a better school system.....I have to do my homework on that. If it's better for the child, and no one will suffer where visitation is concerned then what's the harm?

 

[ellencee]

It is important because it "may" be a better school system.....I have to do my homework on that. If it's better for the child, and no one will suffer where visitation is concerned then what's the harm?

mdailey

Even though this was posted to stealth2, I have an 'answer' and it's the basis for my concern.

Say Dad says, 'No, he isn't going to that school. He lives with me; he goes to school in my state. His report cards come to my address. Therefore, I have primary residential custody and you voluntarily gave it to me. Care to go to court and let a judge tell you who has primary residential custody now?'

What are you going to do then? You're either going to have agree that you did voluntarily give the father residential custody or you're going to have to admit that you broke the law by not paying out-of-state fees for your child to be in school in a state in which he did not reside.

You have put yourself into a vulnerable position if the father challenges your authority and takes you to court. I'm not saying it would be a slam-dunk for him in court, but it surely could be. That's why I say you need to talk with a family law attorney and get some legal advice BEFORE you take a stance on anything regarding the child or his education.

EC