Washing my hands...

[gonenuts72]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin
My daughter likes to hang around one particular girl who is handed everything by her dad and he lets her run around with a car he pays for and insurance he pays for. My daughter then likes to think that she is treated so unfairly by having to do the dishes once a day. OMG I had no idea how a 16 year old can turn the family upside down because life is inconveniencing her. She has a job yes. She is still in school yes. She graduates in the fall when she is only 17. Recently, she had a project to research at the library and dropped it to run with this friend of hers. I don't like her friend, my husband does not like her friend and when I told her we had plans for the afternoon, she grabbed her bathing suit and proceeded to walk out of the house. I told her not to come home if she walked outt he door. She didn't either. The friend called a bit later and asked what time I wanted her home. I did not return the call as I was waiting to hear from my daughter. I didn't hear from her for about 38 hrs. when I got a call from an old teacher at the school. My daughter was in another town, refused to come home and then stayed the night with the teacher. Can anyone help me with what we can do ? I have to drive her back and forth to work and we are supposed to jump for her everytime she wants something. All we ask is that she does dishes here. She's even rude and obnoxious and mean to her brothers and sisters. I can't stand this child being so unruly and acting up in front of the other kids while we are trying to raise them appropriatley. If I ask her to leave then she will go to foster care and in Wisconsin, you have to pay for the foster care and I refuse to do that for a child who is just wanting to roam on her own. Please does someone have some suggestions.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

She will have to do more than dishes if she is put in foster care or a group home. Call her bluff. Report her as a runaway. Let the teacher know you are doing this so the child will have an opportunity to return hom or turn herself in. Teenage rebellion is not uncomon and since she works, she has money to spend. She doesn't sound like a bad girl per se, she is just pushing the envelope, now it's your turn to push back.

 

[gonenuts72]

I forgot to mention that I have called her bluff before. She was in foster care a few years ago and ended up with a lovely family, that cost me a ton...but they had horses and raised dogs and had golf carts on their land etc... She had a wonderful time. I am afraid to call her bluff again.

 

[Ohiogal]

good grief. YOu are the mother. Call the police and report her missing as a runaway. ask them to bring her home and press charges against her for delinquency. Press charges against the teacher -- if the teacher doesn't return her -- for contributing to the delinquency of a minor (which could result in the teacher losing her license if she is convicted). Your darling brat can't cause trouble if she is sitting in juvie.

 

[BL]

It doesn't sound like She is going to change many habits .
If you don't want Her in foster care again , forgo pushing the dishes . Depending on the other kids ages they can help out .

Set some rules though . Curfew time for example . If She's not in by certain time , then inform Her after that time she can find alternative lodging for that night , and stick to it .

If She gets obnoxious , tell her She can go outside whatever until She can come back in and be somewhat respectable .

Remind Her of who's roof She is living under , and If it's not good enough , She is welcome to leave .

Also , remember it's the age of rebellion , and teens trying to find their nitch in life .

 

[gonenuts72]

Thank you all so far for the advice, as at this moment, I need more. Since the last reply, DHS called me and told me my daughter called them to head up a meeting with me cause she would rather be on the streets or hurt herself and go to the hospital. She was at work at the time.She told him I called her names and pushed her into a cabinet last week or something. He asked her if she had bruises or was injured and she said, "What, I have to have been injured?" lol. I told him I could not make it cause I had the 3 other kids with me and they have heard enough of this over the last 2 days. He said that as long as I was willing to let her home then he had no reason to be involved but be warned that she is threatening to do what she can to leave. She swore at him on the phone, at work mind you and then hung up on him. lol .She had on the calendar that she was off at 2pm and she told him 5. I went to her work at 1:30 and her boss couldn't even give me the time of day (they are usually very nice to me). I was forwarned by the teacher that she was planning on leaving between 2 and 5 before I came to get her. I was there and she told me she was a little busy so she went to walk away. I told her I was there to pick her up cause her shift was over at two and she denied it. Smarty me, had the calendar with me to show her in fact it was 2 o'clock and we were leaving. She is here now but I am not taking her to work tomorrow. I am not her personal chauffer but my hubby says that if she wants to go to foster care and we can't afford it, let her keep working and she can pay for it. Maybe when it's her own money, she won't want to go. She is here and I told her that she is to not have any contact with the other children, no phone and she does NOT have to do the dishes. She only wants a place to sleep and eat, that's what she is going to get. Does anyone have any other ideas or am I being to harsh or too lenient yet...

 

[BL]

If She starts threatening to harm herself or suicide , take her to the ER for a phyc. evaluation .
If She won't go with you call 911 . Sometimes teens do follow through with it .

It sounds like She should be into counseling . Let her cool her jets , but stick to your rules .

Have you considered or tried a Parent and daughter heart to heart talk about what's going on . If She opens up listen , let Her get it out . Then work on solutions .

 

[fairisfair]

OMG, she sounds just like every teenager I know. They all have no time for anything but their friends. and they are all obnoxious and rude. Maybe your daughter a little more so than others, but she is by no means a threat to society. No contact with her brothers and sisters? Yes, I would say that is just a tad bit extreme. So basically, what you are trying to tell her, is that she is no longer a member of the family? If that is not your message, then I would say that perhaps you are sending what you really mean, in a very poor manner. I have two teenagers of my own, and another one that lives with us. It isn't easy and they are like beings from another planet. Iron fists may work in some families but I sure as heck don't know any of them. Opening up lines of communication is going to be really hard because they are completely destroyed right now. I have to believe that you still love and want what is best for your daughter. You have to remember that even though she may look like a grownup now, she is really still a little girl and is acting out like a toddler! It will get better, . . . . . . . in about 5 years

 

[magic55]

How about you try this, be a parent! SHES ATEENAGER WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT?
Be thankful thats all she does.

 

[notsmartmark]

Report the teacher to the employing school district, and think about contacting the state school superintendent's office. There are soooo many things wrong with this situation. This teacher is a liability, and the school should know about the behavior.

 

[stealth2]

I'd stop and think before reporting the teacher. She DID call to tell you where the child was, and you apparently did nothing about it. How is that her fault?

 

[notsmartmark]

Am I missing something?

She has a job, and she's graduating early. She complains about doing dishes, and she doesn't get along with her siblings. She didn't want to do research at the library, and she left to go swimming.

What did you mean when you said, "When I told her we had plans for the afternoon, she grabbed her bathing suit and proceeded to walk out of the house." Did you want her to watch her siblings? Do her research?

When the friend called to ask when she could return home, you didn't return the call.

I doesn't sound like your daughter is hanging with too tough of a crowd. After leaving, this very bad influencing girl called you to ask when you wanted your daughter to return. When you didn't return the call, she didn't stay there. I'm assuming the family or friend indicated that she needed to return home.

When she couldn't stay there, she didn't end up at a flop house; she went to a house of a previous teacher. That doesn't sound like a girl that has gone too far over the edge with a group of out-of-control friends. As a side note: I still think the teacher should be reported. She isn't a neighbor; she is an agent of the school district.

Somehow she ended up at DHS. When they asked to mediate you said you could not meet, and that set your daughter off. When she said you called her names and pushed her into the cabinets, did you?

She returned home.

You went to pick her up, but are unwilling to drive her to work.

Kids are tough, and this is a tough age. I agree that this age will pass. This isn't a situation that there will be a winner and a loser, either you both find a way to win or you both continue down this path and both lose.

 

[jessi perez]

not all teens are brats just some

OMG, she sounds just like every teenager I know. They all have no time for anything but their friends. and they are all obnoxious and rude. Maybe your daughter a little more so than others, but she is by no means a threat to society. No contact with her brothers and sisters? Yes, I would say that is just a tad bit extreme. So basically, what you are trying to tell her, is that she is no longer a member of the family? If that is not your message, then I would say that perhaps you are sending what you really mean, in a very poor manner. I have two teenagers of my own, and another one that lives with us. It isn't easy and they are like beings from another planet. Iron fists may work in some families but I sure as heck don't know any of them. Opening up lines of communication is going to be really hard because they are completely destroyed right now. I have to believe that you still love and want what is best for your daughter. You have to remember that even though she may look like a grownup now, she is really still a little girl and is acting out like a toddler! It will get better, . . . . . . . in about 5 years

not me. i knew better then to pull that crap with my parents, they would not have tolerated that. we didnt have a say in the rules of the house, mom and dad's word was final, and we had to live with it wether we wanted to or not.

 

[stealth2]

not me. i knew better then to pull that crap with my parents, they would not have tolerated that. we didnt have a say in the rules of the house, mom and dad's word was final, and we had to live with it wether we wanted to or not.

Why the past tense, since you're the same age as this poster, too? Which would mean that you're governed by your parents' rules still - unless you've been legally emancipated...