what age can children speak their minds

[ky mom]

What is the name of your state? ky
on a different note than all my previous posts in other forums....i have two daughters, ages 13 and 10, their father is in prison for trying to kill me almost 12 years ago....in our divorce papers i am court ordered to make my girls visit him in prison.....twice a month as long as he was in the county jail and now that he is in a state pen....they have to go once a month....at what age can my girls say enough is enough and i do not want to go see him anymore? right now when they choose not to go their grandmother puts them on a guilt trip and threatens to have me thrown in jail if they don't go...i am tired of this being held over their heads....i want them to be able to choose whether or not they want to go see him and not be made to just so that i don't go to jail......any info would be greatlly appreciated

 

[Smarty Panties]

Is this something you agreed to or a judge actually ordered it? Seems odd that a judge would order children to visit a man convicted of attempted murder of their mother. Have you ever tried to modify the order?

 

[stealth2]

If it's a court order, then they go until they're 18 or the order is modified.

 

[ky mom]

Is this something you agreed to or a judge actually ordered it? Seems odd that a judge would order children to visit a man convicted of attempted murder of their mother. Have you ever tried to modify the order?

yes it was court ordered....why, i do not know....no....i haven't tried to have the order modified due to waiting on my girls to be able to make up their own minds about going to see him...not only that but i have always been afraid of his parents and afraid to fight with them over the whole thing....

 

[LdiJ]

yes it was court ordered....why, i do not know....no....i haven't tried to have the order modified due to waiting on my girls to be able to make up their own minds about going to see him...not only that but i have always been afraid of his parents and afraid to fight with them over the whole thing....

I am honestly amazed that it got ordered in the first place...particularly 12 years ago. Consult a local attorney. You will get the most clear-cut advice there.

 

[ENASNI]

well

I am honestly amazed that it got ordered in the first place...particularly 12 years ago. Consult a local attorney. You will get the most clear-cut advice there.

I am honestly amazed at the header of this thread...
My child spoke her mind from the first time she said NO... I think it was 9 months... and I couldn't wait for her to speak..

stupid stupid stupid..

Good luck.

 

[ky mom]

I am honestly amazed at the header of this thread...
My child spoke her mind from the first time she said NO... I think it was 9 months... and I couldn't wait for her to speak..

stupid stupid stupid..

Good luck.

yes i know that when a child learns to speak, they are definitely speaking their minds....but i also know that in the eyes of the courts(in ky) that a child must be a certain age before he/she is able to choose with whom they would like to live with (in the event the parents are divorced) i was just wondering if it was the same with visitation.

 

[ky mom]

I am honestly amazed that it got ordered in the first place...particularly 12 years ago. Consult a local attorney. You will get the most clear-cut advice there.

yes i agree with you on that one....it shocked me also....but when we were in front of the judge his words were....." i am a family man, i place alot on family values, and i think a child should have both parents to influence his/her life." well just how much of an influence can he make in prison? not much....as my children were growing up their grandmother had them convinced that their father was off working....now that they are older and can understand what he done to get himself locked up....she damns me to hell for being honest with them and telling them the truth about it....and now that they are older and can tell her no that they do not want to go see him, she makes them feel guilty or tells them that they can have me arrested because it is court ordered visitation....we are dealing with very manipulative people...

 

[casa]

yes i agree with you on that one....it shocked me also....but when we were in front of the judge his words were....." i am a family man, i place alot on family values, and i think a child should have both parents to influence his/her life." well just how much of an influence can he make in prison? not much....as my children were growing up their grandmother had them convinced that their father was off working....now that they are older and can understand what he done to get himself locked up....she damns me to hell for being honest with them and telling them the truth about it....and now that they are older and can tell her no that they do not want to go see him, she makes them feel guilty or tells them that they can have me arrested because it is court ordered visitation....we are dealing with very manipulative people...[/QUOTE]

Of course- and I'm sure their behavior led at least indirectly to the Xs control issues (You know the ones you didn't follow, which preceded his attempt on your life?)

I would petition the court for a modification based on the fact that the children are old enough to ask about their father's incarceration and the emotional impact it can and does have on them.

Thank God I don't live in Kentucky! No offense, but I have NEVER heard of a case like yours where a judge orders prison visitations to a parent who tried to murder the other parent...in fact in CA that situation is usually handled via restraining orders