What are my options?

[kb18]

Depends on whether she's considered disabled.

She's not disabled by any means. She's applied to the state of Kansas and California trying to claim mental instability to collect on SSI checks but they denied her. She does have 4 different mental diagnoses so it might change in the future that she becomes unstable. I spoke with her and she has said that if she didn't have our son to take care of she could work two full time jobs and be able to get by. Her story is going to change on her being capable of working to what ever authority she's talking to.

 

[HRZ]

You need paid counsel to get focused on the issues that count in your jurisdiction!

 

[kb18]

You need paid counsel to get focused on the issues that count in your jurisdiction!

I'll have to look into hiring one now that I can have some $ to pay for one.

Any ideas on what I can expect from her in the future? What she's able to do?

 

[Zigner]

Any ideas on what I can expect from her in the future? What she's able to do?

Realistically, how could we answer such an open-ended and vague pair of questions?

 

[kb18]

Realistically, how could we answer such an open-ended and vague pair of questions?

I guess you're right. I'm just kind of afraid. I dont want her tagging me for $4k a month regardless of whatever job i hold in the future and not allowing me to see my son.

 

[stealth2]

I guess you're right. I'm just kind of afraid. I dont want her tagging me for $4k a month regardless of whatever job i hold in the future and not allowing me to see my son.

To avoid the latter, you need a parenting time order from the court.

 

[LdiJ]

Right now i'm afforded the opportunity to deploy overseas in combat areas as a civilian contractor. This won't always be the case as the company i'm working with was just outbid on the contract. I might not have a job with this company in the next two years. It's all uncertain. I'm currently working 84 hous a week with bonuses that project me uptwards to $200,000 a year. This same job stateside is $70,000 a year.

I'm just not trying to get caught at $200,000 a year when if I won't be holding the same position. I also don't want to find myself in a position where I need to be overseas risking my life to maintain what price she wants to get me at.

As I explained before, child support is fluid and is designed to be modified if income significantly changes. If you return stateside and no longer make 200k per year you can file for a modification and get child support adjusted based on your actual income. As long as you do not voluntarily reduce your income child support will get changed. In this instance, returning stateside would not be considered a voluntary reduction.

Also, child support, if done properly is based on a state guideline calculation. Its not what "she wants" or you want either, its based on what the state calculates it should be. This is why I have suggested that you google a child support calculator for your area and run the numbers.

My desire is not to avoid paying anything to her. If there were a way where I could get custody of my son I wouldn't want any payment from her. Back in april through july she was saying I owe her $3k a month for alimony and child support. It came out to be that she wanted 85% of my salary before taxes.

This isn't a job that i'll enjoy having longevity in. Going to school is the better option.

However going to school rather than working is a voluntary reduction in income so you are quite likely to get imputed a higher income and have to pay more than you are paying now.

Again, stop negotiating child support. Have your attorney use the state guideline calculation and stick with that. It can be modified if things change in the future.

 

[LdiJ]

Well right now I don't have a home. I was discharged from the military and took up contracting. My mailing address that I've been using is a friends.

that's correct on the blackmail. I have her on sworn statements saying it was consentual but she could always make up a story since I did get discharged from the military from being accused.

She's ripping off the welfare system for sure. She lives in a small town and she does online classes for college. She is capable of full time employment at minimum wage. Her "hangup" is that she says she will work full time and not be able to pay for day care even though we agreed to pay 50-50 on day care.

Day care for infants IS quite expensive. If she is making minimum wage it very well could cost her the majority of her take home pay. Many primary caregivers of infants actually are better off financially if they do not work. As the child gets older it gets better because daycare costs reduce.

 

[HRZ]

Laymans suggestion...use counsel and shut up ...in particular shut up about high income you might have over the horizon ...it's not on the platter yet.

Your ex seems intent on ripping off the system ....don't get involved In her games ..with luck she will destroy her credibility all by herself. Let your lawyer address her credibility .

As an aside..what is her degree program and where is she along path to degree and what realistically are the employment options for that degree in that area ?

 

[kb18]

Laymans suggestion...use counsel and shut up ...in particular shut up about high income you might have over the horizon ...it's not on the platter yet.

Your ex seems intent on ripping off the system ....don't get involved In her games ..with luck she will destroy her credibility all by herself. Let your lawyer address her credibility .

As an aside..what is her degree program and where is she along path to degree and what realistically are the employment options for that degree in that area ?

It is on the platter, I am currently overseas. A big jump from being enlisted If I lose my secret clearance then it won’t be but that is good advice and I will take it. Thank you. She just finished her first year taking down generals. Her end goal is to be an anesthesiologist. Idk if she’ll achieve that. She would probably move but idk where to and when.. or even if.

 

[HRZ]

Just a lay comment...I'd avoid opportunities to pack in any extra hours for now lest they get factored in as part of your ability to pay CS. And be darn careful about future UNvested one time bonus situations ...they may or may not count as income once granted , for CS purposes in CA...ask counsel.

I'd be using counsel in CA pronto. I'm serious about you need to be asking counsel about her possible extortion/blackmail re you ....it's a big time problem for,her if her nasty mud sticks to her .

As an aside, her chosen speciality is one of the highest paid specialities ...way up there .....but if she gets convicted of a crime of moral turpitude then her ability to,get licensed is up in the air . She seems to have some "issues" as to credibility ...again best left to,counsel. What you do not want is to be postured as attacking the mother of your child ...leave to counsel. .

 

[kb18]

Just a lay comment...I'd avoid opportunities to pack in any extra hours for now lest they get factored in as part of your ability to pay CS. And be darn careful about future UNvested one time bonus situations ...they may or may not count as income once granted , for CS purposes in CA...ask counsel.

I'd be using counsel in CA pronto. I'm serious about you need to be asking counsel about her possible extortion/blackmail re you ....it's a big time problem for,her if her nasty mud sticks to her .

As an aside, her chosen speciality is one of the highest paid specialities ...way up there .....but if she gets convicted of a crime of moral turpitude then her ability to,get licensed is up in the air . She seems to have some "issues" as to credibility ...again best left to,counsel. What you do not want is to be postured as attacking the mother of your child ...leave to counsel. .

It’s 12 hrs a day 7 days a week.well

Just a lay comment...I'd avoid opportunities to pack in any extra hours for now lest they get factored in as part of your ability to pay CS. And be darn careful about future UNvested one time bonus situations ...they may or may not count as income once granted , for CS purposes in CA...ask counsel.

I'd be using counsel in CA pronto. I'm serious about you need to be asking counsel about her possible extortion/blackmail re you ....it's a big time problem for,her if her nasty mud sticks to her .

As an aside, her chosen speciality is one of the highest paid specialities ...way up there .....but if she gets convicted of a crime of moral turpitude then her ability to,get licensed is up in the air . She seems to have some "issues" as to credibility ...again best left to,counsel. What you do not want is to be postured as attacking the mother of your child ...leave to counsel. .

well for now I’m already in country so the 84 hr work weeks are required. I’m hoping a court will realize that it’s contingent upon contract and that I don’t make this / can’t make this regularly. I’m also hoping that I can at least get some custody of my son if not all. I will seek counsel. Thank you for your input.

 

[LdiJ]

It’s 12 hrs a day 7 days a week.well


well for now I’m already in country so the 84 hr work weeks are required. I’m hoping a court will realize that it’s contingent upon contract and that I don’t make this / can’t make this regularly. I’m also hoping that I can at least get some custody of my son if not all. I will seek counsel. Thank you for your input.

AGAIN, child support is fluid and modifiable based on changes in income. If you go by the state child support guidelines you won't have a problem doing modifications when you are no longer able to make the money that you are making now. Judges are not stupid, they understand about civilian contracting jobs and the temporary nature of them. You just don't realize that because you are negotiating everything with mom instead of just letting the guidelines be used.

Getting "some custody" of your child is a worthy goal but trying to do that while you are overseas is a bit pointless...particularly since your child is an infant.

 

[HRZ]

DIscuss with counsel seeking liberal visitation rights now. Why, because it may be easier now than to have to fight for them later upon your return to the area .

I doubt you want to be a CA resident for purposes of taxing your overseas income , but whatever it is to be get some competent legal input.

 

[HRZ]

The statute of limitation for law enforcement to address her possible blackmail of you is most likely 3 years. When or if to raise the issue is better discussed with counsel. But I sure would keep detailed safe records of all her threats that might be under any sort of blackmail umbrella ...look up the CA definitions .

BTW , whatever rip off of the system she may be making , do NOT get into a new blackmail boat by making threats to report same to anybody unless she does x or y