what are my rights?

[wilson]

I am a father in IL and would like to know my rights concerning an incident that happened with my nine year old son. First of all I am not his biological father but have raised him as my own since he was a month old and until a day ago he did not know that I was not his biological father but due to some neglect at the school his class and school pictures had both last names on them. Needless to say my son was curious so when he asked his teacher about it she said that it must be your other last name,she then did not notify us of this conversation.My question is do I have any recourse or put simply what should I do?

 

[Zigner]

My question is do I have any recourse

No

or put simply what should I do?

Be more creative in your deception of the child.
Or, on a bit less of a personal note, you should have done a legal name change for the child a long time ago.

 

[enjay]

Tell the kid the truth, Wilson. He has a right to know the basics, but not the possibly sordid details. Kids do fine when they aren't lied to, but deception will cause distrust forever.

 

[stealth2]

I suggest you and his mother figure out how you're going to explain this deception to the child in a way that he can understand.

You have no recourse against the school or the teacher. He should have been using his legal last name all along.

Out of curiousity - just when was Mom thinking of letting the kiddo know the truth?

 

[dallas702]

"Deception" is a not the issue. Most parents don't explain the legal status of their relationship to their children until the child is old enough to understand what it means. 9 may or may not be the appropriate age for this child. It is NOT, however, the right or business of the school to inform the child in any way of the issue. The appropriate response by the teacher would have been to tell "Johnny" to ask his parents.

But, long before this happened the legal issues should have been worked out and discussed with the school. Most school districts don't allow the use of a name that is not on the birth certificate unless it has been changed legally. That's to cut down on child kidnappings. I'd have to ask why the name issue never came up before? Change of school?

At this point it is time to explain the parental relationship with "Johnny". It isn't 1955, so there will be lots of classmates in the same situation. Wilson...you ARE his father (bio, or not). Just reassure him you will always be there for him no matter what. Then, be the best dad you can. Don't offer any more info than he asks for at this time. He's only 9, and doesn't need to hear all the sordid details. There is far too much "revelation" of parent's problems to the ids of unsophisticated children already. If he wants to know more later he will ask when HE is ready.

As far as the school goes, I suggest you have a talk with the teacher AND the principal at the same time. If they don't already have a written policy for this type of issue they should. maybe your intervention will make it better for other kids who don't know (or need to know) the whole story.

 

[stealth2]

As far as the school goes, I suggest you have a talk with the teacher AND the principal at the same time. If they don't already have a written policy for this type of issue they should. maybe your intervention will make it better for other kids who don't know (or need to know) the whole story.

Actually, this is something MOM should do. The school has no obligation to talk to wilson.

 

[dallas702]

Maybe, but if they are married the student infromation card should have his name as the other legal parent.

 

[stealth2]

Why? He isn't. Not unless he adopted the kid.

 

[dallas702]

If this boy has been raised since infancy by this dad, presumably along with the biomom, and they have a legally recognized spousal/parental relationship, she should have included him on the card. If not, biomom would have to do the legwork.