What Can I Do?!?!

[armydaddy]

Tennessee,
I have 3 children from my wife (saving up for divorce). We are seperated and have been for the past 3 years. She currently has custody of our 2 daughters which are 10 and 13. Their mother smokes pot in front of them or makes them go upstairs to their room for hours at a time while her and her friends party. She lives in government funded housing with our daughters. She and the girls are the only one on the lease but yet her bf and 2 of her friends also reside here. The girls have told me that they were growing pot in their closet also. I am current on child support and I buy our children clothes 2 times a year. I also provide them with cable and I buy the girls what I can since they don't have much. Their mother allows these other people to lay up in the house and eat the childrens food and does not seem to care what she does with the children. I bought them a tv and she pawns them for cigarettes and gas money. this month she got an eviction notice and I requested that the girls come here to stay IF she did have to move.(which she lied to get out of being evicted) She stated that she could not afford to lose the child support each month because then she would be homeless. NOTHING about the girls ... just that she NEEDED the $$. I am so fed up!!!
Our daughters have even told social workers about their mother smoking pot in the home but they did NOTHING. Another thing.... our daughter have constantly had head lice for over a year now. they come here every other weekend and lots of extra days and we have found them almost EVERY time!
We comb through the childrens hair( ME AND GF is We.. NOT MOTHER). All she does is gets pissed off and threatens and actually does cut their hair or dyes it. We atleast ask her to inform the school and all the childrens parents that the children play with but OBVIOUSLY she has failed to do this. We buy the stuff comb their hair before going back and are left to leave it up to her to maintain a lice free head but "she just don't have the time".
PLEASE HELP. ANY ADVICE IS MORE THAN GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS

 

[djohnson]

As long as you are letting this continue, you are just as at fault. File for divorce and custody yesterday. You can find a way. If you haven't been to court why are you paying child support? I would stop that immediately and put it aside in the bank just in case. Not having the money may push mom to let them come live with you or file for divorce herself.

 

[rm1759]

You could also tell the mom that you just want to take care of the kids. Continue paying child support to her, let the girls stay with you. Then, in 6 months, you file for divorce and custody, citing in your filing that the girls are living with you now, and they should not be uprooted (have school records, etc). Status quo is very powerful.

EDIT: also, when you file for divorce, you would also file for child support from her.

 

[abstract99]

Why don't you make an anonimous call to the police to report the drugs? This will solve all of the problems right away. It would be hard for the mother to hurt the kids while she is in jail. You can call as a concerned neighbor that has seen the drug use going on through the windows. Or you could call a noise complaint in the middle of the night and when the cops answer the door they will see the pot.

 

[armydaddy]

Well first of all I can't afford a divorce at this time because of my bills and paying the support. I also have custody of our son which she turned over to the state while I was deployed to Iraq due to them fighting. We are legally separated is why I am court ordered to pay child support. I would still send money even if not as long as that money insures that there is a roof over our childrens head. I have talked with social services and informed them of the actions taking place in the home. The children also told them what they had witnessed because they want to come live with me. The social services made her take a piss test and went through some classes and she was allowed to keep the girls. So I don't see as to how I am at fault. I ask her to allow the girls to come live with me and I would continue to pay the support but she said she is not stupid. She knows that I would eventually try for custody again and keep the money to provide for them in our home.
As far as the drugs go, I have contacted the police and informed them but they took their sweet ass time and one of the officers knew her and let her know that they were in fact watching her because of the number of traffic she had going in and out of the house. (This was due to them doing tattoos, which they they used the same needle everytime and just "cleaned it") This was told to me by my wife. By the way, the pot plants they had died so they are not growing it there anymore.
I try to stay "friends" with her so I know what goes on their but she just wont give up her way of living and realise what she is putting our children through.

 

[abstract99]

Well first of all I can't afford a divorce at this time because of my bills and paying the support. I also have custody of our son which she turned over to the state while I was deployed to Iraq due to them fighting. We are legally separated is why I am court ordered to pay child support. I would still send money even if not as long as that money insures that there is a roof over our childrens head. I have talked with social services and informed them of the actions taking place in the home. The children also told them what they had witnessed because they want to come live with me. The social services made her take a piss test and went through some classes and she was allowed to keep the girls. So I don't see as to how I am at fault. I ask her to allow the girls to come live with me and I would continue to pay the support but she said she is not stupid. She knows that I would eventually try for custody again and keep the money to provide for them in our home.
As far as the drugs go, I have contacted the police and informed them but they took their sweet ass time and one of the officers knew her and let her know that they were in fact watching her because of the number of traffic she had going in and out of the house. (This was due to them doing tattoos, which they they used the same needle everytime and just "cleaned it") This was told to me by my wife. By the way, the pot plants they had died so they are not growing it there anymore.
I try to stay "friends" with her so I know what goes on their but she just wont give up her way of living and realise what she is putting our children through.

You need to find ways to get some hard proof. Take pictures. Get statements. I am sure there are some people out there that she has pissed off that are willing to help your cause. It would take some digging. Go to intellious.com and pay the 45 dollars for a background report. This will pull up anything that she might have been arrested for. You can also get online to your county reporters office and pull up some of the court records. Once you get this proof take her to court for custody. If the children are at the risk of being physically harmed then you can file for an emergency petition for custody (god this seems to be a common idea today)