What do I do if my 16 year old wants to leave home because she is unhappy ?

[momRLT]

My daughter wants to leave my house because she is unhappy and move in with her boyfriends family. Boyfriends mother knows and agrees. I dont think she wants to leave for any other reason than she loves her boyfriend. She says my chores are too strict and I stress her out about wanting good grades. I also believe if I force her to stay she will either run away (and i wont know where she is) or she will put all her anger into fighting with her brother and sister or me. I dont want her to hate me and I want her to have her freedom but I dont think she is old enough. Please help.

 

[Proserpina]

My daughter wants to leave my house because she is unhappy and move in with her boyfriends family. Boyfriends mother knows and agrees. I dont think she wants to leave for any other reason than she loves her boyfriend. She says my chores are too strict and I stress her out about wanting good grades. I also believe if I force her to stay she will either run away (and i wont know where she is) or she will put all her anger into fighting with her brother and sister or me. I dont want her to hate me and I want her to have her freedom but I dont think she is old enough. Please help.

Time to reinforce who exactly is the parent here, Mom

Please tell us where you're located. It can make a difference as to the legalities....

 

[sandyclaus]

My daughter wants to leave my house because she is unhappy and move in with her boyfriends family. Boyfriends mother knows and agrees. I dont think she wants to leave for any other reason than she loves her boyfriend. She says my chores are too strict and I stress her out about wanting good grades. I also believe if I force her to stay she will either run away (and i wont know where she is) or she will put all her anger into fighting with her brother and sister or me. I dont want her to hate me and I want her to have her freedom but I dont think she is old enough. Please help.

Your kid's playing you in order to gain control. The fact that the boyfriend's mother is willing and agreeable to have your 16-year-old daughter move in with she and her son, the boyfriend, makes me wonder about who is in control in THEIR household as well.

She says your chores are too strict? Too bad. When it's her own home she lives in, she can decide whether or not to do the chores.

If you force her to stay, you are doing your job as a parent by telling her she can't always get what she wants by stomping her feet and making idle threats. If she runs away, you definitely know where she will end up (and that's the boyfriend's house, or anywhere he is).

 

[Eekamouse]

She's 16. She doesn't get to choose to move somewhere else because she thinks you're too strict. Her boyfriend's parents should be backing you up instead of offering her a place to live. If she runs away, let the police pick her up and put her in juvie. Maybe it'll knock some sense into her.

 

[Eekamouse]

You also need to let the boyfriend's parents know you will press charges against them if they harbor her as a runaway. You need to grow a pair to deal with your daughter. You'll need them since you've got others coming up after her and they'll see the stuff they can get away with when they see sis bowl you over like this.

 

[stealth2]

My daughter wants to leave my house because she is unhappy and move in with her boyfriends family. Boyfriends mother knows and agrees. I dont think she wants to leave for any other reason than she loves her boyfriend. She says my chores are too strict and I stress her out about wanting good grades. I also believe if I force her to stay she will either run away (and i wont know where she is) or she will put all her anger into fighting with her brother and sister or me. I dont want her to hate me and I want her to have her freedom but I dont think she is old enough. Please help.

You simply say no. She can carry on and cry and stomp her feet all she wants. The answer will still be no.

However, if this were *my* daughter, I would also sit her down and explain to her why you do the things that you do.

She has chores because you all live together as a family, and you all share in the work around the house. Find out what it is about her chores that she doesn't like, and see if there are others that she might prefer to do instead. Nothing wrong with changing around who does what.

You want her to get good grades because that will provide her with the most opportunities for the future. The better her grades are, the more choices she will have - and it's especially important these days for a woman to have the ability to support herself and/or children.

That you appreciate her feelings for her young man, and understand them. But that you do not feel it is in her best interests to live with him at her age. That he is certainly welcome to come over often and spend time with her. But you simply cannot agree to to her moving in with his family. But if she finds living in YOUR home intolerable, then perhaps the you should talk to her Dad about living with him (reading between the lines, it would seem you don't live together?).

ETA: Has his Mom actually told YOU that she is fine with your daughter moving in? Or is that what your daughter telling you? If the latter, he's probably told his Mom that YOU are fine with his g/f moving in with them. Manipulation 101.

 

[anearthw]

If your 16 year old daughter hates you because you didn't let her disregard her chores and move in with her boyfriend, you're doing it right.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree wholeheartedly with the advice that you have already received. It might be different if your child was within a couple of months of turning 18 and had already graduated from high school, but she is not. She is 16.