what do you think?

[luckymom]

My ex sued me for custody about 7 months ago and lost but he is constantly threatening to do it again. Now another conflict has come up that he says reveals that I am a bad parent. I asked my ex if he would take care of my daughter's routine dental check ups while she is with him. Here's why--my daughter flies down to visit her dad once a month. Because of airline schedules, she ends up missing most of a day of school each time and I also miss most of a day of work. I also of course take time off for classroom activities and when she is sick. So I really have very to make careful use of my vacation days, and I hate for my daughter to miss any more school that she has to. Since he gets every three day holiday including what we call "conference days," all of spring break (2 weeks), and 6 weeks in the summer, I didn't think this would be a big deal. My ex refused to do it, saying, in essence, "you are the CP so it is your job." I think we are both parents and so have an equal responsibility. Just to clarify, I have taken my daughter to twice yearly check ups since age 3 and she hasn't had a single cavity.

 

[MBMom]

Is the request for responsibility of dental checkups the "conflict" that reveals you're a bad parent?

 

[kat1963]

I think you need to pick your battles. He said NO, that is final. You accepted 85-90% of the daily hugs & kisses. Along with that comes the pain in the butt parts too. If you aren't willing to accept both, then I'm sure Dad would be willing to trade places. If you want to stop the custody battle threats, then you might think about letting little petty stuff such as this go. It sounds like you are both playing games. JUST STOP IT!
KAT

 

[splcstr2001]

Yuk! Sticky!

I am a step-parent to my husbands 2 kids. Not to brag, but i am the mature and understanding one between the 2 parents.
I have dealt with the class schedules, doctor and dentist appts, extracurricular activities, etc. for 6 years.
All of the scheduling seems to 'conveniently" fall into the visitation schedule of my husbands. He has lost A LOT of time with his kids for refusing to run them around for any 'routine" visits.
I can only relay what my husband has told me as to why he is so stubborn...................................................
When custody became an issue, she would not even consider Joint custody, every 3 years, she takes me back to court to modify my child support, For the first 3 years, I supplied all school clothes and fees for ALL activities of both kids, above and beyond my child support payments.
90% of the time I get the kids, I am informed that they have practice, or meetings, or appointments, etc. that disrupt my time and certainly vacation plans on a regular basis. So, take them to any of these appts, or activities, HECK NO!!!".
Sad but true, this fight has been going on for a long time. His attitude is based on her past actions. He bends, she never does................It's her way, or no way. She is motivated by control as the CP, and believe me she throws her weight around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All i can say is that If his papers do not say that he has to do something, he will more than likely NOT do it.
It sounds as if he has a control issue also.
He knows these things and I am sure that he loves her, but, he has to control something, his way, more than she needs the dentist, or doctor visit. ( In his eyes). You are the CP and therefore, he has notmuch say, this way, he knows that you need him to do something for your daughter, but, he sees it as a "favor" to you.
I do not agree, I am in the middle of this all of the time.
I am sorry you have to deal with this, I wish you all the best!
Just remember, WHAT DO YOUR PAPERS SAY???????????????

 

[luckymom]

Thanks for answering. Of course, my decree doesn't address everything--and even when it does, it causes conflict. I have to say that I don't understand why some NCP's insist that their parenting duties don't involve any of the routine and sometimes not so fun aspects of parenting--overseeing homework and piano practice, taking kids to birthday parties and soccer games, dealing with the inevitable sick days, chaperoning school trips, --and yes, trips to the dentist. And I don't think it is fair to say that if you get more time, that means you have to do the "grunt" work of parenting. I'd feel more sympathetic if my ex actually spent some one on one time doing anything with his daughter during visists: in fact, she says that the only good thing about going is seeing her 13 year-old stepsister (my daughter is 9). I am hoping the stepsister doesn't discover boys for a while!