What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania
I'm sorry in advance, this is going to be long but I feel that I need to say it all so you can give me the best advice and opinions possible
I lived in NYC and I became pregnant at 17 years old and as soon as I told the father who was already 20 years old he disappeared, my mom was the only one who helped me and during my pregnancy I found out he had another girlfriend so I decided to move on with my life ...when the baby was 2 months he contacted me and said he wanted to be a part of her life so I said ok, he met her and then thought that seeing her a few times in a months and buying a cheap small pack of diapers was enough, I was always telling him that he needed to do more but his girlfriend didn't like him around me so he stopped visiting the baby when she was 9 months old just because of that and never did anything to fix it, he is not even in the birth certificate and she has my last name.
I never contacted him again, (I found love again and he was in the army and this is important information, you'll see why) and when my daughter was 4 he sent me an email saying that he was a changed man, that he was in the army now and that he wanted to be a part of my daughter's life, I was so hesitant but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, this is the first time my daughter met her father because obviously she didn't remember the first visits when she was a baby, she was very happy and it made me feel like I did the right thing, he told me he was going to send me $300 monthly and I agreed (he hasn't stopped paying since then), not sure if that's the correct amount he should be paying or not, 2 months later he told me he got moved to Colorado and about a month later my boyfriend got moved to CO as well, I couldn't believe the coincidence but oh well, we got married and obviously I moved with my now husband, my daughter's father wasn't too happy because the girlfriend I talked about was now his wife and she got mad when she found out I was going to be close to them but I made it clear that I didn't want any drama and we just needed to have a decent co-parenting relationship because that was the best thing for my daughter. While we were there he saw her every weekend (some weekends he didn't pick her up but it was a recurrent thing).
The co-parenting thing only worked sometimes. He did things that weren't right, he said they weren't a big of a deal but for the mind of a 4-5 year old it was. For example we planned to do her bday party at her school, I was supposed to get the cake and snacks and he was supposed to get the decorations and party favors, the same morning of the party (less than 2 hours before the time we were supposed to be school) he called and canceled because his wife had to work and she didn't want him to be in the same room with me if she wasn't going to be there, I couldn't believe my ears, I took the cake to the school and my baby had a good time anyway but then the weekend came and when my daughter came home from his house she was crying, I asked why and she said that her dad did a big party for her but that she didn't have fun because I wasn't there, my poor daughter.
Anyway, my husband got a very good job opportunity through the army but it required moving to Pennsylvania after only living in CO for 8 months, when I told my daughter's father he didn't have a problem with that because deep down he never wanted us so close to him and his wife.
My daughter is now 8 years old, it's been 3 years since we moved and as soon as we did things changed again, my daughter's father went back to his old ways, he called our daughter maybe once every 5-6 weeks, at first I called him so she could talk to him but he never answered so I gave up trying. My husband is now out of the army but has a good job, I'm a stay at home mom to my daughter and a baby I had 10 months ago, my daughter has a great relationship with my husband and we have a good life as a family.
Now let's talk about the problem, my daughter's father got moved to Puerto Rico and since last april he started calling about twice every week and I was happy about it but then I found out why he was calling that much, he wanted me to send her to Puerto Rico during the summer for a month, I wasn't too happy about it because I feel like they lost the connection they built while we were in CO because he doesn't make the effort to be in contact with her (I mean, a call every month or so is not enough or am I wrong? It's not like he is deployed in another country or anything like that, in fact he calls his mother and brothers almost every day) but I said I was going to talk to her about it, as soon as I told her she started crying, she said she doesn't want to go, that she doesn't want to be away from me, she asked that why didn't he come here instead. I told this to him and he asked to talk to her, when I put her on the phone he sounded mad, he asked why she didn't want to go and blah blah blah, I think my daughter got intimidated because she said ok I want to go but then after they hanged up she started crying and said she didn't want to go so I asked why she said yes and she said that because she didn't want him to be mad or to feel bad so of course he thinks I'm manipulating her but I swear I don't, after this conversation he kept calling but every time he does my daughter says she doesn't even want to talk to him, she once asked me to tell him that she was sleeping but I still put her on the phone so she can at least say hi but as soon as he starts talking about her going to Puerto Rico she starts feels uncomfortable and finds a way to hang up.
Yesterday he called and told me that he wants to put her in his medical insurance but since he is not even in the birth certificate he wanted me to make a letter saying that he is the father, that he pays child support and that we have visitation arrangements and to notarize it and send it to him, to me it sounded fishy and weird do I told him was going to consult my lawyer first (I don't have one but I just told him that) and he flipped out, he called me a bitch, he said I'm always manipulating things and that he is tired of that, that I don't even let him see her ...I told him that he liked things to be done the easy way but that if he wanted to be recognized as her father he needed to do the right thing, I told him that he knows my address and that I was going to be waiting for the paperwork from the court, that I was willing to go through all the process but that I wasn't notarizing any stupid letter. He then said that ok that if that's what I want then that's how things will go and hanged up.
I'm not really sure if he is really willing to go through all that but if he does I'm kinda scared ...not because I have anything to hide or to be ashamed of but im sure he will ask for visitation and my heart is breaking just by thinking that a judge can force me to send my daughter to him even though she doesn't want to
...obviously if I receive paperwork I'll be contacting a lawyer but my real question is if a judge will take into consideration her opinion or what she wants? Or will it only be based on our testimony and proofs? Like I said she is 8 years old now and we live in PA .
Thank you for taking the time to read this long story and for your advice
I'm sorry in advance, this is going to be long but I feel that I need to say it all so you can give me the best advice and opinions possible
I lived in NYC and I became pregnant at 17 years old and as soon as I told the father who was already 20 years old he disappeared, my mom was the only one who helped me and during my pregnancy I found out he had another girlfriend so I decided to move on with my life ...when the baby was 2 months he contacted me and said he wanted to be a part of her life so I said ok, he met her and then thought that seeing her a few times in a months and buying a cheap small pack of diapers was enough, I was always telling him that he needed to do more but his girlfriend didn't like him around me so he stopped visiting the baby when she was 9 months old just because of that and never did anything to fix it, he is not even in the birth certificate and she has my last name.
I never contacted him again, (I found love again and he was in the army and this is important information, you'll see why) and when my daughter was 4 he sent me an email saying that he was a changed man, that he was in the army now and that he wanted to be a part of my daughter's life, I was so hesitant but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, this is the first time my daughter met her father because obviously she didn't remember the first visits when she was a baby, she was very happy and it made me feel like I did the right thing, he told me he was going to send me $300 monthly and I agreed (he hasn't stopped paying since then), not sure if that's the correct amount he should be paying or not, 2 months later he told me he got moved to Colorado and about a month later my boyfriend got moved to CO as well, I couldn't believe the coincidence but oh well, we got married and obviously I moved with my now husband, my daughter's father wasn't too happy because the girlfriend I talked about was now his wife and she got mad when she found out I was going to be close to them but I made it clear that I didn't want any drama and we just needed to have a decent co-parenting relationship because that was the best thing for my daughter. While we were there he saw her every weekend (some weekends he didn't pick her up but it was a recurrent thing).
The co-parenting thing only worked sometimes. He did things that weren't right, he said they weren't a big of a deal but for the mind of a 4-5 year old it was. For example we planned to do her bday party at her school, I was supposed to get the cake and snacks and he was supposed to get the decorations and party favors, the same morning of the party (less than 2 hours before the time we were supposed to be school) he called and canceled because his wife had to work and she didn't want him to be in the same room with me if she wasn't going to be there, I couldn't believe my ears, I took the cake to the school and my baby had a good time anyway but then the weekend came and when my daughter came home from his house she was crying, I asked why and she said that her dad did a big party for her but that she didn't have fun because I wasn't there, my poor daughter.
Anyway, my husband got a very good job opportunity through the army but it required moving to Pennsylvania after only living in CO for 8 months, when I told my daughter's father he didn't have a problem with that because deep down he never wanted us so close to him and his wife.
My daughter is now 8 years old, it's been 3 years since we moved and as soon as we did things changed again, my daughter's father went back to his old ways, he called our daughter maybe once every 5-6 weeks, at first I called him so she could talk to him but he never answered so I gave up trying. My husband is now out of the army but has a good job, I'm a stay at home mom to my daughter and a baby I had 10 months ago, my daughter has a great relationship with my husband and we have a good life as a family.
Now let's talk about the problem, my daughter's father got moved to Puerto Rico and since last april he started calling about twice every week and I was happy about it but then I found out why he was calling that much, he wanted me to send her to Puerto Rico during the summer for a month, I wasn't too happy about it because I feel like they lost the connection they built while we were in CO because he doesn't make the effort to be in contact with her (I mean, a call every month or so is not enough or am I wrong? It's not like he is deployed in another country or anything like that, in fact he calls his mother and brothers almost every day) but I said I was going to talk to her about it, as soon as I told her she started crying, she said she doesn't want to go, that she doesn't want to be away from me, she asked that why didn't he come here instead. I told this to him and he asked to talk to her, when I put her on the phone he sounded mad, he asked why she didn't want to go and blah blah blah, I think my daughter got intimidated because she said ok I want to go but then after they hanged up she started crying and said she didn't want to go so I asked why she said yes and she said that because she didn't want him to be mad or to feel bad so of course he thinks I'm manipulating her but I swear I don't, after this conversation he kept calling but every time he does my daughter says she doesn't even want to talk to him, she once asked me to tell him that she was sleeping but I still put her on the phone so she can at least say hi but as soon as he starts talking about her going to Puerto Rico she starts feels uncomfortable and finds a way to hang up.
Yesterday he called and told me that he wants to put her in his medical insurance but since he is not even in the birth certificate he wanted me to make a letter saying that he is the father, that he pays child support and that we have visitation arrangements and to notarize it and send it to him, to me it sounded fishy and weird do I told him was going to consult my lawyer first (I don't have one but I just told him that) and he flipped out, he called me a bitch, he said I'm always manipulating things and that he is tired of that, that I don't even let him see her ...I told him that he liked things to be done the easy way but that if he wanted to be recognized as her father he needed to do the right thing, I told him that he knows my address and that I was going to be waiting for the paperwork from the court, that I was willing to go through all the process but that I wasn't notarizing any stupid letter. He then said that ok that if that's what I want then that's how things will go and hanged up.
I'm not really sure if he is really willing to go through all that but if he does I'm kinda scared ...not because I have anything to hide or to be ashamed of but im sure he will ask for visitation and my heart is breaking just by thinking that a judge can force me to send my daughter to him even though she doesn't want to
...obviously if I receive paperwork I'll be contacting a lawyer but my real question is if a judge will take into consideration her opinion or what she wants? Or will it only be based on our testimony and proofs? Like I said she is 8 years old now and we live in PA .Thank you for taking the time to read this long story and for your advice
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