What is an "exchange"?

[pypercat]

What is the name of your state? Idaho

Does anyone know how the courts define “exchange” for the purpose of visitation. My ex is supposed to meet me half-way every fifth exchange. My understanding is that an exchange happens each time the kids are transferred from one parent to another, so in essence there are two exchanges per visitation. He says an exchange is one visitation. So does he meet me half way once each third visit or does he meet me half way twice on each fifth visit? I know that technically it works out to be the same, I'm just curious if there is a standard.
Thank you!

 

[CJane]

I would guess (and all it would be is a guess) that the 5th exchange would be the first meeting of the 3rd visitation. So, if you're the custodial parent, you'd do all of the driving both ways for visits 1 and 2 and then he'd meet you halfway for his pickup portion of visit 3.

 

[LdiJ]

I would guess (and all it would be is a guess) that the 5th exchange would be the first meeting of the 3rd visitation. So, if you're the custodial parent, you'd do all of the driving both ways for visits 1 and 2 and then he'd meet you halfway for his pickup portion of visit 3.

I agree....although I think that's a really "wierd" order.

 

[stealth2]

And if it works out regardless - is this a hill worth dying on?

 

[trustknow1]

I agree also.

Funny how unnecessary it seems, when you are "separating hairs" defining the terms of the agreement.....until later, when you try and carry out a task with the ex. Whatever you decide, I would suggest always reaching decisions in private with the ex, then just advise the child of the decision.

Those types of interactions with the ex were the only ones guaranteed to make me angry. She never understood the importance of talking in terms of age-relative interpretation. Any discussions about exchange times, etc.with your ex, taking place with the child present....can sound like two parents trying to spend as little time as possible with the child.

Even on the phone. My ex would call me during her time with daughter, asking me if daughter could come over in 15min, (because my ex wanted to meet a friend). I explain I can't alter work with a 15 minute notice. She says "I just thought you might want to see her more often, but that's OK." (which is the only part my daughter hears!).

I finally told my ex that I refused to discuss anything with her, when my daughter was present or able to hear the conversation. My ex hates that rule, because it disarms one of her primary tools for manipulation. But she knows I stick to it.

 

[pypercat]

Thank you

Thanks for your feedback.
No, stealth, it's not a hill worth dying on, but for the sake of peace it will need to be defined or he will run rough-shod over me for the next twelve years. Seems to me like the best thing for the kids is to have peaceful resolution.

Trustknow1, the judge in our case actually ordered my ex to communicate with me only via email, unless it is an emergency, because he is verbally abusive to me in front of the kids - he's not allowed to come to the car during exchanges and I stay in the car. At least that created some space for peace. You have my sympathy - I hope for peace for all of us.

 

[bononos]

It works out in the end.

Let's take 10 visits:

If dad transports every 5th visit both ways (2 transports per visit) - that totals 4 transports. 2 on 5th day, 2 on 10th day.

If dad transports every seperate 5th exchange time then he would transport on the 5th, 10th, 15th, and 20th exchange in the 20 exchange times. Again, 4 times.