What is best for my girls? Please read

[someone76]

i am a mother of two ages 5 and 2 in RI. I am getting divorced, however, i am still living with my husband...temp orders originaly scheduled in court for march have now ended up not heard until july. i'm going crazy! i am a stay at home mom, i work only a few hours a week usually on the weekends. i am having trouble with what would be best for my girls, my biggest concern seems to be that they continue to live in the home that was purchased 2 years ago....great house,great neighborhood, wonderful town. i can't afford to buy him out, he can. he is a great father. he and i have discussed him having custody with me being the only person to care for them after school until he gets home pretty much i would be able to see them at any time and in the summer..when school is out he agreed to pay me to care for them on a full time basis rather than hire an outside source. he would also waive child support. another problem that i am having with the whole thing is i ahve always been the one that cares for the girls from the moment they wake up...quallity time to me is making their breakfast, bathing them...etc. would it make a differnce to them if it were daddy doing those things rather than me? will they think that i am abandoning them, rather than sacrificing for thier sake? AM I?

 

[Grandma B]

If you've been a stay-at-home mom for 5 years, I can't begin to imagine the trauma the three of you would suffer if you relinquish custody. Being their sole caretaker would not be comparable at all!

Since you're married, I don't understand how he can afford to buy you out on the home, but you can't afford to buy him out. He has money that isn't yours???

Consider this. Your husband will be required to pay a reasonable amount of child support, and maybe you could work more hours. Being gone a few hours a day or a few days a week would be far better than not living with your daughters and being part of their day-to-day lives.

Your life may not be as comfy as it has been, but I don't think you have any idea what effect giving up your daughters would have on you and them.

 

[someone76]

him or me

he and i have only been married for three years....he has investments that were made long before we were married, his family is also well off. there is no doubt in my mind that my children would be better off financialy with him.
i am also concerened that it may be just as traumatizing to not have thier father on a day to day basis. would we all be better off if we did a split week thing...kids with me for part of the week , with him for the other? the thought of them not living with me brings me to tears....but it's about what is best for them...right?

 

[Grandma B]

Wow!

You are so right that it is ALL about the children, and I'd say you are a one-in-a-million mommy. You both sound like wonderful parents and I agree that your daughters will most likely be traumatized either way. I'm assuming you've taken what steps you can trying to save the marriage.

Remember that financial considerations are not the main reason for custody placement. If you feel the girls would be better or just as well cared for and happy with him, that may be the way to go. However, if they'd have a happier life with you, even though the financial security might be missing, you go for custody.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck and you will be on my mind.