What options do I have regarding my daughters?

[Abelltgt5133]

North Carolina-

I have not spoken to or heard from my two daughters in over a week and I do not know where they are. My ex-wife has been ignoring my calls and text messages as has her family. All of my contact options to my children seem to have been blocked. I am supposed to pick up my children from my ex-wife's home this evening. I have sent the ex messages letting her know I will be picking them up at their house at the normal time. If I arrive and my children are not there, what can I do?

We do not have a custody agreement. When we divorced, last month, because it was mutual and we have had a ongoing agreement to share custody for four years, without issue, the court did not require us to file custody papers.

 

[Just Blue]

North Carolina-

I have not spoken to or heard from my two daughters in over a week and I do not know where they are. My ex-wife has been ignoring my calls and text messages as has her family. All of my contact options to my children seem to have been blocked. I am supposed to pick up my children from my ex-wife's home this evening. I have sent the ex messages letting her know I will be picking them up at their house at the normal time. If I arrive and my children are not there, what can I do?

We do not have a custody agreement. When we divorced, last month, because it was mutual and we have had a ongoing agreement to share custody for four years, without issue, the court did not require us to file custody papers.

There is no mention of custody at all in your decree? How old are the children? Do they have cell phones?

Go to get your kiddo's tonight...if the children aren't there, file for custody on Monday.

 

[justalayman]

If there is no legally enforceable custody order in place, she has no legal obligation to be anywhere at any particular time (regarding the children). She has no obligation to allow you contact with the children

Hopefully this is simply an issue that isn’t what it appears to be and she will be there at the previously agreed to time and you’ll get to pick up the children. If it is denying you contact with the children, you need to get this in front of a judge and get some ground rules issued.


By the way; if there was a formal parenting agreement, unless otherwise specified you wouldn’t have any right to know where your children are while in the physical custody of the mother nor would you have any right to contact with the children during that time. While a parent has a right to do things with their children without the other parent demanding to know what they’re doing, some form of regular contact such as a phone call would be good to have in place. Going for a week or sometimes more without any contact isn’t usually in the best interest of the children

 

[Abelltgt5133]

There is no mention of custody at all in your decree? How old are the children? Do they have cell phones?

Go to get your kiddo's tonight...if the children aren't there, file for custody on Monday.

There are no mentions of custody other than she is considered custodial because they live with her primarily. I normally get my girls every other weekend Friday-Mon. My children are 14 and 12 and they do, but I am getting no answers from them. My messages I'm sending are being received either.

I did just hear back from my ex after 8 days of trying to contact my children and the only response I got was "They will not be coming with you this weekend. We will be going out of town." I told her I need to speak with her about the lack of communication and my ability to reach them but she has viewed the message and not responded.

 

[Zigner]

You need to go to court to get your custody set. Right now, the ball is 100% in mom's court.

 

[Abelltgt5133]

If there is no legally enforceable custody order in place, she has no legal obligation to be anywhere at any particular time (regarding the children). She has no obligation to allow you contact with the children

Hopefully this is simply an issue that isn’t what it appears to be and she will be there at the previously agreed to time and you’ll get to pick up the children. If it is denying you contact with the children, you need to get this in front of a judge and get some ground rules issued.


By the way; if there was a formal parenting agreement, unless otherwise specified you wouldn’t have any right to know where your children are while in the physical custody of the mother nor would you have any right to contact with the children during that time. While a parent has a right to do things with their children without the other parent demanding to know what they’re doing, some form of regular contact such as a phone call would be good to have in place. Going for a week or sometimes more without any contact isn’t usually in the best interest of the children

I understand that I don't have a right to know where they are or to talk to them, but it has never been an issue before from either side. This is the first time she has done this. I believe it may be in response to me telling my oldest that her mother can not control what my kids do (ie when they wake up) while they are with me, just like I can't control what they do when they are with her.

Like I told the other person in this chat, the ex responded with "The girls are not going with you this weekend. We will be going out of town." I have requested to speak to them and then with her about the lack of communication. She has received and viewed the message but has not responded.

 

[Zigner]

Like I told the other person in this chat, the ex responded with "The girls are not going with you this weekend. We will be going out of town." I have requested to speak to them and then with her about the lack of communication. She has received and viewed the message but has not responded.

We call this a "thread", not a "chat".

I understand what you have posted above and my earlier post was in direct response to it. Mom is doing nothing (legally) wrong. Is it kind of crappy to do? Perhaps, but mom is within her legal rights to do so.

 

[justalayman]

I understand that I don't have a right to know where they are or to talk to them, but it has never been an issue before from either side. This is the first time she has done this. I believe it may be in response to me telling my oldest that her mother can not control what my kids do (ie when they wake up) while they are with me, just like I can't control what they do when they are with her.

Like I told the other person in this chat, the ex responded with "The girls are not going with you this weekend. We will be going out of town." I have requested to speak to them and then with her about the lack of communication. She has received and viewed the message but has not responded.

I’m guessing things aren’t quite as mutual and agreeable as you felt they were when divorcing.

You know the mother and situation. Nobody here does. If this appears to be a one off thing, maybe there is some reason for the lack of contact or withdrawing agreement the children be with you. Maybe a bit of time would be the proper reaction.

But, maybe it’s just a sign of how things will be from here on. In that case I suggest you get the parenting issue into court. That way you have rights set forth in a court order and can demand they be honored.

 

[Abelltgt5133]

I believe I may wait to see her response and see if she allows me to speak with my children. I do not want a court battle but if she continues to act this way, which is unlike anything she had done the past four years we have been apart, I will most likely seek custody rights through the court.

I appreciate all of your input.

 

[t74]

Court ORDERS benefit all - especially the children. It is in YOUR DAUGHTERS best interests that you jhead back to court and get them set. This weekend is likely just the beginning of denying you parenting time if you do not do something because your giirls are at an age when they will prefer activities with friends rather than with you. Look at reasonable parenting plans for teens in your state.

It need not be a battle. It is you asserting your rights as their parent and their rights as your children to know what is expected of them and their mother in their relationship with you. Make sure your proposal is flexible enough to allow your daughters to participate in activities important to them while retaining your rights to have makeup time when these activities occur during your visitation periods. Look carefully at the timing of summer activities as they enter high school so that if their school is not near you that you get the slow period (I.E. if they are in band or cheer, the month before school starts is not the one you want).

 

[stealth2]

(I.E. if they are in band or cheer, the month before school starts is not the one you want).

Or any fall sport.

 

[t74]

I'm from football country. Are there any other fall sports?

 

[stealth2]

I'm from football country. Are there any other fall sports?

A few. 'Specially on the East Coast. Think Chix with stix.

 

[t74]

In any event, OP, you really need to get orders. Do not consider it anything other than "dotting the Is and crossing the Ts"

 

[stealth2]

While I agree that orders are good for ALL concerned, given its summer and has not been an issue before, I would likely assume that they're going somewhere/with someone Mom doesn't want to share with you. It's not unusual for either parent to have two uninterrupted weeks for vacation in summer (though it would have been easy enough for her to just tell you she's taking the kids on vacation)... Hence my thought they're going with..... a boyfriend, perhaps? And she doesn't want to get into it with you? It's also possible cell service is sporadic wherever they are. I wouldn't panic over a week or two of no contact, to be honest.