What is the name of your state? WI
I'll start with some details of my custody order. I have primary physical, there is joint legal custody. Mother has visitation on weekends. And for this situation it is important to know that order specifies this year is mothers year with our daughter on Thanksgiving and it also states I get our daughter Friday through Sunday the weekend after thanksgiving.
Anyway, here is what is happening (and similar situations like this have happened in the past). A couple weeks ago I asked ex to let me have our daughter for the weekend since I was going to visit my grandmother (lives about 500 miles away) and wanted to bring her to see that part of my family because it is not something that is a common occurence. She agreed, we went and had no problems. The next weekend I offered to let ex take Bug (I call my daughter Bug. My mom's nickname for her) on Thursday night instead of Friday and keep her until Monday afternoon instead of Sunday to make up for the extra time I got. Again, no problems here. Then this week she called me on Thursday wanting to pick Bug up from daycare and take her early since she was in town (we live about 30 miles from each other). So, since we have been seeming to be getting along good I thought I'd agree. Anyway, I had to go out of town this weekend (about 160 miles) and I called her today to ask if she wanted to keep Bug until tomorrow since I was planning on not being home until around 11 or 12 tonight and she agreed. I ended up leaving earlier than I thought, so I got home a couple hours earlier than I thought (pretty much irrelevant). Ex called me about an hour ago now and asked if I would come get Bug, and to be honest I was sick of driving and didn't want to do another 60 miles of driving so I questioned why. She says "Well I had her an extra two days last weekend, I'm going to have her extra days this weekend and I'm going to have her Thursday through Sunday next weekend, so you should have to take her now." Honestly, I know I should have just stopped there and went and got our daughter, but again I questioned her (I know stupid). I asked her if she can't handle having her this much (probably poorly worded) and if she wanted me to just keep her next weekend. And then she decided to reverse course and say "No, I want her, nevermind."
Finally, my question is, should I stop making arrangements like this with her without having something in writing? The way she is talking it's starting to sound like she's trying to say that she has Bug all the time because I don't want her. I'm afraid if we ever go to court she's going to try to use this against me, but all I'm trying to do is work with her and give her more time with our daughter to make up for past time she didn't have her and to try and keep a good relationship between us. I've seen it suggested that these types of arrangements should be made using e-mail, but my ex doesn't have regular access to e-mail so its not a good way to communicate and I really don't want to have to write something up everytime we make arrangements like this (especially since they are usually last minute arrangements). So, should I just strictly follow the court order unless new arrangements are made with enough time to have something in writing for both of us? Should I write her a letter to confirm the plans next weekend and have her sign it or something since she will probably not confirm with her own letter, or should I just not let her take Bug next weekend since court order says it's my time? I'd really prefer not to take that away because Bug will be spending a lot of time with ex's family, and she doesn't get to see them much anymore, and I think it's good for Bug to see her other grandmother. Also, my ex's sister will be visiting from Washington and I'm sure Bug would love to see her again and her little ones.
Sorry for the long post. Any advice?
I'll start with some details of my custody order. I have primary physical, there is joint legal custody. Mother has visitation on weekends. And for this situation it is important to know that order specifies this year is mothers year with our daughter on Thanksgiving and it also states I get our daughter Friday through Sunday the weekend after thanksgiving.
Anyway, here is what is happening (and similar situations like this have happened in the past). A couple weeks ago I asked ex to let me have our daughter for the weekend since I was going to visit my grandmother (lives about 500 miles away) and wanted to bring her to see that part of my family because it is not something that is a common occurence. She agreed, we went and had no problems. The next weekend I offered to let ex take Bug (I call my daughter Bug. My mom's nickname for her) on Thursday night instead of Friday and keep her until Monday afternoon instead of Sunday to make up for the extra time I got. Again, no problems here. Then this week she called me on Thursday wanting to pick Bug up from daycare and take her early since she was in town (we live about 30 miles from each other). So, since we have been seeming to be getting along good I thought I'd agree. Anyway, I had to go out of town this weekend (about 160 miles) and I called her today to ask if she wanted to keep Bug until tomorrow since I was planning on not being home until around 11 or 12 tonight and she agreed. I ended up leaving earlier than I thought, so I got home a couple hours earlier than I thought (pretty much irrelevant). Ex called me about an hour ago now and asked if I would come get Bug, and to be honest I was sick of driving and didn't want to do another 60 miles of driving so I questioned why. She says "Well I had her an extra two days last weekend, I'm going to have her extra days this weekend and I'm going to have her Thursday through Sunday next weekend, so you should have to take her now." Honestly, I know I should have just stopped there and went and got our daughter, but again I questioned her (I know stupid). I asked her if she can't handle having her this much (probably poorly worded) and if she wanted me to just keep her next weekend. And then she decided to reverse course and say "No, I want her, nevermind."
Finally, my question is, should I stop making arrangements like this with her without having something in writing? The way she is talking it's starting to sound like she's trying to say that she has Bug all the time because I don't want her. I'm afraid if we ever go to court she's going to try to use this against me, but all I'm trying to do is work with her and give her more time with our daughter to make up for past time she didn't have her and to try and keep a good relationship between us. I've seen it suggested that these types of arrangements should be made using e-mail, but my ex doesn't have regular access to e-mail so its not a good way to communicate and I really don't want to have to write something up everytime we make arrangements like this (especially since they are usually last minute arrangements). So, should I just strictly follow the court order unless new arrangements are made with enough time to have something in writing for both of us? Should I write her a letter to confirm the plans next weekend and have her sign it or something since she will probably not confirm with her own letter, or should I just not let her take Bug next weekend since court order says it's my time? I'd really prefer not to take that away because Bug will be spending a lot of time with ex's family, and she doesn't get to see them much anymore, and I think it's good for Bug to see her other grandmother. Also, my ex's sister will be visiting from Washington and I'm sure Bug would love to see her again and her little ones.
Sorry for the long post. Any advice?
I'll start one right now and go back and add the past couple weekends while I remember them. Since e-mails are such a good way of doing this I think I'll go ahead and give my ex my old computer, maybe then she'll get the net and we can do the whole e-mail communication thing.