What Should We Do???

[SM5NY]

What is the name of your state? NY
My husband has custody of his 5 yr old daughter for 3 year, since his ex-wife who is in the military was stationed in Europe. She (his ex) is remarried with a 2 year old daughter from hernew marriage and has another on the way.
Since the ex left she has has very little contact with the 5 yr old. She hasonly called 7 timesin 3 year, no b-day, Christmas gift, cards, letter etc.
The child is well taken care of by my husband and I, and is now established in school.
We find out today the ex is getting out of the Military early and will be back in one month. She is claiming that she is having mentel issues with being over sea and not being able to see her daughter, YEAH, when she is the one that never kept contact with her and after 2 1/2 years of being across sea's never went in to mental hospital until she was told she had to pay CS.
Anyway in the current order it says my husband has custody and that it may be revisited upon her return.
My question is: Should he get the ball rolling now and take her back to insure the child stays with him. What should we do. We do not want to lose her. The child finally has a stable live and we do not want "circus mom" to start bobbing the child around again.
Thanks

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Should he get the ball rolling now and take her back to insure the child stays with him.

Well...............................YES!

 

[VeronicaGia]

Get her to put it in writing, then have your husband file for sole legal and physical custody.

Hopefully he has kept a journal of all visits (or lack thereof).

 

[SM5NY]

Yes he's has kept journals of all the effort and lak of on her part. What should he get in writng?? Her coming back? We have an e-mail from her saying that. Would the be ok??

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state? NY
My husband has custody of his 5 yr old daughter for 3 year, since his ex-wife who is in the military was stationed in Europe. She (his ex) is remarried with a 2 year old daughter from hernew marriage and has another on the way.
Since the ex left she has has very little contact with the 5 yr old. She hasonly called 7 timesin 3 year, no b-day, Christmas gift, cards, letter etc.
The child is well taken care of by my husband and I, and is now established in school.
We find out today the ex is getting out of the Military early and will be back in one month. She is claiming that she is having mentel issues with being over sea and not being able to see her daughter, YEAH, when she is the one that never kept contact with her and after 2 1/2 years of being across sea's never went in to mental hospital until she was told she had to pay CS.
Anyway in the current order it says my husband has custody and that it may be revisited upon her return.
My question is: Should he get the ball rolling now and take her back to insure the child stays with him. What should we do. We do not want to lose her. The child finally has a stable live and we do not want "circus mom" to start bobbing the child around again.
Thanks

I wouldn't worry too much. She would have to file for a change in Custody/visitations to get the ball rolling. Just sit back and wait until or if she files for a change. I don't think you guys have anything to worry about as the child has had a stable environment for 3 yrs. Courts do not usually make rulings that interrupt this . The mother may get more visits, but I would certainly bring up the issue of her mental history in any response to her petitions to the court.
You can also request a GAL ( guardian Ad Litem ) be appointed for the child, in your first response and court hearing. This GAL will interview the parties and child and make a recommendation to the court.

 

[VeronicaGia]

If she's having "mental" issues, he needs to know what kind of mental issues, if possible. If she's suicidal, it cannot be in the best interests of the child to be alone with her.

When is the last time she saw the child? If it's been 3 years, your husband should see if a judge will order supervised visitation with her until she can re-establish a relationship with the child. Since your husband will be keeping a log of the visits, a judge can plainly see whether she intends to keep the visits up or not.

It doesn't sound like she's too interested in being a parent to this child. Does her husband take care of her other child(ren)?

 

[SM5NY]

The last time she saw the child was 3 years ago, and because she has not kept in touch with the child, the child really has not clue who this women is. We can only make her know her mother so much. Because of these issues we have thought of supervised visitation. We don't not want this child to think we are just leaving her to a stanger and that we don't care. We are all she knows.
We have often wondered if the ex's current hubby takes care of the other child and will with the one on the way.
Since she is getting out of the Military for her "mental" problems we are thinking our attorny can obtain copy of those records if need be as well as phone records to verify that she never called, well 7 times.

 

[snostar]

Since she is getting out of the Military for her "mental" problems we are thinking our attorny can obtain copy of those records if need be as well as phone records to verify that she never called, well 7 times.

For future reference the military does not have to abide by supbeona's issued by Count or State Judge's only Federal Judges. This is an extremely time consuming process with a high failure rate, but it can be done. If and when the mother files, address this issue immediately with an attorney. It can be done, I did it myself in NY, but not without lots of help from higher ups.

It NY the attorney assigned to represent the child is usually called the law guardian.

 

[SM5NY]

Yes, but by the time she's move back to the US in a month, she will no longer be in the Military.

 

[snostar]

Then what did you mean by this statement:

Since she is getting out of the Military for her "mental" problems we are thinking our attorny can obtain copy of those records if need be as well as phone records to verify that she never called, well 7 times.

Regardless of whether or not she is in the military, a judge will not likely sign a subpoena for medical records unless the mother (or her attorney) brings up her medical condition as a part of her case, or there is some other evidence of its pertinence to the issue of child custody/visitation.